Long depressing thread but I really need serious help!

[Sinking slowly]

I'm sorry for this long message but I have to speak to someone. I'm 42 married and have suffered from anxiety, panic attacks and social phobia all my life. I had one bout of cognitive therapy at 24. I try n avoid the docs. im on paroxetine but a low dose because even taking meds makes me anxious too! My repeated further therapy has been privately funded. I have not worked since I was 20, just the odd cleaning jobs for friends n generally scratching a living. My ex paid for everything. I'm now remarried and my hubby has a shop attached to our home. I worked in it for a while but I just can't cope so he said stop, just do the housework and don't worry . I'm not stupid, I'm very sociably, hard working, come across as happy but it's wearing me down now. I'm always skint, he adores me but resents the fact everything financially is on his shoulders. I have never claimed any benefits but I think I need to try. This terrifies me!!!!! I'm perfectly (physically) capable of working but how do I explain how I just can't cope some days, other days I can, I can explode into panic by the strangest thing! I'm sick to death of having to ask for five pounds to buy socks. To pay for a lipstick or bread! It's killing me having nothing of my own. He drives me everywhere so my life revolves around his availability to take me food shopping or walk the dogs. I go out once a month for a coffee with a friend. That's my life. Please help me with some advise. I see my life ahead of me as just cleaning the house for hrs each day so my husband thinks I look productive n not just sitting around doing nothing while behind the door he's working his arse off. Putting my hand out for housekeeping n feeling guilty. If he kicked me out I would probably top myself because just everything normal like shopping, even banking n looking for a job is to much for me. Let alone being alone! God my life's shit lol. The annoying thing is im a very jolly person to those who know me they have no idea what's going on in my head. I have no sense of worth anymore n I need financial help now I just can't do this anymore.

---------- Post added at 08:38 ---------- Previous post was at 07:53 ----------

My husband earns good money I expect ill not be able to get any help anyway though. I just don't know what to do.

[Speranza]

Hi, I'm truly sorry to read that you are feeling so very low.

First thing, is there anybody around you can talk to at all? Even if it's just to ask then round for coffee to gently shake things up a bit?

Secondly, am I right in guessing that you haven't tried many other meds? There are so many around and lots of people here have tried several before finding the one which is best for them. I think it would be a great idea to talk to the doctor and explain just how low you are - you have nothing to lose really do you...

Thirdly, you seem to have closed your life down until you are living in a tiny box which can only be opened by your husband. This is making me wonder if you also have depression? I really think a great place to start would be seeing the doctor... It's something you could do to sort of try and help your husband, if you think about it. To take the pressure off him a bit. And maybe enable you to go and start earning eventually. That's not a priority now though, except that it impacts on your self worth. You need to talk to somebody who can help you with your self esteem and assess whether you might be a bit depressed.

Thank you for reaching out - I hope others will chip in too soon!

Gill x

[ElizabethJane]

I don't know anything about the new benefits system so can't comment on that. I have had long periods when I didn't work though. I think that it is a matter of confidence building up slowly maybe some voluntary work that you could enjoy doing and is worthwhile. You would meet new friends too. EJ

[Darbysa]

Hi there
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way but you've come to the right place. Speranza has given you some really good advice - I totally agree with everything she says. I also think Elizabeth's suggestion is good as a way of getting back into the swing of things. You say you're on a low dose of paroxetine. How long for and what dose? maybe an increase would help you along. I know you say you don't like doctors but I really think its your best starting place. Maybe some more counselling if you can get it?
Good luck and keep in touch.
Sal

[purplesky]

I'm not sure what you would get re benefits, as it depends on lots of things, but I can say that if you qualified for the new DLA which is called PIP (personal independence payment) it is not means tested, so income is not taken into account..clearly you would have to meet the criteria, and so my next recommendation would be to contact your local welfare rights office.

There is usually one fairly nearby, and given your circumstances they should be able to make a home visit - at least they have at my local office for people I know (including myself in the past).

Worth contacting them as it is a free service and can be very very useful for assisting in all aspects of welfare (benefits) claiming.

Obviously I don't know where you are from, but if you search the internet for your local town and widen the search to other towns if necessary..

Good luck :)