new to all of this

[scrumking]

So here goes,

my grandma died of an aneurysm in january, in march i was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and in july my father in law passed form cancer. I have never experienced a panic attack until then but now all my fears are related to my health.

I have had a complete blood work up which came back with as my doctor put it amazing results I have also had an ekg and a 24 hour holter monitor test the only issue that arose from those was that the left side of my heart appears to be enlarged, my doc said he wasnt concerned about it as it was common in people with sleep apnea and continued use of my cpap machine would pretty much reverse that.

so you think I would be ok right? well no i am constantly thinking " today is my last day" i think i will drop dead suddenly of a heart attack/stroke/aneurysm and i am terrified. I also have this pain on the right side of my neck which i think may be a blood clot.

i am 31 years old 275 pounds an ashamed to say i smoke but i am working on both the weight and the smoking. I just dont know what to do I am so freaked out by this on a daily basis. I am also terrified to sleep as i think i may die in my sleep and my wife wont notice or i wont wake to whats happening

i am currently not on meds because i am scared of suffering some kind of horrible side effect and absolutely refuse benzos but am becoming more open to possibly taking an anti depressant.

I dont know what i need maybe some adivce or reassurance please

Thanks

[chasingdogma]

My father had a stroke at 54 due to hypertension and I was diagnosed with it at 35 myself. I know that fear very well. I also have sleep apnea (severe) and went on CPAP about a year ago. I'm not sure what it's done to my heart over the years but I do know that my heart rate is generally higher than it normally should be.

You are only 31. Take comfort in that. It's extremely rare to have a heart attack or aneurism at your age.

The fact that you are young gives you plenty of opportunity to lose your weight and stop smoking. I stopped smoking about three years ago and have never looked back. I'm still struggling with the weight myself.

Hang in there. You won't die. You may want to talk to your doctor about a beta blocker instead of an anti-depressant. I was originally put on Metoprolol when I was diagnosed with hypertension and it both lowered my BP and slowed my heart rate, which helped with my anxiety levels. Before I went on it I spent a month of sleepless nights, laying in bed feeling my heart beat throughout my body... pounding like a hammer.