My_Labyrinth
26-08-13, 15:50
Hi Everyone,
I'm a new member.
I'm 26 years old and have been living with cardiomyopathy since I was 19 (2007). It was quite severe and traumatizing and I was in ICU for 3 weeks and 2 weeks in high care. My heart, lungs and kidneys gave in, I had to get a heart transplant, but miraculously my heart started to recover, so that was not needed anymore. I have been on the road of recovery every since then, my heart getting stronger and my lungs and kidneys completely healed.
I had however developed Osteoporosis due to my extreme sickness and being bed ridden for months.
My mom committed suicide in 2008, after a life long struggle with bipolar depression. This was quite tramatic as she was in hospital for 4 months with 70% brain damage, until her body gave in.
I always was a sensitive person and was very close to my mom.
I also struggled with self esteem issues, since I was very young, as the kids used to bully me because I was very skinny and shy.
So far up until April this year, I have been coping okay. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder in beginning of 2009 (just after my Mom's death) and was put on Serlife 50MG a day, after suffering severe depression episodes, I will however never consider suicide, due to the scars my mom left behind on everyone she loved.
I coped a bit better after that until I had met my Ex husband. I really still don't know why I was with him, maybe for the false sense of security? Maybe I thought maybe this will make me happy? My dad remarried 4 months after my mom's death, so I was abonned, scared and really alone.
My marriage was, in the nicest way to say, a complete disaster. He was an emotional bully who wanted my attention 24/7, locked me in the house, belittled me and told me I caused and deserved everything I had been through.
After what might have seen as the 10th time, he got drunk, angry and treaten to leave me, telling me what a I bad person I was. I then had it. I let him leave, I made sure I had house keys and told him that I have had enough.
He tried to emotionally manupilate me to take him back, like he always did, but I stood strong. Through help of friends of family, I got through a very difficult, emotional draining divorce.
I lost a lot of sentimental objects and pictures of my Mom, due to him had taken it and stored it away and refusing to return anything.
We were married for almost a year, and it is safe to say, It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
It took quite some time to regain my self confidence and esteem and self worth, due to his constant belittling on my already low self esteem.
But I made it, I started to have a normal life again, I met a wonderful guy and we now live together, hoping to one day have enough money to get engaged.
Fast forward to April 2013 and I was struggling with constant severe stomach pain, nausea, diarree and extreme dips of depression.
Up until now, I was hospitalised 3 times this year, the first time, they diagnosed me with Colitis, due to an stomach bug.
The anxiety attacks started then. I had no control, I would hyperventilate, get palpitations (on an already weakened heart), sweating and basically felt like I was dying.
I'm very senstive to any medicine that effects my heart rate or rhythm, so you can imagine the anxiety attacks I got when they gave me something that had that effect.
I cried a lot, I prayed a lot and was dosed with so many sedatives and sleeping tablets.
When I was discharged my doctor gave me Urbanol 5MG 3x times a day, until my anxiety subsided.
After two weeks, I was back at work and feeling a bit better and started to try and eat normal again. ( I was on a liquid diet for a week and soft for another).
I stopped drinking the urbanol as I believed my anxiety was under control and I started to see a psychologist.
About 3-4 weeks later, I was rushed to the hospital after having severe stomach cramps at work, that I could hardly walk.
I was a week in hospital, my anxiety flared, they did a gastroscopy, xrays, blood tests, urine and stool - everything clean.
The doctor said it was a viral infection even though my infection counts, and everything else really, was normal.
I insisted on a allergy test, to see if I had any food intolerance, but nothing.
I got better and was discharged.
I was however still struggling with pain, I was an emotional mess. I cried at work, lashed out to the people who loved me, including my boyfriend, which was also getting quite fed up and worried.
I didn't want to do anything, not my work, not even wash my hair. I was full on depressed. Why couldn't they find anything that is wrong? Some even suggested that everything was in my head. I knew there was something!
Fast forward to beginning August, I was still struggling with a upset stomach, cramping when I eat, cramping just randomly, heart burn, changes in bowel movements, and being dejected, depressed, and anxious about every single pain or symptom of my body.
I got re-admitted on the 12th and insisted on a specialist. After so many extensive test, scary, uncomfortable and plain embarrassing - CT Scans, gastroscopy (again), colonoscopy, blood, urine, xray, stool and even a Gynecologist -they found it.
I have a 3CM hential hernia, with Grade C Oesophagitis alongside gastritis and colitis. Oh fun..
I was treated, and put on Nexiam 40MG once a day, for probably the rest of my life, as they do not wish to operate due to my heart condition, unless obviously there is no other option.
A day after I got discharged, and you guessed it tried eating normal again, I was readmitted.
More tests later, which included heart and lung tests - scary stuff, allthough fine. I was diagnosed with I.B.S.
I was also given an additional heart medicine to help my heart get more stronger and make me less short of breath.
I also saw a psychiatrist in hospital as my anxiety and attacks were so severe.
He changed my Serlife to Cipralex, can't remember the dosage though and also put me on Urbanol 10MG 2x a day, for two weeks, until he can see me again.
I also have to go see a trauma counselor.
So far I haven't felt anxious, I am still a bit depressed though, I mean how many more sickness can I get? I'm only 26! Yes I know there are a lot of people worse of than me, and that I should be thankfull. But it has been really hard, it's one thing after an another. When will it stop?
I am also following a strict diet, giving up a lot of food that will be missed, the pain is better, although not completely gone and I'm starting to manage, I know however I still have a long way to go.
I have lost 8 KGs (not sure what that is in pounds) since April, making me severely underweight and knocking my self esteem right back down.
Okay so maybe my depression might be a bit more worse than initially mentioned, but I think it's because I'm really struggling to come to terms with everything. It feels like everytime things go better, things fall apart.
It's like an endless cycle..
I'm sorry if this is too long, this is my first time ever joining a forum so not quite sure how it works :huh:
"Everything that comes together, falls apart" - Looking for Alaska John Green
:read:
I'm a new member.
I'm 26 years old and have been living with cardiomyopathy since I was 19 (2007). It was quite severe and traumatizing and I was in ICU for 3 weeks and 2 weeks in high care. My heart, lungs and kidneys gave in, I had to get a heart transplant, but miraculously my heart started to recover, so that was not needed anymore. I have been on the road of recovery every since then, my heart getting stronger and my lungs and kidneys completely healed.
I had however developed Osteoporosis due to my extreme sickness and being bed ridden for months.
My mom committed suicide in 2008, after a life long struggle with bipolar depression. This was quite tramatic as she was in hospital for 4 months with 70% brain damage, until her body gave in.
I always was a sensitive person and was very close to my mom.
I also struggled with self esteem issues, since I was very young, as the kids used to bully me because I was very skinny and shy.
So far up until April this year, I have been coping okay. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder in beginning of 2009 (just after my Mom's death) and was put on Serlife 50MG a day, after suffering severe depression episodes, I will however never consider suicide, due to the scars my mom left behind on everyone she loved.
I coped a bit better after that until I had met my Ex husband. I really still don't know why I was with him, maybe for the false sense of security? Maybe I thought maybe this will make me happy? My dad remarried 4 months after my mom's death, so I was abonned, scared and really alone.
My marriage was, in the nicest way to say, a complete disaster. He was an emotional bully who wanted my attention 24/7, locked me in the house, belittled me and told me I caused and deserved everything I had been through.
After what might have seen as the 10th time, he got drunk, angry and treaten to leave me, telling me what a I bad person I was. I then had it. I let him leave, I made sure I had house keys and told him that I have had enough.
He tried to emotionally manupilate me to take him back, like he always did, but I stood strong. Through help of friends of family, I got through a very difficult, emotional draining divorce.
I lost a lot of sentimental objects and pictures of my Mom, due to him had taken it and stored it away and refusing to return anything.
We were married for almost a year, and it is safe to say, It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
It took quite some time to regain my self confidence and esteem and self worth, due to his constant belittling on my already low self esteem.
But I made it, I started to have a normal life again, I met a wonderful guy and we now live together, hoping to one day have enough money to get engaged.
Fast forward to April 2013 and I was struggling with constant severe stomach pain, nausea, diarree and extreme dips of depression.
Up until now, I was hospitalised 3 times this year, the first time, they diagnosed me with Colitis, due to an stomach bug.
The anxiety attacks started then. I had no control, I would hyperventilate, get palpitations (on an already weakened heart), sweating and basically felt like I was dying.
I'm very senstive to any medicine that effects my heart rate or rhythm, so you can imagine the anxiety attacks I got when they gave me something that had that effect.
I cried a lot, I prayed a lot and was dosed with so many sedatives and sleeping tablets.
When I was discharged my doctor gave me Urbanol 5MG 3x times a day, until my anxiety subsided.
After two weeks, I was back at work and feeling a bit better and started to try and eat normal again. ( I was on a liquid diet for a week and soft for another).
I stopped drinking the urbanol as I believed my anxiety was under control and I started to see a psychologist.
About 3-4 weeks later, I was rushed to the hospital after having severe stomach cramps at work, that I could hardly walk.
I was a week in hospital, my anxiety flared, they did a gastroscopy, xrays, blood tests, urine and stool - everything clean.
The doctor said it was a viral infection even though my infection counts, and everything else really, was normal.
I insisted on a allergy test, to see if I had any food intolerance, but nothing.
I got better and was discharged.
I was however still struggling with pain, I was an emotional mess. I cried at work, lashed out to the people who loved me, including my boyfriend, which was also getting quite fed up and worried.
I didn't want to do anything, not my work, not even wash my hair. I was full on depressed. Why couldn't they find anything that is wrong? Some even suggested that everything was in my head. I knew there was something!
Fast forward to beginning August, I was still struggling with a upset stomach, cramping when I eat, cramping just randomly, heart burn, changes in bowel movements, and being dejected, depressed, and anxious about every single pain or symptom of my body.
I got re-admitted on the 12th and insisted on a specialist. After so many extensive test, scary, uncomfortable and plain embarrassing - CT Scans, gastroscopy (again), colonoscopy, blood, urine, xray, stool and even a Gynecologist -they found it.
I have a 3CM hential hernia, with Grade C Oesophagitis alongside gastritis and colitis. Oh fun..
I was treated, and put on Nexiam 40MG once a day, for probably the rest of my life, as they do not wish to operate due to my heart condition, unless obviously there is no other option.
A day after I got discharged, and you guessed it tried eating normal again, I was readmitted.
More tests later, which included heart and lung tests - scary stuff, allthough fine. I was diagnosed with I.B.S.
I was also given an additional heart medicine to help my heart get more stronger and make me less short of breath.
I also saw a psychiatrist in hospital as my anxiety and attacks were so severe.
He changed my Serlife to Cipralex, can't remember the dosage though and also put me on Urbanol 10MG 2x a day, for two weeks, until he can see me again.
I also have to go see a trauma counselor.
So far I haven't felt anxious, I am still a bit depressed though, I mean how many more sickness can I get? I'm only 26! Yes I know there are a lot of people worse of than me, and that I should be thankfull. But it has been really hard, it's one thing after an another. When will it stop?
I am also following a strict diet, giving up a lot of food that will be missed, the pain is better, although not completely gone and I'm starting to manage, I know however I still have a long way to go.
I have lost 8 KGs (not sure what that is in pounds) since April, making me severely underweight and knocking my self esteem right back down.
Okay so maybe my depression might be a bit more worse than initially mentioned, but I think it's because I'm really struggling to come to terms with everything. It feels like everytime things go better, things fall apart.
It's like an endless cycle..
I'm sorry if this is too long, this is my first time ever joining a forum so not quite sure how it works :huh:
"Everything that comes together, falls apart" - Looking for Alaska John Green
:read: