Girlfriend on holiday, can't stop worrying.

[nojmac]

Hi,

I am going through a bit of a hard time today because i can't seem to get something in perspective.

Basically, i met a girl a few months ago and we have become incredibly happy. Before she met me, however, she booked a holiday to visit Rio de Janeiro alone. She is staying with Brazilian friends for two weeks and has flown today.

Meanwhile i am at home working towards the last three weeks of my Phd dissertation, so my stress levels are already very high. The trouble is that i can't shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen to her. Yesterday she made the point that she can't believe how happy we are and something is bound to go wrong, and now i can't get that out of my head. I know that Rio is a dangerous place, i also know that she is sensible and capable and staying with friends who know the place, but i have this ball of fear in my chest and keep feeling so desperate.

Even though i know the chances of her being fine far outweigh the alternative, what i am most concerned about is that for whatever reason we wont be able to speak and i'll have a total breakdown, act like a fool by texting etc and then it will all go wrong. I just know that i am going to have two weeks of intense writing and stress with my doctorate, and that is so much time to just sit and think about what could be going wrong with her. I'm terrified of the fear that i am going to feel - if that makes any sense.

I'm really sorry if this comes across as totally confused or self-pitying, but i don't know how to cope with this. Does anyone have any experience of this kind of thing?

[Dizzy_Dave]

Separation anxiety - the feelings you're getting is from the fear monster, tell it to do one - let me give you some advice, a clinging ivy is not attractive to a female especially if you've only been dating a few months! Think like this: Nothing is going to happen, she's going to be fine and miss you as much as you miss her, and that will make it even more special when she returns home :winks:
Concentrate on your future (your studying) prove to her that you're the one who will be her protector and provider not the other way around by being needy on the phone through texts etc. Can't you go out down the student bar or summat and have a drink with your mates? Chill, things are good for you, enjoy the moment.

[nojmac]

Thanks Dave,

There is no way i'll give in and start hassling her etc - this holiday is a big deal for her and i really dont want to ruin it. So i shall just contact her the normal amount for someone in our situation. I have explained a little bit about my anxiety issues and she is very understanding but like you say, clingy isnt attractive.

I just hate this persistent worrying. My entire life becomes about waiting for texts, emails etc, and in between i get myself into such a state. And i have nothing to take my mind off it because i have to work continually for the next few weeks - and i'm also worried that all this will stop me getting that work done too.

My mind just feels like a box of broken biscuits today :). I guess i'll just have to suck it up = there's nothing else i can do. Does anyone with seperation anxiety (if that's what this is) have any advice for how they cope.?

Thanks again.