I just want this all to stop

[Florance]

I'm so fed up of this thing taking over my life, I feel afraid of my own shadow, have had countless dr appointments, called out ambulances etc. I'm on 20mg omeprazole for gastric problems, I seem to be obsessed with my feet and thinking they are cold and feel odd.. sick of being driven crazy by my own mind. I was prescribed prozac but feel afraid to take it after reading side effects, I tried trazadone which made me feel awful.. I'm due back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks off and the thought of driving there etc terrifies me. I am at the end of my rapidly fraying rope. I just want to be back to my normal self. I am so scared I have something serious, even though all tests have been negative. How do I get my life back from this monster? I am a single mum with two beautiful kids and I am trying to support my mum through a big operation and cancer. I feel very overwhelmed by all of it. I just want to wake up normal. I spent some time on the phone to the samaritans a couple of nights ago, crying my eyes out saying I can't cope anymore. I just want this to stop :(

[Hypo]

I can feel your pain through your posts :(

I have been there so many times. I wish there was an easy fix. Could you possibly afford a few session of hypnotherapy? that really helped me at my worst.

If you ever need to talk please PM me. I will happily give you my number so we can chat

Massive hugs to you. Try to remember that no matter how bad things are now there is hope, things will improve xx

[jillyb]

It's hideous isn't it! I really feel for you as you have a lot going on at the moment and, quite naturally, you feel overwhelmed. I telephoned the Anxiety UK helpline and they were really supportive and talked me through a panic attack. I wish I could be more helpful but just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I'm going through a rough time too and wish I could be normal again ... Even the usual neurotic me would be better than this! Take care x

[Florance]

Hi Hypo and Jillyb thanks for replying, it helps a lot to know that there are people out there who can relate what I am going through. Life is just very overwhelming me at the moment and it all comes out as anxiety with me. Always has done. I do appreciate the support I have received here. I am also here if any of you want to talk to me about anything at all x

[mummyanxious]

Hun you have so much on your plate. I know exactly how hard your life will be as I'm a single mum to two as well and every day I just crave a rest. There never is one. You need to cut yourself some slack, helping your mum too is going to be blooming hard work mentally and physically. If you need anyone to chat to you are welcome to pm me :)

[pepperutchie]

Hi all i can say to you is dont loose hope,every doctors visits you have and numerous tests thats fine give you a much reassurance that you are just having this anxiety.i know how you feel and a lot of us here do ,dont be afraid of trying any meds that doc prescribed im sure that one of these will help you.i am having a peak of anxiety and really is very tiring it takes out all your energy and you left with fatigue and depression.dont worry youll get through this.

[xvolatileheart]

I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. I'm going through this too at the moment. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life, so don't beat yourself up for feeling so low. Anxiety is an evil monster that grabs us when we're most vulnerable. Just remember you're not alone, and we are here to help each other through it. :hugs:

[Fishmanpa]

Hi Florance,

I don't suffer from any of the maladies here on this site. I came here to gain a better understanding of anxiety disorders as I encounter those with it in real life. So, for what this may be worth, I will relate a real life experience that may help.

Last year in August I got a sinus infection. Nothing unusual, I've had them throughout my life. I also had a swollen lymph node on the left side of my neck. Again, nothing unusual. I treated it over the counter for about a month and it wasn't resolving so I went to my GP. he prescribed an antibiotic. Well, we're into October and while the sinus infection went away, the swollen gland was still there. A little disconcerted, I called my GP and he said to wait it out another week as the antibiotics need to finish working.

Then came heart attack #2 and a weeks stay in the hospital to get cardiac stents. So now, it's getting onto the end of October and I STILL have the swollen gland. Ok.. now I'm getting worried. I see my GP for a post heart attack visit and I'm fine. I mention the gland and he's visibly concerned at this point (Oh Crap!). Another round of antibiotics. Nothing! So I did the Dr. Google thing and of course everything was pointing to cancer, lymphoma to be exact. I was pretty worried but not freaking out.

Now we're into November. I call my GP, go to see him and he orders a CAT scan. CAT scan shows the swollen lymph nodes. Next, I'm off to the ENT. I spoke with him at length, told him my fears and asked that he be totally up front. He examines me, does a scope and tells me straight up. "This is cancer. I don't know what type exactly but I've seen enough to know." He did a FNAB and the results were positive for squamous cell carcinoma head and neck.

So here is a real life story of having your worst fear come true. VERY different than most here on these boards who THINK they're deathly ill but aren't.

The thing that was really different was that I wasn't really scared. My reaction was "You've got to be kidding me!... haven't I been through enough in the last 6 years?"... two heart attacks, bypass surgery, stents, not to mention a divorce in which I lost everything, broke, struggling to pay bills... I worked my way back, found a great job that I love, started playing and performing music again (I'm a professional musician) and having some great success, met a wonderful woman who I love dearly and then cancer? Are you serious? Not only cancer but head and neck cancer. No cancer is good but squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck is pretty bad as cancers go. The treatment is brutal! It's second only to bone cancer in the severity.

The point being, I WAS PISSED! How DARE this come into my life and mess things up! I have too much to do and good things happening! Yet I felt like you in that I didn't have control. Fact of the matter was I had control. I had control of how I was going to deal with it.

So I buckled down took that anger and used it to fight back. Here I am, 4 months post treatment. I'm alive and doing well. Things aren't back to normal and won't be for a while but I'm back to work, I still have my voice and will be able to return to performing next year and I'm getting better week by week, month by month.

If you take anything from this dissertation, GET ANGRY! FIGHT BACK! Don't allow this beast called anxiety to rule your life! TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK! YOU have the power to do it. Everyone here on these boards has the power within them to do it!

Anxiety is a disease just like any other! The difference is it won't hurt you unless YOU allow it to. If you're that tired, then do something about it! Take this by the collar and throw your best at it! There are therapies and self help available. There are drugs that can help quell the symptoms that you feel.

FIGHT BACK! GET PISSED! AND DO IT FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!

Positive thoughts and prayers