I need some help please

[Malc]

Hi All,

I have posted here before when I had a bad time earlier this year.
At the time I thought I was going mad and that the thoughts I had were a sign of schizophrenia.
I have a morbid fear of being diagnosed as such and I am scared that I will lose everything.
I have now suddenly found the thoughts returning with a vengeance to the point that I am now near enough convinced that I must be mad.
I have this creepy feeling that there is a voice in my head.
I do not hear voices but I think that I am about to do so.

I cannot believe that I am in this position again and just wondered if anyone else has any idea what is going on here because I feel desperate.

Please help

[worried 101]

hi malc.
I have a voice in my head that tells me things, negative things that I dont want to think.I too thought that this must be a sign of madness and i was developing schizophrenia, but it wasn't. it was just a sign of a battle going on between my rational side of my brain and my emotional.
What kind of things do you feel the voice is telling you or saying?

[Malc]

Thanks Worried 101 for sending the message.

It is hard to explain, but it is like my own thoughts saying things like "go on you could stab him" or lots of horrible things that are negative and scary.
As I say the "voice" in my head is not identifiable to a person but just seems to be me thinking up scenarios that are scary and frightening.
I feel like it is me talkng to me like I am 2 people but in a frightening way.
I do not hear voices outside my head but I am now scared that I will do soon.
I really feel that I am losing the plot here and that things are slightly unreal. I do not know if I am psychotic or otherwise.

Malc

[Seth86]

Is it like you're constantly debating with yourself? If so that's what i do all day everyday which is very exhausting.

[moonspirit]

Hi Malc

Thats the anxiety gremlin just battling with your mind. I do battle everyday with mine i think of it as something that sits on my shoulder just whispering in my ear what if you could do this or what if this happens the what ifs can be very scary and totally irrational but this is not you its the anxiety. It wears you out and emotionaly you become exhausted with it.

My anxiety gremlin in my mind is bright green with pink spots looks like a punk with pink spikey hair and has a big nose ring ..... now that could be classed as me being crazy but it really does help putting an imagine to it.

Hope it passes really quick for you and remember you have been through it once you will get there again. Im going through my second time round with this awful illness but we are not alone. It just means we are very caring and sensitive people this doesnt happen to those with a hard heart so in my book we are a pretty special lot and sensitivity is a gift not something we should be ashamed of x

[Fishmanpa]

When I was in cancer treatment, I was given drugs to help with nausea from chemo. Some of the drugs were steroids. One of the rarer side effects is roid rage. I happened to suffer from that. It's as if the "don't be stupid" button got turned off.

You know when you have thoughts of saying or doing something nasty to someone (like you boss for instance)? Normally, you would keep them bottled up. But because of the reaction I was having, they would come out! Also, I had potty mouth and I'm not one to curse! The biggest problem is that I didn't realize I was being that way until my gf pointed it out. When I spoke to my chemo nurse about it, she called in a psych nurse that diagnosed the adverse reaction. I literally was suffering from steroid induced psychosis.

The difference and point is... you recognize these thoughts to be irrational. That in itself is a big sign you're not suffering from schizophrenia or psychosis. I would be more concerned if you failed to recognize something was amiss and acted out some of your thoughts.

"T"

[Malc]

Thanks for the responses. I thought I was getting a bit of grip on this but the little voice in my head is telling me I am mad. It is really irritating me to have to keep imagining things like this. Yesterday it was frightening images coming into my head of hands trying to grab my feet and the football my son was using was a head.
All of this is totally irrational and I am struggling to keep it in perspective. I have this feeling that it is never going to go away and this is life from now on.
Any suggestions?
Malc