Terrified Of Seeing My Dad Tomorrow

[Edward_1980]

Hi guys,

I'm going to see my Dad in the nursing home for the first time since I saw him in a coma in Intensive care. He was a severe alcoholic and had a massive stroke due to his drinking. He was found at his house a day after the stroke and he also had fits due to alcohol withdrawal.

He was rushed to hospital where he was put in intensive care and watched intensively for a few days, but unfortunately he fell into a come and stayed there for a week. We thought we were going to lose and I had to be put on Diazepam and Lorazepam just to cope with going down to see him in the coma. Naturally I broke down with overwhelming emotions and had to take more pills to block the depression and sad emotions.

He came out of the coma after a week, but I haven't seen him since because he's in a nursing home in Cork and I live in Dublin.

I rang the nursing home yesterday as usual, but this time I actually spoke to him on the phone. He sounded so different from the man I know, weak in his voice and he didn't know who I was. This upset me greatly.

Tomorrow I am going down to see him and I am having a few attacks because I am terrified of him not remembering me.

Guys, what will I do if he still doesn't remember me when he sees me face to face. I will be devastated and have panic attacks for sure. I already had one today and I had to get Mark to hold me tight as I was shaking like a leaf.

[MRS STRESS ED]

so sorry to hear this I hope it all goes well for you tomorrow stay positive sending you :hugs:

[Magic]

Edward,
You have to stay strong. Even if your Dad does not remember you. You can sit with him you can and talk about anything you want to. Try to stay calm.
I hope you are taking Mark with you for support.
:hugs:

[Annie0904]

Edward I am pleased you are going to see your dad. Quite often elderly people forget who people are and I have seen this happen. The important thing is that you know who he is and you are doing the right thing going to see him. Whatever happens tomorrow be positive about it and know that you have done what is right.

[Edward_1980]

Thanks so much guys.

I am on Diazepam 2mg that I still have so I will be taking them tomorrow.

At least I don't have to worry that he isn't been taken care of. The family have paid for him to be in a private Nursing home. I know he's recieving the best if care.

Magic: Mark is coming for support because when I visited him in the coma iI broke down and he knows I need him again tomorrow for support.

Even if he doesn't remember me, and there's a strong possibility that that's the case, I will sit with him and talk to him.

[bernie1977]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope all goes well with your visit. If he remembers you or not it's nice that you're going and that he'll have some company from your visit

[Pete_uk]

My nan is suffering with dementia and I'm afraid to go and see her in her home

[Speranza]

Hey guys, it is ok to feel this way.

My Mum didn't know me for many years.

I think in with the grief etc there is the feeling, "Oh my God, Mum/Dad would have hated to be this way."

Personally I believe we project all that. I think my Mum was perfectly happy inside her dementia. It is very hard to see the change in someone we know and love/loathe... but it is ok. You know deep down that you need to be there - so eve going and having a panic attack is going to be better for you long-term than the guilt of knowing you never went.

Just remember anything you feel is ok - even if you feel angry at him for getting this way. xxx

[Pipkin]

I agree with Speranza. My grandmother had dementia and didn't recognise me for the last couple of years if her life. Although she may not have wanted to finish her life in that way (who does?), she always appeared contented and pleased to see me.

Pip x

[littlemisschatterbox]

Best of luck Edward hope it goes ok xx

[Eyji1]

Best of luck to you.

[Edward_1980]

Update:

We were up at 5am yesterday to set out. I was anxious so I took a sedative to relax and tried to sleep in the car. No such luck. I was too wound up. It was a three hour drive and I just listened to music and talked to Mark in the car.

We arrived home at 8pm and had a tea from the local petrol station while we waited for my Brother to arrive to take us to the care home. I decided to take this time to visit my Mum's grave and what I saw shocked me to the core. It was full of weeds shooting up and no fresh flowers have been placed on it for some time. This caused a little bit of Anxiety. We drove back to the petrol station to collect my brother and headed to the care home.

Dad was sitting in his room when I went in with Mark and my brother. He didn't look up when he saw me, but I handed him his bunch of Bananas and decided to bring him out into the air for a while. We sat there, the four of us, and talked. Dad was trying to keep up with things, but he doesn't follow unless you talk while looking him. He hasn't mentioned my Mother in months. He's a different man from the one I knew. He's as gentle as a lamb. I asked him if it would be OK to have a photo taken with him and he said OK. We didn't have that much time because it was nearly tea break for all the residents. I was feeling deeply emotional and also upset. I only found out yesterday that on top of the fits and stroke that he has now also been diagnosed with dementia, which accounts for him not remembering people and being in a time frame from years ago. I felt happy getting the photo taken. He actual;ly looks better now than he did when he was drinking. When it was time to go I tried to hug him, but he didn't do anything, so I just shook his hand and told him I would be down to visit him again in a few weeks.

It's hard when you see your own family members like that. I wanted to throw my arms around him yesterday and for him to do the same, but that's the way he is now and I have to cope with that. I did get anxious because I didn't want to leave him there so I took another Diazepam when we were leaving just to relax. I know he's in the right place now, no matter how much that kills me.

[Annie0904]

Edward, well done for all you did yesterday. It was a long journey and you should be proud of yourself for coping so well.
About your mothers grave...My Grandmother told me before she died "Don't bother coming to my grave with flowers, I won't be there, I will be in a better place" I know she is in my heart and I have many fond memories of her.
It was lovely that you could get a photo of you and your dad together and I am sure he appreciates your visit even if he can't really show it. You did so well Edward...Well Done!!

[Magic]

Yes You did well Edward visiting your Dad:hugs:Hope Mark gets better soonxx

[Col]

:hugs:

[Edward_1980]

Thank you guys.

Dad is getting his mobile phone back in a few days so that I can ring him. The thing is, he doesn't understand too well when you aren't looking at him directly in the face, so would I agitate him if I rang him?

I know I'm probably getting annoying at this stage, but I just want you guys opinion?:hugs:

[Granny Primark]

I was so very sad to read your post.
However I think you should be very very proud of yourself because you coped amazingly well.:)
I know what its like to see a dad suffer with dementia its terrible.
However I think its a good idea for your dad to have his phone. Im sure hel recognise your voice.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

---------- Post added at 09:23 ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 ----------

Hey please dont think you are annoying. We are all here to help each other:hugs: