Disappointed and Scared - cancer fear consuming me

[Freddiemercury]

Hi all, I posted here a little while ago because of a lump in my throat. I went to an ENT and he assured me everything was fine and this did provide me temporary relief. Normally with my HA fears, a doctor's appointment will help me feel much better but this time my mind has gotten away from me.
A few days after my ENT appointment, I was feeling better like I said, and then all of a sudden one night in bed I got really bad itching. This reminded me of reading before that itching is a sign of lymphoma. This completely re-sparked my anxiety and I had a meltdown and became convinced I had lymphoma. I remember my doctor ruling out lymphoma because I didn't have any other symptoms, so I started thinking, well now I am having symptoms! Then a few days later I started having shoulder pain and a few days after that knee pain, which is feeling like all these things coming together. I googled (even though I promised not to!) and also found cases where knee or shoulder pain was a sign of lymphoma. I am sinking into a cycle where I am also thinking of symptoms I've had over the past year and stringing them together as a sign of lymphoma.

Sorry for the long vent but I am just so sad and scared, but also disappointed like heck in myself because I am letting this happen to my mind. But also scared it really is something awful. I feel like I am either dying or losing my mind and neither is good!

I guess my question is, does anyone else feel this way or have similar fears? And do you ever feel like you "create" symptoms? I can't help but wonder if I am now having all these aches, pains, and itches because of my anxiety creating them. :blush:

[Skye Winter]

Hi Freddiemercury (Nice username!)

I know exactly what you mean. I personally suffer from heart anxiety, and I have a tendency to link literally every little ache, twinge, pain or cramp with a heart attack.. Even to the point where I start IMAGINING symptoms! It's crazy!

I can completely relate. According to my anxiety I've had cancer, lymphoma, pulmonary embolism, deep vein thrombosis, heart attacks, hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidism and more. I might as well be a walking imaginary disease haha! None of these turned out to be the case, despite my convincing symptoms.

I had a wonderful friend tell me not long ago that the reason we imagine symptoms and stuff is purely because of this cycle:

1. Your anxiety is triggered by a symptom.
2. Your brain goes into 'Fight or Flight' response.
3. You're agitated, looking for danger (Natural reaction)
4. Because you can't physically SEE danger, you start to search inside of yourself for danger.
5. Your brain then begins to believe that because you can't SEE any danger, everything you FEEL must be danger instead.
6. You start to become hypersensitive to every little thing your body does, and in turn panic more and more as more "symptoms" occur (Even though they're not really there).


Maybe knowing this will help you :)
I hope you're okay. I'm here if you ever need help or reassurance.

Feel better soon, try and kick that anxiety in the face! It's a bully!

-Skye xx

[Fishmanpa]

Hi FreddieM,

I posted many similar replies to those who are fearing cancer. Especially those that are fearing lymphoma or head and neck cancer.

I'm a survivor of H&N cancer. I too thought that I had lymphoma by my symptoms. However, I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma. The symptoms are similar Cancers of this type typically don't present themselves in this manner. In the vast majority of cases, by the time it shows itself, it's far along and any doctor worth his degree would know something was up.

You state none of the "uh oh" type symptoms typical of lymphoma or head and neck cancer. If you did, your doctor would have ordered more testing.

Good luck, positive thoughts and prayers

[kerri]

Hi, I could have wrote your post. I am awaiting appointment with ENT as I have lump in throat feeling and also knee pain and have shoulder pain for which I am waiting for an ultrasound. I have came up with tonsil cancer and a Pancoast tumour. The joys of google:blush:

[aggiecuttler]

Hi the amount of people with health anxiety is huge, and cancer seems to be the top worry, which is totally understandable. I would say this you will always find something to worry about, but very rarely will it be the thing that you will get!!
I always worried about the normal women related issues and this was always my biggest fear-stick with me i am making a point- and this year i was diagnosed with a Brain tumour, which i have never once worried about. My point if i have lost you on the way is worrying will not help at all, no one can predict there destiny only one person has a hold of this Our Lord, so you should really be paranoid about walking across the road, getting in the car, freak accident falling down the stairs with character slippers on etc, DO NOT WASTE YOU LIFE WORRYING ABOUT RANDOM ISSUES it will in no way help you, if you have not spoken to a dr about your health anxiety then this should be your next move, otherwise you will live in total misery, once you have sorted yourself you can enjoy your life and cross bridges when you get to them, blessings to you on this very difficult path and hope you can conquer this xx

[Freddiemercury]

Thank you all so much. I am feeling much better today reading your words. Skye, yes Freddie is a hero of mine and we share the same birthday, but my name may also be misleading as I am a woman lol :winks:

Skye your friend explained it exactly right and I am noticing that response in myself this past few weeks. A chest pain I would have normally blown off as gas or indigestion is now a sign of a tumor. A random itch that I would have never even noticed before is now a sign of lymphoma. It is absolutely amazing what your mind does to you when you are on "high alert." And yes, Kerri, google is just the worst! It can make your anxiety spike like nothing else! Good luck with your appointment, let us know what happens.

It is so relieving at times feeling like there is support on this board and just reading other people who are like you in their thoughts. I can't say I blame my friends when they look at me puzzled and say something like, "your shoulder hurts and you think you have CANCER?!" It is very hard for others to understand.

Fishmanpa, I do wish you continued success in your recovery! My aunt is a throat cancer survivor as well and I saw how awful the disease can be. Kudos to you for having a positive attitude about it. And Aggie, I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I hope for a full recovery for you! You are right in what you say, one of my fears isn't just dying, but looking back on my life and realizing how much time I wasted worrying. And you're right - it's for nothing! Worrying about cancer isn't going to change whether or not I get cancer. Your mind convinces you that if you aren't hyper alert all the time, you will miss something and almost miss an opportunity for treatment, and things like that. I am back in therapy (have my second session this week) with my old therapist. There have been lots of changes in my life recently, both good and bad, that I am sure are contributing to the increase anxiety.

Thanks again for your replies, I am certainly always here as well if someone needs to talk xxx