cityheadache
21-10-06, 18:56
I'm reluctant to post this as it's probably hugely attention-seeking which I try to avoid at all costs but I need to know if I can get help with this;
I'm 14 years old and have no self esteem whatsoever and I never have and probably never will. It may be due to my acne which I've had since I was young and despite lots of medication, will not go away. In my opinion I am the ugliest girl ever and I get really down about it. I never go out except from school and I tend to ask for days off as the idea of going to school makes me really stressed. I sleep a lot because it's the only time I don't have to think about being so ugly. If I have to go out I try to do things as quickly as possible and never look at other people because I get majorly upset if anyone looks at me and I feel guilty if anyone speaks at me because they have to look at me. If someone "compliments" me I always take it as offence because they're obviously joking. My mum tells me I'm beautiful but parents always tell their children that they are beautiful no matter if they are or not. Every minute of everyday I tell myself in my head that I'm the ugliest person ever and I don't even look like a human. Outside of school I don't talk to anyone but my parents and if in the rare chance that anybody phones me (my friends have lost interest, thankfully) I panic and make a million excuses.
Recently I keep having suicidal thoughts and how no-one would have to look at me if I was dead and I've been reading up about methods on the internet. But I know I could never commit suicide because I love my parents and I couldn't do that to them so I feel trapped because I don't want to live but I have to because otherwise I'd put them through hell.
Also whenever I go out I'm always fixing my clothes and hair (which I both hate equally) and I can never sit still for fear of people looking at me.
I usually never talk about this and I feel guilty now because I'm being so attention-seeking but I need to know if this is a condition or just some stupid thing that I'm wasting everyones time by asking about?
Sorry in advance.
I'm 14 years old and have no self esteem whatsoever and I never have and probably never will. It may be due to my acne which I've had since I was young and despite lots of medication, will not go away. In my opinion I am the ugliest girl ever and I get really down about it. I never go out except from school and I tend to ask for days off as the idea of going to school makes me really stressed. I sleep a lot because it's the only time I don't have to think about being so ugly. If I have to go out I try to do things as quickly as possible and never look at other people because I get majorly upset if anyone looks at me and I feel guilty if anyone speaks at me because they have to look at me. If someone "compliments" me I always take it as offence because they're obviously joking. My mum tells me I'm beautiful but parents always tell their children that they are beautiful no matter if they are or not. Every minute of everyday I tell myself in my head that I'm the ugliest person ever and I don't even look like a human. Outside of school I don't talk to anyone but my parents and if in the rare chance that anybody phones me (my friends have lost interest, thankfully) I panic and make a million excuses.
Recently I keep having suicidal thoughts and how no-one would have to look at me if I was dead and I've been reading up about methods on the internet. But I know I could never commit suicide because I love my parents and I couldn't do that to them so I feel trapped because I don't want to live but I have to because otherwise I'd put them through hell.
Also whenever I go out I'm always fixing my clothes and hair (which I both hate equally) and I can never sit still for fear of people looking at me.
I usually never talk about this and I feel guilty now because I'm being so attention-seeking but I need to know if this is a condition or just some stupid thing that I'm wasting everyones time by asking about?
Sorry in advance.