Illyria
30-08-13, 09:20
Hi
I recently has a panic attack that came on quickly. A family member timed it all, a grand total of eight seconds. Sounds short, but was so intense. It started with feeling like my throat was closing, climaxed to almost passing out and ended with me crying every bit of makeup off my face.
After that, I had so many depressing thoughts that freaked me out because I believe them to be true. I'm 19, and everyone my age is starting their life, and having minor anxieties. Any anxieties they have they can just get over and do it. Mine have held me back so much, and I feel like everyone is so much stronger than me. I know that anxiety affects me more than most people, yet I feel so weak and a waste of life. Everyone knows who they are, where they're going and what exactly they want to do. If they don't, they have a lot of fun partying and doing nothing. Here I am contemplating my life, not knowing anything. I feel so dependent on the people I love. I feel like they secretly hate me because I ask them to be beside me or come with me somewhere.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I've got a student loan to pay off, no job bc I can't deal with all the anxiety attacks. Any little success I have doesn't feel rewarding to me, I feel like I'm going nowhere. When I compare myself to other people in general, I feel like I don't belong here. I feel like the biggest waste of skin ever; the biggest drain.
I would appreciate anything anyone has to say. Sorry for the verbal diarrhea by the way.
I recently has a panic attack that came on quickly. A family member timed it all, a grand total of eight seconds. Sounds short, but was so intense. It started with feeling like my throat was closing, climaxed to almost passing out and ended with me crying every bit of makeup off my face.
After that, I had so many depressing thoughts that freaked me out because I believe them to be true. I'm 19, and everyone my age is starting their life, and having minor anxieties. Any anxieties they have they can just get over and do it. Mine have held me back so much, and I feel like everyone is so much stronger than me. I know that anxiety affects me more than most people, yet I feel so weak and a waste of life. Everyone knows who they are, where they're going and what exactly they want to do. If they don't, they have a lot of fun partying and doing nothing. Here I am contemplating my life, not knowing anything. I feel so dependent on the people I love. I feel like they secretly hate me because I ask them to be beside me or come with me somewhere.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I've got a student loan to pay off, no job bc I can't deal with all the anxiety attacks. Any little success I have doesn't feel rewarding to me, I feel like I'm going nowhere. When I compare myself to other people in general, I feel like I don't belong here. I feel like the biggest waste of skin ever; the biggest drain.
I would appreciate anything anyone has to say. Sorry for the verbal diarrhea by the way.