Death related panic?

[Haruka]

Hey all. I am not sure if this is the correct forum to post it, but I guess considering the fact that I am on the verge of having a panic attack, it might be the best one to post it in.

Tonight I found out that a classmate of mine died of a heart attack. I didn't know him too well and we didn't get along well the times we did talk, but it is terribly sad to me. Over the school years, we have had classes together and I have known him for years.

He was so young, and it was really just kind of a slap in the face. A reality check of sorts. It reminded me that death can take us at any time, any age. A midst the sadness I am feeling, I am also panicking. It terrifies me to think that I could die at any time, and I am having a hard time coping. This is the first time someone I have known personally has died, in my memory at least. Family members have died, but I had never met them or it happened when I was too young to remember.

How do I deal with this? Right now I am trying not to think about it, just because of the feeling of dread and panic. I can't even imagine what his family must be going through...

[Speranza]

Hi, all I can tell you is how I coped with it; it may or may not be helpful.

Many years ago I lived with this on a daily basis. And one day it struck me that what you have said is true. We could all die at any moment. Then I realised - we WILL all die. (Bear with me!)

This realisation is such a common human moment that it has its own name from centuries past: Intimations of Mortality.

For me, the answer was realising that older people mainly live without this daily fear, and so there must be something in the aging process which reduces the fear. And I realised that it must have its roots in 'familiarity breeds contempt'.

So... I thought about death. A lot. I faced the thought out whenever it struck me, with little phrases in my head such as, "Yeah, of course I'm going to die! I'm a human." I think my personal breakthrough came when I had a really strong mental image of my descendants looking through a faded album and seeing my daughters and me, talking through how they couldn't quite remember our names or where we lived... and suddenly I had a blinding moment of seeing it all as a continuity, that it is all ok. I realised that I don't even know my great-grandma's names without stopping to think hard, yet they were just as present in their own lives as I am in mine. It took a little while but I stuck with it as my fear diminished. I guess it is akin to exposure therapy.

Suddenly I came to a point where it all felt... okay. It took me a while but my intuition was that I had to face it - because of all the problems we have, this is the one which will not go away. And I didn't want to live my life in fear of the inevitable.

I'm 53 tomorrow. I have occasionaly "Whoooaaaa!" moments when I am struck by the reality of death. Personally I think it is a great gift to know about it ahead of time - so we can ignore all our petty health stuff and LIVE AND ENJOY life - it's such a wonderful thing to be alive, to be able to see clouds, feed ducks, hug babies... just get out there and make the most of EVERY DAY.

This may not hit the spot for you, in which case I apologise - but perhaps it will help someone who reads it.

All the very best.

Gill x

[Florance]

I'm sorry to hear about your class mate. Its such a shock when someone you know dies suddenly. Even more so if they are young. It sounds like you need to talk to someone about how this has made you feel. Its never nice when we are suddenly made to consider our own mortality. If you talk to someone about it that can help you deal with the panic and also the feelings around classmates death. Have you spoken to other classmates as I am sure they probably feel the same way as you. Don't keep in how your feeling as this will only escalate things. Its very rare for young people to die suddenly like this and there is usually some underlying cardiac issue that hasn't been discovered at that time.

[Speranza]

Thank you. I was about your age when I took it by the scruff of the neck and began to tackle it! x

[SarahH]

Tonight I found out that a classmate of mine died of a heart attack



When I was 17 I was the front seat passenger in a car crash which killed my 3 best friends who were sat in the back of the car. We were all in a very small 6th form together. It was a terrible time so i really do know what you are going through....trust me on this one....................go and find someone to talk to about this....please!!!

I teacher would be a good start.

Sarah