Help please....

[HunniBee]

Morning all,

I've awoken with this strange panic this morning, I suffer from panic attacks & aniexty but my sister has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl & I couldn't be more proud but yet I seem to have this deep seated panic about it, like I can't be around in case something bad happens, like what if I hurt her :(

I never ever would but its making me panic & suffering from OCD with intrusive thoughts & I had one before about harming my nephew not that I ever would but its making me feel awful....can anyone help??

HB x

[Bonnibelle]

I've had similar thoughts about babies in the family. I'm too scared to hold then incase I hurt them or something. I've 3 children of my own and I've not harmed a hair on their head. It's OCD, I starred suffering last year with anxiety and panic after an attack and that's when the thoughts hit.

I've read books that have helped. Have you had these thoughts before?

[HunniBee]

Hi Pearl,

Thank you for your reply.

I think with thoughts like this I've just dismissed them as nothing before but 3 years ago when I suffered with very bad depression it seemed to all come to a head then.

Earlier I went to see my sister & hold my niece but I only could for like 5 minutes because I got scared & thought I was doing it all wrong & what if I hurt her & everything & it's really upset me & my head is telling me how much of a bad person I am :(

It doesn't help that I'm suffering with stress from work, looking for a new job & considering moving away from home to somewhere that's new & 2 hours away from all friends & family. At the moment I just feel like a big old mess & I'm starting to panic that I can't cope..... Plus I sit there & shop online & buy things to fill that void of emptiness I sometimes feel & to make myself a bit happier....like go on a mad spending spree. I don't get it, yesterday I was so happy & the other day when my niece was born I was bouncing around but now I just feel like I can't be bothered to be here.

Sorry to pour it all out :(

HB x

[Bonnibelle]

Well done on going to see your sister and holding your niece, big achievement. It is all about doing the things that scare us to prove the thought wrong.

I do the same thing, I often spend to cheer myself up, it's what us women do ;-)

I think you['re suffering from stress. I had post traumatic stress after an attack and that is when my thoughts of what if I harmed my children started. I know i never would as they are my world but still the thoughts terrify me.

I found a book called The Imp of the Mind, very helpful.

xx

[HunniBee]

Thank you :) I shall go find that book when I get some free time :)

You know all throughout my life I've had these moods were I can be ecstatically happy for days on end then I fall in to a complete funk, crying & thinking every bad thing imaginable....I did ponder on manic depressive disorder as my moods are so frigging varied its unreal! I just want to sleep all the time, I find it hard to concentrate & I feel like my mind is racing a thousand times a minute! I don't want to sound crude but I've lost all interest in regards to my libido....I just can't be bothered with much at this present moment in time.

It feels so good to get it out to someone that may understand me & someone who I do not know & will not judge me. Thank you so much!!

HB xx

[Bonnibelle]

Anytime. I have had alot of help from people on here and noone judges you as they know how it feels.

xxx

[HunniBee]

Thank you Pearl :) much appreciated.

I went to the doctors & he has changed my medication from citalopram to fluoxetine 20mg starting in a week, I've got to take 20mg citalopram for a week then go on to the fluoxetine. Nervous now though :weep:

HB xx