no hope. no life.

[spacedoutplace]

I used to be a relatively anxiety free person. able to fuction enough to go to public places. not have panic attacks and not worry about everything all day long I was relatively content. I was a pretty fun person and i had alot of friends. and i also did alot of drugs and got myself hit by a truck when i was riding my bike. And me being an honest person decided it was a good idea to tell them i was on meth in case of interactions. well the thing was blamed on me and turned around so much that i cant even drive a car. the stress from this was already bad enough but then a year later i met my current boyfriend. I really like him for the first few months and he never mde me nervous and i didnt have anxiety. but then the pressure started to build on me. my anxiety literally just came as a burst one day in the form of an exploding feeling in my heart area i got so sick for two weeks with dizziness that i was couch bound the whole time. many er visits and false heart attacks are embaressing. But how i et treated dont help either. my mom wont even help she just scowls my sister ells me im a ****ing baby and to go get a job and have some real problems and treats me like shit. And my boyfriend is probably the worst of it all. yes he does stuff for me but. i am constantly being watched and questioned about everything. i cant move my hand without him thinking im hiding something. i set my earing on the night stand lastnight and he had to turn on the light and wolk over and seee what i "hid" i cant go places with other people that arent in the family unless he is with. he loves to tell me im a heartless bitch because i shut him out when he tells me i dont show affection enough. And i have no phone and when i did he took it away and smashed it. internet is my only semi freedom and he took the connection out today and the power cord but he came back and put it in. I am tired of mind games and im tired of people thinking m up to something or stealing. im just nervous and very very sad. i have no life no diploma no job no nothing. i am just random impulsive very kind nature loving 26 yearold that hates this life. im a ****ing pathetic wreck sorry fr rambling i just needed to get that out. Ufdah ya know! :unsure::shrug::weep::unsure::scared15::weep::weep ::weep::weep:

[Sparkle1984]

If your boyfriend makes you feel so bad, it's time to think about leaving. You deserve better than this. :hugs:

[Pete_uk]

As difficult as it can be you do sometimes need to get rid of the things that make your life hell. Sometimes those things are people. I know its easy to sit here and tell others what to do (we all do it!) but it seems like you need to decide what you do want from life and how to get it. BUT, every journey is just a small set of steps linked together. One thing at a time.

Feel free to ramble all you want!

[My_Labyrinth]

You need to be surrounded by people that support and love you. Being through a terrible marriage, I can tell you, you have to make a decision that you deserve better. Because you do! If he really loves you he will not belittle or distrust you. Remember one step at a time. You can and will get through this. :hugs:

[yenool]

Your boyfriend and sister sound abusive. Get rid of him as the control and abuse will only get worse, and more importantly you deserve and will find a better man.

Otherwise it is one step at a time really. Are you getting any support from your doctor in regards to the anxiety? It sounds like you would benefit from some form of therapy and probably some medication too.