View Full Version : Why did my assertiveness desert me when I was at the dentist?
So.... for ages my root canal filling which was done in January has still been hurting on & off. it reached a point recently where if i bend over i can feel a bit of pain in the area.
Today I had a check-up & was all ready to ask my dentist to x-ray it but then when I said it still hadnt settled down he just told me the only remaining option was to have it extracted & a bridge put in it's place with a false tooth.
What I meant to say was "why does it hurt when I floss it" and "why does it hurt if I tap the tooth". And really what I wanted to say was "are you sure it's filled properly because surely it should still be hurting?".
But all my thoughts deserted me & I didnt ask any of my questions.
Honestly, if I'd been asked to advise anyone going for this appointment, I'd have said WRITE IT DOWN. But I was so sure I'd remember what I wanted to say, that I didnt.
He said "we can monitor it". Which, since I dont have to go back for a check up til next year, means.... if you cant put up with the niggles, then come back.
I wondered if I could go to another dentist (have to be private as mine's nhs) & get a second opinion. In general terms my dentist is very good. I do trust him; I just wish I'd remembered what to say!
Well I'd definitely at least make sure he X-rays before doing any work, or get a second opinion if you don#t feel you trust him.
I'm only speaking as a patient who's been told this in the past, but what you describe could all be down to a slight receding of the gum and a little of the sensitive area of the tooth being exposed.
Personally before you panic and have stuff done, I would try switching to Sensodyne and also rubbing a little of it neat around the base of that tooth after brushing. After a week you will know if it is helping. Possibly even earlier. Worth a try. x
Oh Tessar - you sound like me. I'm terrible for not saying what I want to say when I'm in a certain place and later thinking 'why didn't I......'! January is a long time to still be in a bit of discomfort but if I'm honest I don't really know what's 'normal' when it comes down to it. I have to say since mine was done on Tuesday I've had twinges on/off but the pain is gone. Time will tell! Anyway, if I were you I would probably take Speranza's advise but if it's still causing you discomfort in a few weeks, make another appointment. That's what they're there for! I wouldn't waste time or money trying to find somebody private. Go back loaded with your questions (written down) and go from there. Big hugs honey. xx
Anxiety is confidence draining and kills your thought processes, that is why.
I don't have a lot of faith in dentists or root canal treatment. I had one tooth done and it was painful while he was doing it and continued to be sensitive to eat/brush/floss/etc afterwards. Went back and he said maybe he didn't get all the nerve out? - so he redid it and I had exactly the same experience and issues afterwards. I had the tooth extracted in the end.
I find the injections they use just don't work fully either - everything appears numbed up and then they start drilling.... bam! they hit a live nerve still in the tooth, very painful. Last time I went I had general sedation and they had to give me so much I can't really remember what happened but my mum who was with me said it was pretty horrible, apparently I was moaning/groaning and thrashing around in pain etc.
I don't know if you have a private or NHS dentist? But I know the NHS ones do not get paid well for the time they spend and I suspect they probably rush jobs as they are under pressure to get them out the way in the allocated time/money.
I had weeks of root canal work. Then the darned tooth cracked in two and fell out... :(
I have to admit my experience of root canal treatment has been positive.... so far. Lots of discomfort during the process but no pain. My jaw was achy for a day afterwards and I had odd twinges in & around the area but I have absolutely no pain in the particular tooth anymore. I'm hoping it's worked but if not I'll have it whipped out!
Speranza; that sounds painful! I'm whincing just thinking about that! xx
January is a long time but I would try the toothpaste for sensitive teeth and see if it helps it. I think you did very well at the dentist even if you don't think you were assertive enough. All I did when I went was shake and cry and couldn't speak at all!! If the toothpaste doesn't work after a couple of weeks I would go back and ask them to x ray to see what is going on. x
Thank you everyone for your replies. Speranza, I already use sensodyne but maybe I will try putting some directly on the tooth. I switched to an electric toothbrush as I was indeed pushing my gums back.
I'd definitely want an x-ray b4 anything is done. I've been having trouble with this tooth for probably a year now. Initially he filled it but it flared up again (on Xmas eve). I had pt 1 of my root canal then & the next appt in January. When he stuck the rod in, it felt like he was piercing my bone... Bearing in mind the nerve should be dead I did query that with him but he said its normal. A week later the top of the filling fell out :-(
Yenool, what u describe, sounds like it, but at the mo I don't believe the tooth is doomed!
My dentist tried to save one on my bottom teeth a few years ago. I kept getting infections but on the nhs i had to wait 18months for some gruesome work on the area as a result. I don't want that again. I did say that to him today.
If I bend down at the moment, I can feel a sore area. I am well behaved tho coz I am not poking it around. I know it shouldn't feel like it does. Neither should it be tender when I floss. If I manage to catch it with a spoon or something it's like "ouch"!!
I'll Tell u what. I am in holiday last week of sept. when I get back, if it's not right I will go back (loaded with written down questions, Michelle) & ask for an X-ray. I am happy to pay (I'm an nhs patient)
Annie .... I had a little cry at lunchtime. I am VERY pmt & hormonal... I have learned now that if I feel emotional, I just need to let it out. I used to berate myself for being emotional. My counsellor suggested I visualise me as a little girl and comfort that little girl. I did do that at lunchtime (&felt a bit ridiculous) but I am sure it helped somehow.
Ten I spent the afternoon working as hard as I could.
Thanks all :flowers:
AuntieMoosie
06-09-13, 21:04
Tessar your therapist is spot on hun.
I had to learn to comfort the little "me" when I was having my therapy and, yes, at first I felt stupid, but it does work, I still have to do it from time to time now.
What we all forget is that in our lives all we do is grow up into adults. The child that we were is still within us, it doesn't go anywhere. If the little "you" needed comfort and didn't get it, as an adult certain things will act as a trigger and we feel the sadness of fear all over again.
If we can learn to "Mother" the little "us" we can comfort ourselves. Basically we have to learn to be our own "Mother" not our birth/adoptive/foster Mother, but our own "Mother" as we will know what it is that we need :)
I think what may have happened to you at the dentist was that you suddenly got pinged back to the little "you" by a trigger, it may have been the way the dentist spoke to you, or even the way he looked, but either way, you suddenly felt as you may have felt as a child, powerless and fearful, so your assertiveness just disappeared, this still happens to me sometimes and I end up being speechless and unable to say what I want to say.
I would say go back to your dentist when you have your next appointment, but do some "grounding" work while you're there. I'm not sure if your therapist has explained "grounding" but basically what you need to do is keep yourself in the here and now. You can do that by looking around you, seeing yourself as an adult, seeing yourself at the dentist, take in the smells and sounds, and this will help you to remain as the "adult" you which will enable your assertiveness skills to come through :hugs:
Auntie Moosie....The smells and sounds at the dentist!! :scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15:
Annie, fortunately for me the sounds & smells of the dentist hold little fear.... But for anyone that it does.....
:scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15: + :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: = :)
It might sound ridiculous, but painful or uncomfortable treatment doesn't scare me at all. As long as they numb the area it's fine by me. I even watch everything going on...... Even when I've had teeth pulled. I wonder sometimes of I feel like it makes me brave if I can do that. When I was little It didnt pay to show fear or to be a cry-baby..... Especially in front of my brothers. But that is different now. I let myself cry if that helps. Why not??
What you say makes total sense, auntie. My therapist has mentioned grounding. That would tie n quite nicely with mindfulness which I am exploring, I am reminding myself frequently to remain in the present. So often I get drawn to negative thought patterns, taking me back years. I am managing to break much of it but I do get caught out sometimes. This being an occasion.
He did make it sound very cut & dried. Either you put up with it or I pull it out. There was no in-between.....thinking about it, sub-consciously I did have a flicker of recognition that my perspective altered at that point.
What you said about "remaining as the adult you" is spot in as well because this last three weeks all has gone well I feel. After a spat with a colleague, that triggered little me, I had kept my perspective well.
It's amazing how this "little me" / "adult me" thing plays it's part. My counsellor uses Transactional Analysis. The theory behind it is really interesting. It's been a real eye opener for me. Each time she demonstrates how a situation works & how I can manage things differently, I sit there thinking "it's so obvious". But of course, recognising what's going in when situations change so quickly is the hard part.
Preparation. That's what I need next time. Recognising that an appointment like this when I want or need to accomplish something specific... I need to do my home work.
Cheers auntie :-)
AuntieMoosie
06-09-13, 23:00
You're always more than welcome Tessar :D
Just a funny thing..........when my therapist mentioned doing this "grounding" stuff and especially when she said that I need to keep myself "grounded" my first thought was "crikey!!! she wants me to dive to the floor or something!!!:ohmy:..........I have to admit that I wasn't really in the right state to be thinking right back then..........nuts wasn't the word for it :winks: :roflmao:
that made me chuckle............ :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks: :roflmao: :winks::winks: :roflmao:
Bit of an update.... Lowell I did get an appointment this week but my manager asked me not to go as we didn't have many people in the office. Course, me being me, I changed the appointment. I did get thanked for staying on... i should think so too.
What my manager didnt realise is how hard it was for me to change the appointment, not logistically, that was ok though I don't want a reputation for messing the dentist about, but I work miles out if town,
When I spoke to the receptionist the 2nd time, I was almost crying because I felt as if my manager hadn't taken my well being into consideration, I suppose when something is wearing you down, it's not easy to be strong, so I am not beating myself up over it. Appointment is booked for a week Tuesday, can't go next week as I am away.
My tooth's still giving me problems... I can feel an ache in my sinuses. pretty much every time I drink it hurts, certain foods especially cold, hot or sweet set it off. It's been zinging all evening and hurting on and off every day.
I will be glad to get this sorted but I have already written down my questions and I am not letting him take this tooth out unless he has proved to me (by x-ray or whatever) that it is neiva table.
One way or the other, I am fed up with it hurting, it's making me feel off. But then I suppose it would really. So that's it. gotta be patient. But soon I am gong to get it sorted. The initial filling was about a year ago now..... So I will be glad when it's sorted!
Hope you have a lovely week next week and your tooth doesn't spoil it xx:)
Oh you know what it's like, a bit of me is concerned it will flare up ..... It most likely will just continue to be a nuisance but as I will be on holiday so hopefully I can just forget about it, eh?
Well, I haven't had a big flare-up with my tooth. It still hurts tho. Definitely feels like it's affecting my sinus that side. At times I feel like you do when fighting off a lurgey. Like my sinus area is sore & going to make me I'll, anyway, I will see the dentist next week & make a decision once & for all. Might sound crazy bit I still wonder if he pushed too hard when pressing the filling stuff deep into the root & pushed right through the bottom into the bone. I know it sounds far fetched but that's what it was like. It isn't often I look forward to a dental appointment but this one is welcomed.
I hope you get it sorted soon Tessar, dental problems are a nuisance. A bit of my filling came out yesterday but it doesn't seem to be causing me any problems.
Keep an eye on it Annie, that's the best thing to do. Is your jaw/gum still sore at the front?
No it isn't..it is fine again. Maybe I had just caught it with my toothbrush :)
I feel nervous. dentist 2moro p.m. & I have 2 b assertive.
Got to decide whether to keep a tooth or not. If he says he can't fix it (root canal already done) it has to come out, the pain off & on is really driving me mad, it's affecting my sinus.
The bit i need to get my head around is asking my dentist to X-ray it... But that seems scary. I know "all I have to do" Is 'just' go in and say it as it is, he'll prob be ok with that.
Seems reasonable to me to ask for an X-ray b4 having a tooth pulled. After all there may be more he can do such as re-do the filling if it wasn't correctly done, but you can't tell that without an X-ray I'd have thought.
---------- Post added at 19:54 ---------- Previous post was at 19:52 ----------
Oh, I am not nervous about having the tooth pulled, if it's beyond repair that's fine, it's just having to front up to my dentist that bothers me. He isn't even a scary man. He is 6' tall but has always been polite to me & caring (I think I just took his comments last time round a bit too much to heart. I imagine he was just trying to be practical but didnt realise I need slightly more gentle treatment).
Right have to stop typing now or I will blub.:lac:
You can do this Tessar! You are much stronger than you think. You can get the courage to tell your dentist I know you can even if you have to pretend you are telling him for someone else! Isn't it weird how we can speak up for others but not ourselves?
Maybe I will try to be assertive on behalf of little me (my inner child, the one who gets so upset easily as they feel scared of big people). I'll do my best which hopefully will be enough.
Thinking of you, not sure what time your appointment is this afternoon but hope it is going well.
Oh Annie, u r so kind, Logging in when u r abroad. Thanku so much. When I was on the way to the dentist, I reminded myself that you'd be thinking about me & I was very grateful for that. It's like I had company along the way.
After building myself up, I didn't have 2b assertive as He did an xray without me asking. The X-ray is normal so He thinks I'm not suited to root canal fillings, try just don't seem to work 4me. He explained the options clearly. unlike last time he seemed v.kind 2day.
i opted for an extraction & bridge. I don't want the tooth out but am fed up with the pain. he showed me pictures of the bridge &its not big. At least he gave me a clear outline of the options & I'll have it out in a couple of weeks. Can't wait for the pain to go .... :yesyes: it's days like 2day that I realise I am lucky 2b in good health generally. I can't imagine what it'd b like 4people struggling with pain every day. It really drags u down.
Pleased you have got to the root of the problem (haha) and have a way forward, sounds a good plan to be pain free :)
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: and thanku
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