Partner suffering with health anxiety - need some advice, please!

[elizathorn]

My girlfriend had a bit of a stressful period in her life, with changing jobs and having a few stressful interviews and needing to pass her driving test within a certain time period and so on. She was already a bit of an anxious person, and has always been someone who worries about her health - but she's not the typical hypochondriac because rather than going to the doctor for every tiny ailment, she instead has a phobia of doctors (thinks that if she sees one she'll find out she's dying), and instead convinces herself that whatever is wrong with her is undoubtedly something serious. Due to the recent stress in her life, she has developed a few physical symptoms of anxiety. She's been feeling lightheaded, sometimes has problems breathing and dizziness, sometimes feeling like she might faint. Fairly common symptoms of anxiety. Except that, due to her already being a bit nervy about medical issues, despite visiting a doctor who told her that these were due to anxiety, she is still convinced that there is something seriously wrong. So, since then, any tiny symptom is convincing her that she is dying. She spat blood one morning - straight after brushing her teeth - and was convinced this was something serious. The last few days she's been obsessing over the idea that she can hear a fuzzy sound when everything is quiet - something that I am sure is quite normal, but she thinks is a brain tumour. Due to all this she has unfortunately had to quit her job, and is really struggling at the moment, and since we are in a long distance relationship and not living together I can't always be there. So does anyone have any advice about things that helped them with their anxiety, or ways I can calm her down about all her medical fears, or just any general advice about helping her through all this? I love her to pieces but am finding the whole thing really stressful and feeling so helpless. Would really appreciate some assistance! Sorry for the long post, hopefully someone will actually be willing to read it all!

[Annie0904]

How lovely of you to come here to look for help for your partner. It is good that she has someone so caring and supportive. Do you think your partner would agree to go for Cognitive behaviour therapy to help her?

[elizathorn]

Thank you. I have tried suggesting that but she isn't keen. She has been to the doctors but although they told her that what she is suffering with is due to anxiety, they did not really offer her any support or help, just suggested a few ways that she might be able to relax, none of which have helped. She cannot afford to pay for CBT since she has had to quit her job, so would need an NHS referral for something like that, but I am unable to persuade her to go back to a doctor as she's petrified of being told that actually her symptoms are because of something more serious. At a bit of a loss as to what else to try, it's very frustrating to see someone you love suffering, especially since I am sure that medically speaking besides the anxiety there's nothing wrong with her but I have no idea how to make her see that for herself :(

[Annie0904]

Would she come on NMP to talk to others with health anxiety?

[elizathorn]

I don't know. I thought I'd have a look here myself first before suggesting anything like this to her. I think it would be good for her to talk to other people that have been through similar things as she is, but she's a very private person, and although she shares everything with me she is very reluctant to do so with others. And I am also struggling to convince her that her problem is health anxiety and not a serious medical problem. She is always much much better when I can spend time with her but I have already had to take time off work and cancel a holiday to be with her when she's in a bad state and my boss can only put up with a certain amount, and when we're not together worrying about her is driving me a tad crazy.

[nomorepanic]

Can you print off some of the website pages from the left for her to read?

[elizathorn]

That's a good idea, thanks. I have been trying to get us both a bit better informed on anxiety but I actually wasn't aware that so many people must suffer with health anxiety similar to what she's going to. But the problem there is the more that I try and discuss anxiety with her, the more she will throw back at me that her symptoms are also a match for a brain tumour etc. I don't know how best to persuade her that what she's going through is completely normal without being too pushy about it and making things worse.

[Daisy Sue]

Hi. Does your girlfriend know that you're looking into finding help for her? If so, maybe if you look on the Meet Up section of this forum, there may be a group near her, which you could attend with her if you wanted.

Also, if you do mention NMP to her, she always has the option to just read & not post, if that's what she's happier doing, and then after a while she might feel brave enough to post. There is so much support here, and in particular experience with anxiety & panic, that I'm sure she'd find it welcoming & reassuring. Sometimes it can feel like a very lonely illness, & we can feel we're the only ones with these feelings & thoughts.. coming here may not always 'mend' us, but the comfort of knowing we're not alone, and that our symptoms are explainable, goes a long way to helping in general.

[michelleon21]

I also avoid the doctors at any cost but a few years ago when I was finding it really hard to cope with my anxiety, I asked for a call back from my doctor and spoke to him over the phone as I felt much more comfortable... Maybe you could suggest that she does this too? In my case I did end up on medication and I did have to go into the doctors a few weeks after but by then I had been taking my tablets for a while so I was feeling a little better about the situation.

[elizathorn]

She doesn't as such. She is aware that I have been looking into anxiety as I have been suggesting relaxation techniques, have tried quite a few herbal remedies with her and have been reassuring her about her symptoms, but she is unaware that I have started trying to talk to people in a similar position for advice. I am not with her for a few more days and this isn't really a phone conversation but we will have a few weeks together from Monday so I think I might show her this site and suggest that she at least observes if she doesn't feel comfortable talking. I am in two minds about this though because although I think it would help her to feel less alone in what she is going through, there are a lot of people on here that seem to have suffered for a long time and I don't want her losing hope that she can get better, as I know she is already starting to feel like this. Thanks for all your help guys I really appreciate it. I am going to suggest she tries to arrange a call with her GP and see how that goes down :)