Just realised how worthless I am

[Orange Lightning]

This is a companion post to my other one on the HA/Hypochondria board. I'm aiming to throw out everything wrong with me in one go, so apologies if I depress anyone in the process. Basically, there's not a single good thing about me. I'd find it easiest to point out why in a bulleted list:

1) I'm an Outcast. A nerd right down to the spotty skin, glasses and dorky laugh. I read manga, play video games and more stereotypical nonsense. And nobody shares my interests, especially not the public who laugh at me in the streets, or my family who tell me to stop wasting my life.

2) I'm sub-standard at everything. I'm very easy to fool and extremely stupid with logic; sure I can do a little maths, but I couldn't tell you what most common words in society mean.

3) I'm a Gay, Asexual Furry. There's no greater recipe for loneliness. I've never had a date, have very few friends and I'm horribly shy. My parents don't believe I'm gay because I've never had a date, and I don't dare tell them I'm a furry. All my attempts to bond with others fail in an almost epic manner. It's embarrassing really.

4) To this day, I am STILL bullied by people younger than me. I've been prodding, pushed into thorn bushes and verbally assaulted constantly. Why me? All I did was walk down the street to the next bus stop.

5) I'm bogged down with LPR reflux, and nobody wants anything to do with it or me. They're all happy to tell me its just "In my head" and leave me to think suicidal thoughts.

6) I feel guilty about everything. I can't stop lying to my parents about small things, and I want to move away from them to recover my independence. That makes me feel guilty to, for hating my parents the way I do.

I feel like God's idea of a joke. An introvert doomed to a life of suffering in solitude, both socially and in health. Despite saying I'm looking for love, I just want to be alone. Run away from the world so they can't mock me, and if my LPR reflux gets the better of my mind at last, I want to be somewhere where I can die without harming anyone close to me. To round off, I'll quote a character from a favourite video game of mine:

"Just go the hell away..! All the world needs is me. I don't get people. Never have, never will."

Sorry if my post is a bit nonsensical. I just typed without thinking, it helps to get it all out faster this way. Thank you.

[PanchoGoz]

Is the quote possilby from FF7? One of my favs

Anyway, are you intending to do anthing about these problems? Any plans?
Also, how much can you change without changing you? Remember to always love yourself and all your bad bits too. Sometimes you need to find respect for yourself to move forward, instead of throwing things out like rubbish. The soul is something to be worked with, not against.

[Col]

I dont look like a nerd in a sterotypical sense BUT get told I am one, by my hubby all the time. SO WHAT. im 32 tomoz - like Manga im obsessed by the night sky, I love my own space, Im off the wall and i think people thtink Im a bit ditsy or eccentric AND im not botherd. STOP worrying too much about what everyone else thinks.

accept yourself and your likes.

you might think your a miss fit but theres always someone out there feeling the same x

[Tessar]

Yeah indeed stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Also stop labelling yourself in such a negative way. I'm also interested to hear if you have any plans regarding helping yourself climb out if this situation?
I've been in the same boat too. I recall sitting in the chair at a therapy session being asked by my therapist to name 5 things I like about myself. S i said "i could give you a much longer list of things i dislike about myself. her response? She said "no brownie points for that".
Whilst people will will relate to the remarks you've made about yourself, I would prefer not to enter a dialogue with you about any of them. Reason being that from my own experience if re-building my self-esteem, that these negative labels are.... Entirely pointless. They are easy to rattle off the tongue but can guarantee 100% they will NOT help you in any way at all.
I hope this doesn't sound too bunt but you need to find a way of improving your outlook. I don't know if you've sought therapy or counselling bit again speaking from my mown experience, if you feel this down then you will find it easier with professional help. So... Make that leap. Do something about it. Reach out for help. Next time you feel like labelling yourself in these derogatory ways, remember that you re NOT those things. You are as worthwhile as any other human being. No-one can question that.

[AuntieMoosie]

Hun no body is every worthless. Every body, no matter who, has something to offer in this life :)

Having read your post a couple of times, it sounds to me like you are depressed, all the feelings you describe are feelings that often come from depression.

Depression is a treatable illness and you will recover :)

Tessar I was like you. My psychotherapist asked me to just tell her one thing that I liked about myself, I couldn't do it, instead I just broke down sobbing.

However after my therapy, I could easily write down plenty of things that I liked about myself :)

When we reach this point, we have to take stock and think "ok I've reached this point, so how can I move forward?"

As others have said, make the move to get help now...........don't wait until you have no motivation to seek the help, do it NOW!!!!

You are a beautiful person, you have so much to give and offer in this life, you are worthy, you are lovable, you have your life, you deserve to be happy and you can be happy, grab your life with both your hands, by your finger tips if you have too and go and get help NOW!! :hugs: