Female healthanxiety
06-09-13, 11:28
I'm sorry if I do babble on but I feel this is really contributing to my HA and stress levels.
I feel constantly dependable and am in such a weak state which in turn is making my HA persistent, I wondered whether any others can relate.
I am with a guy that 8 years ago cheated on me; I must admit it was a crappy relationship and we were constantly arguing so it was inevitable.
He was my first love, I was 22, and had a tough time getting over him and could not handle the rejection; one thing good that came out if it was I conquered my fear of flying after my friends and family saved up for me to go to Miami in order to help my healing process; I couldn't work, didn't eat, was constantly crying, and he was very horrible about it.
To cut the long story short; I got over it and became a new independent person, new job, got fit, and eventually moved on and met someone else 3 years ago; the new relationship was fine but after 2 years, I realise we was not going in the same direction, so I ended it.
Now a year ago; my ex that cheated, got in contact with me and said that he was so sorry for how he behaved, he was young and reckless and having me staying I'm his house while he was out every weekend was disgraceful.
At the time of conversing with him; I was a new woman and it was quite a good many years ago; I said I have never got over that hurt he really caused.
We spoke on and off for about a week and he kept reminiscing about the good times we had, etc, to which I remained friendly but impersonal. We then arranged to meet (I had to keep this private to my friends and family around me as they hated what he done). We met and I realised how strong and different I had become, and then one thing led to another and we slept together, overtime I had seen that he'd changed in terms if he does not go out anymore; he viewed life differently and had a general interest in my life. I gradually started staying round his a lot, and then before I knew it, I would stay there 5 days out of 7. Of course he was just known to everyone as a new boy I was seeing and overtime people started wondering.
Now 10 months later; I've met his mother, sister, spent time with his nephew, gone away with him for a week and also spent lots of time together.
It's now come to a point where he tells me he never wants to get married in his life (which to a point I know some men don't,but I do) he says he does not want children (of course I do eventually) I'm 30 now, and the latest thing he said is we are not going to live together because certain things I do annoy him!!!!!! I asked him what future is there then, he said couples do not have to live together!
I just feel like I am never going to be good enough for him, in the sense of my security's. he says that he could be with so many girls yet he is not like that anymore!!
Whenever we have an argument it's always me packing my bags and crying and yet he had this 'I don't give a dam' attitude.
He says he loves me and cares for me, but I just feel so low at the moment and not valued. He makes me feel insecure about myself and I'm always questioning everything I do.
I'm sorry to go on; I feel my HA is constant at the moment; I feel so tired and if u have a headache I feel like it's a tumour, chest pain I feel like it's a heart attack, dizziness I feel like there's something wrong.
I have done zumba this week with my friend and have been working as normal.
Sorry for such a long post; I have not gone into work today as I feel tired
K xxxx
I feel constantly dependable and am in such a weak state which in turn is making my HA persistent, I wondered whether any others can relate.
I am with a guy that 8 years ago cheated on me; I must admit it was a crappy relationship and we were constantly arguing so it was inevitable.
He was my first love, I was 22, and had a tough time getting over him and could not handle the rejection; one thing good that came out if it was I conquered my fear of flying after my friends and family saved up for me to go to Miami in order to help my healing process; I couldn't work, didn't eat, was constantly crying, and he was very horrible about it.
To cut the long story short; I got over it and became a new independent person, new job, got fit, and eventually moved on and met someone else 3 years ago; the new relationship was fine but after 2 years, I realise we was not going in the same direction, so I ended it.
Now a year ago; my ex that cheated, got in contact with me and said that he was so sorry for how he behaved, he was young and reckless and having me staying I'm his house while he was out every weekend was disgraceful.
At the time of conversing with him; I was a new woman and it was quite a good many years ago; I said I have never got over that hurt he really caused.
We spoke on and off for about a week and he kept reminiscing about the good times we had, etc, to which I remained friendly but impersonal. We then arranged to meet (I had to keep this private to my friends and family around me as they hated what he done). We met and I realised how strong and different I had become, and then one thing led to another and we slept together, overtime I had seen that he'd changed in terms if he does not go out anymore; he viewed life differently and had a general interest in my life. I gradually started staying round his a lot, and then before I knew it, I would stay there 5 days out of 7. Of course he was just known to everyone as a new boy I was seeing and overtime people started wondering.
Now 10 months later; I've met his mother, sister, spent time with his nephew, gone away with him for a week and also spent lots of time together.
It's now come to a point where he tells me he never wants to get married in his life (which to a point I know some men don't,but I do) he says he does not want children (of course I do eventually) I'm 30 now, and the latest thing he said is we are not going to live together because certain things I do annoy him!!!!!! I asked him what future is there then, he said couples do not have to live together!
I just feel like I am never going to be good enough for him, in the sense of my security's. he says that he could be with so many girls yet he is not like that anymore!!
Whenever we have an argument it's always me packing my bags and crying and yet he had this 'I don't give a dam' attitude.
He says he loves me and cares for me, but I just feel so low at the moment and not valued. He makes me feel insecure about myself and I'm always questioning everything I do.
I'm sorry to go on; I feel my HA is constant at the moment; I feel so tired and if u have a headache I feel like it's a tumour, chest pain I feel like it's a heart attack, dizziness I feel like there's something wrong.
I have done zumba this week with my friend and have been working as normal.
Sorry for such a long post; I have not gone into work today as I feel tired
K xxxx