Tyke19
05-09-13, 04:03
I'm 21 years old, I've suffered from minor anxiety since i was about 14, i still have it to this date, I've accepted it and it's who i am, through the back end of 2011 and most of 2012 i suffered quite back with depression, i didn't really know it at the time but i was miserable as anything, in September 2012 i went on a lads holiday to spain, as you do, sleep with a few women etc, as soon as i got back, i thought i'd have caught HIV (yes i used protection) i went to the clinic for a test but the nurse told me i'd have to go back in 3 months for another, well that was it, i'd gone. from September to December that year, i never slept, already started planning how i'd have to change my life through having HIV and what courses there are to help people with the virus, anyway, as the months past by (slowly but surely) My thinking mechanism i'd totally gone, i couldn't tell the time for about 2 months and i'd completely lost plot.
Anyway, i went back for the second test in December, by this stage i'd have been to the doctors on an average 2-3 times a week for other things that i'd found to worry about. a week later it all come back clear, so i thought that was it, it's over.. oh no, it wasn't.
January 2012 arrived, the things i was worrying about was incredible, i still can't belief it to this day, i started worrying about testicular cancer and lumps, so for about a month i'd check, every day about 10-50 times, i can remember going to the cinema once and having to leave to go to the toilet to check to see if there was any lumps, that's how bad it got, as soon as i'd stop worrying about them, i'd find something else to go worry about it, i looked for things, Anyone i was in the bath and i thought i found a lump, so i went to the doctors got checked, and the doctor said i'd been trying so hard to find a lump i've actually managed to find the thing that attaches your testicules to you penis (sorry for the info). I'll never forget this certain doctors appointment, it was a turning point i think, however the next few months was still hard. in May 2012 the health anxiety eased, i felt it going, i was less bothered by it and i wouldn't check as much, if i had a headache and thought it was a tumor then if it was it was, i changed my whole mentality about my health, if i got a pain in my chest, i said to myself ''well it's either a little pain or i'm having an heart attack, so we'll see, if i have an heart attack i'm not gunna know about it anyway so i'm not spending the next 8 hours worrying about it''
anyway the summer was nearly over and i'd say by this point i was about 65% right and back on track, i had a few therapy sessions but i felt talking to my dad and best mate helped me more (my dad suffered from it as well before me) 1 thing that i found helped, and this is by no means in a serious way nor did we mean it, but my dad and best mate just started joking about it everytime i rang them with a worry.. i rang my dad once and said ''dad i've got this pain in my stomach, it's quite bad'' he's reply was ''well mate you're f*cked then, it's probably c*ancer'' by no means i'm saying people should try this, remember i was 65% back on track, but in a weird and i mean weird way this helped me, it changed my mindset on the whole thing and it made me quite humorous to it all, which definitely did help. anyway in October 2012, i started the gym, i was 21 stone 7 lbs, i know weight 15 stone 7lbs, i've changed my whole life around and i feel amazing, has my HA fully gone? no, i'd say i'm at 90%, that's where ill stay, it will always be there but i know what to do when it creeps in now, you'll find your own ways on how to help when it creeps in.
I'd like to say that people who are like now that what i was like in early 2012, don't ever think you won't get out of it, get as much help as you can, if you feel better by going to the doctors 3 times a week like i did, do it, talk to the people who love you and talk to people who has already been through it, they understand you more than anyone.
i'd be happy for anyone to message me asking for advice, the absolute clear ones are if you're checking google every 5 minutes ring up your internet provider and tell them to turn your internet off, think about how long you've been worrying about stuff and that maybe your the fact that your still here and alive is basically telling you there's really nothing to worry about. I don't wish this illness on anyone, but just remember help yourself and the light is always bright at the end of the tunnel
Anyway, i went back for the second test in December, by this stage i'd have been to the doctors on an average 2-3 times a week for other things that i'd found to worry about. a week later it all come back clear, so i thought that was it, it's over.. oh no, it wasn't.
January 2012 arrived, the things i was worrying about was incredible, i still can't belief it to this day, i started worrying about testicular cancer and lumps, so for about a month i'd check, every day about 10-50 times, i can remember going to the cinema once and having to leave to go to the toilet to check to see if there was any lumps, that's how bad it got, as soon as i'd stop worrying about them, i'd find something else to go worry about it, i looked for things, Anyone i was in the bath and i thought i found a lump, so i went to the doctors got checked, and the doctor said i'd been trying so hard to find a lump i've actually managed to find the thing that attaches your testicules to you penis (sorry for the info). I'll never forget this certain doctors appointment, it was a turning point i think, however the next few months was still hard. in May 2012 the health anxiety eased, i felt it going, i was less bothered by it and i wouldn't check as much, if i had a headache and thought it was a tumor then if it was it was, i changed my whole mentality about my health, if i got a pain in my chest, i said to myself ''well it's either a little pain or i'm having an heart attack, so we'll see, if i have an heart attack i'm not gunna know about it anyway so i'm not spending the next 8 hours worrying about it''
anyway the summer was nearly over and i'd say by this point i was about 65% right and back on track, i had a few therapy sessions but i felt talking to my dad and best mate helped me more (my dad suffered from it as well before me) 1 thing that i found helped, and this is by no means in a serious way nor did we mean it, but my dad and best mate just started joking about it everytime i rang them with a worry.. i rang my dad once and said ''dad i've got this pain in my stomach, it's quite bad'' he's reply was ''well mate you're f*cked then, it's probably c*ancer'' by no means i'm saying people should try this, remember i was 65% back on track, but in a weird and i mean weird way this helped me, it changed my mindset on the whole thing and it made me quite humorous to it all, which definitely did help. anyway in October 2012, i started the gym, i was 21 stone 7 lbs, i know weight 15 stone 7lbs, i've changed my whole life around and i feel amazing, has my HA fully gone? no, i'd say i'm at 90%, that's where ill stay, it will always be there but i know what to do when it creeps in now, you'll find your own ways on how to help when it creeps in.
I'd like to say that people who are like now that what i was like in early 2012, don't ever think you won't get out of it, get as much help as you can, if you feel better by going to the doctors 3 times a week like i did, do it, talk to the people who love you and talk to people who has already been through it, they understand you more than anyone.
i'd be happy for anyone to message me asking for advice, the absolute clear ones are if you're checking google every 5 minutes ring up your internet provider and tell them to turn your internet off, think about how long you've been worrying about stuff and that maybe your the fact that your still here and alive is basically telling you there's really nothing to worry about. I don't wish this illness on anyone, but just remember help yourself and the light is always bright at the end of the tunnel