View Full Version : Can't cope with another test!!! End of tether...
Have been suffering a really severe episode of anxiety Just had an ultrasound on kidneys, bladder, ovaries, pancreas after a supposed UTI which still showed white cells in urine so Dr sent me to Consultant. Also had a cytoscopy (bladder camera) which was also clear. I worried myself stupid prior to all this - convinced I had either kidney or bladder cancer. Despite being clear, still feel rubbish - have really bad low backache (on and off) and 'sore' feeling in buttocks and down legs. My IBS has kicked in cause of the anxiety so I've had loads of trips to the loo which doesn't help.
I've also had a blood test for ovarian cancer and all normal. Now I'm panicking that it's bowel cancer and it's terminal and they've missed it or it's cervical cancer (my last smear was okay about 12 month's ago although Dr said I do have a small erosion on my cervix).
I have to stop myself from driving myself to the A&E to get admitted to sort this out - can't face any more tests and fear that if I go to the Dr, she will send me for test and I couldn't bear the wait and sheer fear and terror of the results again.
I'm 57 so fear that the chances I have cancer are extremely high. I can't live my life like this. Am seeing a hypnotherapist, have tried CBT and take Citalopram but nothing is working this time...
Wits end and just want to get in my car and run away. My family think it's a big joke and that I am always 'dying' of something.
Dr said yesterday that I am depressed and that's why I have such a bad cancer phobia but I feel there's no end to it and that I'm going to give myself cancer if I carry on like this.
I've lost my coping mechanism. All I can picture is getting bad news, not coping and my family all sitting around my beside holding my hand while I die ....
Doesn't sound like anybody thinks you need anymore tests?
I can totally understand what you're going through here. I remember when I used to umm and ahh about driving myself to A & E to finally get whatever was wrong with me looked at and fixed. The frustrating thing was that I almost never felt quite bad enough to do it, and the times I did go to A & E were unsatisfactory - once they just let me go with my heart still skipping beats like crazy (the reason I went in the first place!). Another time I had a severe panic attack and they patronised me like I was a child before getting me out of there double quick.
You must stop the cycle of reassurance-seeking/worry/symptoms and to do this you need to turn around and face the symptoms. Literally say to them: 'go on then, do your worst'. It's amazing how effective this can be as you lose the fear and find that your symptoms (especially things like your IBS) will diminish rapidly.
You are not going to give yourself cancer.
Even if you did have terminal cancer would you want to live your last days/months on this planet in a state of fear, worry and depression?
It's a beautiful day - get outside for a walk or something, find something to distract you, put some uplifting songs on - just get off your sofa and out. I can almost guarantee that you'll feel better if you do this, regardless of how hopeless this seems to you right now.
Hi Jules,
You seem to be in such a high state of anxiety that you're confused about whether you you are fed up with having tests or want to admit yourself to hospital - presumably for more tests!
Well, guess what, you don't have to have any more tests. Instead you can accept
that you don't have cancer and get on and enjoy your life. You have that choice. you really do.
I know it isn't easy but you need to get yourself out of what seems like a very vicious circle of worry=doctors=tests=worry. You can do it. You are stronger than you think you are.
Well somebody told me that ultrasounds aren't reliable to they won't have found everything so that didn't help.
I can't see that it is normal to have this backache and sore buttocks every day without there being something wrong and then the Dr will just send me to the bowel specialist for tests. I felt so ill last night at home and bad this morning at work. I am sitting here just putting on a brave face and desperately trying not to give in a google 'lower backache' because it always comes up with some sort of cancer.
It doesn't help that I don't trust hospitals nowadays with all the scare stories on the news about neglect and misdiagnosis and then the terror of being admitted on a Friday and there being no doctors on until the Monday as happened with a friend's father recently and he died because they didn't treat him in time.
Who told you that ultrasounds weren't reliable?
If you have backache and sore buttocks every day have you considered it could well be your posture, your mattress, your office chair, your sofa, strained muscles, pure anxiety?
All of which are very likely, none of which are cancer.
It doesn't help that I don't trust hospitals nowadays with all the scare stories on the news about neglect and misdiagnosis and then the terror of being admitted on a Friday and there being no doctors on until the Monday as happened with a friend's father recently and he died because they didn't treat him in time.
Ah yes the old fear of weekends, I remember this well. Basically my symptoms got much worse as each weekend approached. This was because subconsciously my brain was thinking: only the trainee doctors will be working in A&E at weekends, I can't get a GP appointment at the weekend, A&E will be overcrowded at the weekend with booze-related injuries.
My worst fear used to be Christmas Day for much the same reasons as above. I can't believe I ruined about 5 Christmases because I was terrified about the thought of poor healthcare if I needed it. I was locked in that 'what if...' mentality and I now know that this is no way to live.
If it helps I know people who have had undiagnosed back pain every day for years. For some it just went away, for others they still have it. The human body is not perfect, there are many variations of normal.
I like the way you think Skippy66... you too Brunette... Kudos to you both!
A fresh voice of reason in the storm that is HA.
I am thinking anal abcesses, advanced bowel cancer....I had a bowel abcess 30 years ago which was initially diagnosed as 'nerves' until I was rushed in as an emergency and almost died with peritonitis....was a Crohn's suspect but haven't had a recurrence but I feel so rough today I could just put my head on my desk and fall asleep...usually when I've had the all clear from tests, I feel great and my appetite comes back but not this time...I'm panicking all the time now and it starts as soon as I open my eyes around 6am....
---------- Post added at 13:04 ---------- Previous post was at 12:52 ----------
Who told you that ultrasounds weren't reliable?
If you have backache and sore buttocks every day have you considered it could well be your posture, your mattress, your office chair, your sofa, strained muscles, pure anxiety?
All of which are very likely, none of which are cancer.
Brunette,
It doesn't feel muscle related - more of a soreness in buttocks and a period type pain in back. Could anxiety give me backache though?
...usually when I've had the all clear from tests, I feel great and my appetite comes back
This speaks volumes to me
This speaks volumes to me
i agree
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