Tracy Dixon
01-09-13, 22:46
Hi all! Well it's another day in the life of me! Smiling my way through the day for my beautiful children when really my anxiety is eating away at me and inside I'm crying, I try to rationalise everything, to tell myself that im "fine" I tell myself that I'm no different to everybody else, that everybody has aches and pains! But do they?! The only time I get relief is when I lay down to sleep then magically all my pains disappear! As soon as my eyes open on a morning....BANG! The pains start, the mind starts working over time! Am I alone? Am I even normal? Why do I do this to myself! Are my thoughts and my mind in over drive causing all of this? It's been going on for months! No better no worse so surely I'm not ILL! I've been through every cancer in the medical book, I have no reason to fear cancer, it's not passed in my family yet the fear worsens, I have ibs which presents with lots of discomfort, but how much of my pain can I link to this, I visit the doctors but not to regular, because I feel ridiculous for feeling this way! My current fear is lung cancer, it's lasted months, my doctor knows my concern of my prolonged and slightly chesty cough, no blood, probably just a smokers cough! I smoke 10 ish a day, this fuels my anxiety if course, I have cramp type pains under my right shoulder and under right lower rib, slightly breathless but I have stuffy sinuses! No weight loss and actually a very healthy appetite despite my anxiety! I have numb patches and pins and needles across my back, down my arms and in my fingers but I've suffered middle back problems for 7 years, my doctor isn't concerned therefore maybe I shouldn't be! I've had no blood work or X-rays just a simple stethoscope on my chest and back to which my doctors says my lungs sound great! Maybe I should start to trust my GP, after all they are the professionals! Ah if only! I long for the day when I get up out of bed and my first thoughts aren't of a negative nature!.