DarkWy
26-08-13, 15:34
Hello all,
I've posted a few times recently on the forum and I decided that after all my panic, it would be good to share a positive experience with you guys. This is going to be a long one, but hang in there. I've recently been worried about an all matter of things, but my fears are mostly of cancer. I went to the doctor about some back and chest pain and he referred me to psyiatrist, which is a specialist in back pain and nerves, as far as I understand. This doctor, after examining me and declaring that the cause of my pain didn't seem to be neurological, sent me for a cervical MRI, which would take a picture of the tissues in my lower brain and neck.
I was super nervous about the MRI, as I'm slightly claustrophobic, but it turned out I was calmer in the machine than I'd been all day. I'd had probably the worst panic attack of my life the previous night when I woke up slightly dizzy from a dream, and while the did my MRI, I let my mind drift to the time I spent in Vancouver with my boyfriend and calmed down.
Now, here's the kicker. My MRI did show some bulging disks, which were causing my back pain, but there was also an incidental finding-a small bright spot at the base of my brain. As you can imagine, I went sufficiently postal. While waiting for a follow up brain MRI, I was a mess. I cried to all of my friends and close family and I was imagining how on earth a hypochondriac like me was going to get through brain cancer. What I wasn't concentrating on was how the doctor said he thought it was probably benign, or how my radiologist father told me that brain cancer is incredibly rare and the list of benign things that could show up goes on forever.
The next day, I returned for the brain MRI, hoping to GOD that they wouldn't find anything else. I was on pins and needles waiting for the doctor to call. It ended up taking a WHOLE additional day because there was no doctor present to read my MRI so late in the day.
Finally, I got a call from the doctor. I was in the middle of a meal and nausea overwhelmed me, I was so nervous.
He told me that they'd found a small growth in my brain, absolutely benign, that they assumed had been there since I was born. He stressed that it WAS NOT a tumor, and that as long as I was feeling ok, that I should be perfectly fine. He said they never would have known if they hadn't found it accidentally, and it was important to know that I had it, but that it didn't seem to be causing any complications with me.
So for three days I wailed and cried and panicked over...nothing.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still bad at exaggerating my symptoms when I'm not distracted and I still get scared, but experiences like this teach you that you can feel like CRAP and not actually be dying. When I was sobbing to my father about just wanting to feel better, he told me "There's nothing worse than a layman in pain. Pain takes you over, makes you think irrational thoughts, and changes you."
He is sooooo right.
I'm still a hypochondriac, and cancer still scares the CRAP out of me, but here's my pledge to help myself:
1) No googling. No Wikipedia. No medical searching on the net of any kind. If I feel sick at all for any time over TWO WEEKS, I will go to see a doctor.
2) Trust doctors. A doctor is a sentient being. They've had years of training and experience and they can diagnose whatever might (or might not) be wrong with you far better than Any search engine.
3) Get lost in life. I'm leaving the country tomorrow to work, as I have been for the last three years, and part of me is petrified of being away from US hospitals for a year. But I can't put my life on hold for my Anxiety. I have to live.
Anyway, that's my story. I hope it makes someone feel better, or that someone can relate. Please give feedback and share your stories with me. :)
I've posted a few times recently on the forum and I decided that after all my panic, it would be good to share a positive experience with you guys. This is going to be a long one, but hang in there. I've recently been worried about an all matter of things, but my fears are mostly of cancer. I went to the doctor about some back and chest pain and he referred me to psyiatrist, which is a specialist in back pain and nerves, as far as I understand. This doctor, after examining me and declaring that the cause of my pain didn't seem to be neurological, sent me for a cervical MRI, which would take a picture of the tissues in my lower brain and neck.
I was super nervous about the MRI, as I'm slightly claustrophobic, but it turned out I was calmer in the machine than I'd been all day. I'd had probably the worst panic attack of my life the previous night when I woke up slightly dizzy from a dream, and while the did my MRI, I let my mind drift to the time I spent in Vancouver with my boyfriend and calmed down.
Now, here's the kicker. My MRI did show some bulging disks, which were causing my back pain, but there was also an incidental finding-a small bright spot at the base of my brain. As you can imagine, I went sufficiently postal. While waiting for a follow up brain MRI, I was a mess. I cried to all of my friends and close family and I was imagining how on earth a hypochondriac like me was going to get through brain cancer. What I wasn't concentrating on was how the doctor said he thought it was probably benign, or how my radiologist father told me that brain cancer is incredibly rare and the list of benign things that could show up goes on forever.
The next day, I returned for the brain MRI, hoping to GOD that they wouldn't find anything else. I was on pins and needles waiting for the doctor to call. It ended up taking a WHOLE additional day because there was no doctor present to read my MRI so late in the day.
Finally, I got a call from the doctor. I was in the middle of a meal and nausea overwhelmed me, I was so nervous.
He told me that they'd found a small growth in my brain, absolutely benign, that they assumed had been there since I was born. He stressed that it WAS NOT a tumor, and that as long as I was feeling ok, that I should be perfectly fine. He said they never would have known if they hadn't found it accidentally, and it was important to know that I had it, but that it didn't seem to be causing any complications with me.
So for three days I wailed and cried and panicked over...nothing.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still bad at exaggerating my symptoms when I'm not distracted and I still get scared, but experiences like this teach you that you can feel like CRAP and not actually be dying. When I was sobbing to my father about just wanting to feel better, he told me "There's nothing worse than a layman in pain. Pain takes you over, makes you think irrational thoughts, and changes you."
He is sooooo right.
I'm still a hypochondriac, and cancer still scares the CRAP out of me, but here's my pledge to help myself:
1) No googling. No Wikipedia. No medical searching on the net of any kind. If I feel sick at all for any time over TWO WEEKS, I will go to see a doctor.
2) Trust doctors. A doctor is a sentient being. They've had years of training and experience and they can diagnose whatever might (or might not) be wrong with you far better than Any search engine.
3) Get lost in life. I'm leaving the country tomorrow to work, as I have been for the last three years, and part of me is petrified of being away from US hospitals for a year. But I can't put my life on hold for my Anxiety. I have to live.
Anyway, that's my story. I hope it makes someone feel better, or that someone can relate. Please give feedback and share your stories with me. :)