Tired of my thoughts

[Fianna]

A bit of background: I have always been slightly anxious, but it was manageable, and I could distract myself. After a stay in hospital at the start of August I have been struggling with fairly bad anxiety and depression. I was hyperanxious all the time, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat etc etc.

I have had some hypnotherapy, which has drastically improved my anxiety. However, I'm really struggling with my thoughts, still. They seem to run in this constant cycle, over and over, throughout the day. Luckily I'm sleeping okay, so I have a break then, but as soon as I wake up, there is that weight in my chest again, and my thoughts slip straight back into cycle.

I have a couple of methods from the hypnotherapist, which work sometimes, but it's like I've got so used to my thoughts that I hardly even know how to break into them anymore. I don't even know what to think about when I'm not thinking all these anxious thoughts. It's kind of exhausting, and I'm so tired of my thoughts. It also makes me feel like I'm not 'here', I'm just floating through my life, and can't really feel anything, other than anxiety and depression.

I guess I just wanted to vent in this post, and to see if anyone else has this problem, and how they cope with it. Any help would be great :)

[kennethman1]

it's kind of the same with me.... i think it's because my mind makes itself think bad thoughts and anxious thoughts 'what if i have a panic attac now?' some ways that hopefully help me is too keep my mind busy, play games, play guitar....etc... however cruel the worlday seem, it doesn't matter, however terrifying the world may seem it doesn't matter, stay strong, if you don't fight you can't win! don't let anxiety control your life :p it's easier said than done because I still suffer after about 2 years, but hopefully one day i'll grow out of it and never have it again.....

[Fianna]

Yeah, I try distractions but they never seem to work. It would be great to have a break from it all and just relax for a while. I feel like my brain has been switched on for weeks and hasn't been able to rest.

[xvolatileheart]

The way you described the thoughts and not being able to break the cycle and feeling like you're floating through life and can't feel anything... you described it PERFECTLY. That is exactly how I feel. But I've been struggling with this for over a year and a half now. I think I'm finally going to have to try medication to break the cycle. Are you on any meds?

[kennethman1]

sorry i'm going to ramble but , i feel uneasy that my mind could wander and keep thinking at the back of my mind 'what if i started getting anxious randomly now it's happened before, will i be like this forever?,there's no-one to save me' most of the time i feel like i need to distract myself (talk to people, go on ipod) because i'm scared of getting another panicky episode. during the day, whenever i think of this, i might get a lingering feeling of nausea and this makes me unhappy and drained. scared of getting a panic attack in certain situations where i think i might get one

[Fianna]

xvolatileheart: I'm not on any meds, no, I was trying to avoid that if possible. I am starting some CBT in a week and a half, so I'm hoping that will help me.

What I have found useful is this; http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=91696. The ebooks section has a section on Obsessional Thoughts, which I recommend for both of you if you're having the same problem as me. I've only started reading it today, but it's been helping.

[amyvic]

Hi Fianna,

I know exactly what you're going through, I've been there.
The reason why you're stuck on repeat is twofold:

1) You're trying so hard not to think about the thoughts. You have therefore given these thoughts an emotional tag so your mind will quickly turn it's attention to them.
You need to allow yourself to think them, without minding that you're thinking them. If that means thinking about them 24/7 in the beginning then so be it! Your mind will get bored of the thoughts eventually. You will also become desensitised to them so when they do come they no longer matter.
2) Your anxious about anxiety. You spend the day looking over your shoulder looking for the anxiety elephant and wondering if it's going to stampede. You need to become fearless of that anxiety elephant. The below is a good exercise, it takes a little courage in the beginning but it does work:

Periodically throughout the day you need to FOCUS on your anxiety. During that period of focus you summon the anxiety elephant (or whatever animal you visualise anxiety to be) and you ask it to give you everything it's got "Do your worst" I say! Let the symptoms come.

You'll find that you become desensitised to anxiety, and you won't be bothered if it rears it's ugly head. And when not bothering starts that's when you'll start making leaps and bounds on your recovery journey. And that's exactly what it is - a journey - and journey's have ends.

It won't always be like this, I promise you that.

[kennethman1]

Hi Fianna,

I know exactly what you're going through, I've been there.
The reason why you're stuck on repeat is twofold:

1) You're trying so hard not to think about the thoughts. You have therefore given these thoughts an emotional tag so your mind will quickly turn it's attention to them.
You need to allow yourself to think them, without minding that you're thinking them. If that means thinking about them 24/7 in the beginning then so be it! Your mind will get bored of the thoughts eventually. You will also become desensitised to them so when they do come they no longer matter.
2) Your anxious about anxiety. You spend the day looking over your should looking for the anxiety elephant and wondering if it's going to stampede. You need to become fearless of that anxiety elephant. The below is a good exercise, it takes a little courage in the beginning but it does work:

Periodically throughout the day you need to FOCUS on your anxiety. During that period of focus you summon the anxiety elephant (or whatever animal you visualise anxiety to be) and you ask it to give you everything it's got "Do your worst" I say! Let the symptoms come.

You'll find that you become desensitised to anxiety, and you won't be bothered if it rears it's ugly head. And when not bothering starts that's when you'll start making leaps and bounds on your recovery journey. And that's exactly what it is - a journey - and journey's have ends.

It won't always be like this, I promise you that. this wasn't for me but i could definately use this aswell....thank you!

[amyvic]

Happy to help Kenneth, onwards and upwards my friend!

[Fianna]

Thanks Amy.

I've been trying to do something similar the last day or so. It's difficult, though. I know that I have to patient and give things time, but it's frustrating when I wake up in the morning with horrible thoughts rushing through my mind and my heart racing uncomfortably fast or when I'm sitting at work and my mind is churning with thoughts.

Still, have to keep going, I suppose...

[amyvic]

I'm mega impatient too, I've been labelled a perfectionist too which doesn't help, either I'm 100% better or I'm not. I can't recognise the middle ground.

Keep going, with patience and perseverance you will get there.