disturbing thoughts

[losingmyself]

Hi all,
I'm new to the site so please bare with me.
So right now its late at night, and iv only just decided that I need some other peoples thoughts on my stomach turning, tear jerking thoughts.
I'm a mum of 2 and live in a nice 2 bed house in what would be the suburbs.
For a while now iv had majorly seriously disturbing thoughts.
They can vary from what if a spider crawls on my toes, to the most severe of thoughts, what if something happens to my children.
Tonight iv got into bed, partner is snoring away and iv turned over to analyse my day as I usually do...and as always sleep evades me.
Then out of no where....I cant believe I'm going to type this...a thought is thrown at me...what if my baby girl dies tonight??????? I was mortified my sub conscience could even think up such a thought!!!! I Google'd disturbing thoughts and came up with the 'follow the thought' idea that had been used by many CBT psychiatrists.
How...how could I even contemplate following that thought??? That wouldn't bring any good at all. Then images flashed in my head....my daughter of only 3 yrs laid naked on a morgue table lifeless...still... by this point im in fits of tears...then finally the image that made me run to her room and make sure she was ok and fish out her mat that attaches to her baby monitor...that monitors breathing and heart rate (tommee tippee baby suresound monitor)....was....her name...written in bold gold writting...on a black marble gravestone....thats it...thats where following that thought went.
Now my pillow Is soaking wet from my tears...im jumping up every second to check on my children....
Worst of all im sat here feeling like a complete nut case!!!
And im even sorry to say its not the 1st time iv had thoughts like these!!! Its vile....my stomach aches my heart aches....even though iv checked and I no shes ok! I cant live like this anymore....
I make appointments for mental help and then im just a name on a waiting list! Meanwhile this is an average day living in my head.
Please if anyone has any self help im willing to try anything...meanwhile im now curled up in a ball on the bottom of my girls bed, which I hope will eventually help me to sleep.
__________________

[AuntieMoosie]

Hun I have replied to you here :)

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=141528

[jackieann3]

Hello there your post brings back a lot of memories to me when I had my children I would think the same thoughts as you and worse I kept it to myself for a long while and just thought I was going had till I spoke to a family member about it my aunt and to my surprise she wad the same and so was a lot of other mothers I spoke to nearly everyone I spoke to about it said oh I think things like that but don't know why these thoughts just pop into our heads out the blue and because they are so shocking we think what the he'll is wrong with me it's very disturbing , but please don't worry about theses thought it's just a case of being very protective and these thought are because we dread the thought of anything happening to our children so much our brains over take and put the thoughts in our heads before we even think them yourself it's very horrible but I was told natural when you become a mother . What I did was when I had 1 of these thoughts I just tried to forget about it as quick as I could I would look at my baby and see they was ok then put it out my mind not easy and I was a lot younger then but the thoughts will pass over time as they get older you will still worry about them of course but the horrible thoughts will fade , I'm the same now but with my grandchildren it's like an obsession we just can't bare the thought of anything happening to our children , I don't know if you can relate to what I've said but I was exactly the same as you when my children were very young it did get better , hope this has helped . Xxx

[Steve37]

Hi all,
I'm new to the site so please bare with me.
So right now its late at night, and iv only just decided that I need some other peoples thoughts on my stomach turning, tear jerking thoughts.
I'm a mum of 2 and live in a nice 2 bed house in what would be the suburbs.
For a while now iv had majorly seriously disturbing thoughts.
They can vary from what if a spider crawls on my toes, to the most severe of thoughts, what if something happens to my children.
Tonight iv got into bed, partner is snoring away and iv turned over to analyse my day as I usually do...and as always sleep evades me.
Then out of no where....I cant believe I'm going to type this...a thought is thrown at me...what if my baby girl dies tonight??????? I was mortified my sub conscience could even think up such a thought!!!! I Google'd disturbing thoughts and came up with the 'follow the thought' idea that had been used by many CBT psychiatrists.
How...how could I even contemplate following that thought??? That wouldn't bring any good at all. Then images flashed in my head....my daughter of only 3 yrs laid naked on a morgue table lifeless...still... by this point im in fits of tears...then finally the image that made me run to her room and make sure she was ok and fish out her mat that attaches to her baby monitor...that monitors breathing and heart rate (tommee tippee baby suresound monitor)....was....her name...written in bold gold writting...on a black marble gravestone....thats it...thats where following that thought went.
Now my pillow Is soaking wet from my tears...im jumping up every second to check on my children....
Worst of all im sat here feeling like a complete nut case!!!
And im even sorry to say its not the 1st time iv had thoughts like these!!! Its vile....my stomach aches my heart aches....even though iv checked and I no shes ok! I cant live like this anymore....
I make appointments for mental help and then im just a name on a waiting list! Meanwhile this is an average day living in my head.
Please if anyone has any self help im willing to try anything...meanwhile im now curled up in a ball on the bottom of my girls bed, which I hope will eventually help me to sleep.
__________________

Your thoughts are just that, thoughts and therapy will teach you that they'll disappear as quickly as they arrived. Hope this helps!