Im Terrified of gaining weight

[Kourtney]

Im a 16 year old girl, from Australia.
I weigh 45KG. I have major clinical depression, sever depression and sever anxiety.

I weigh myself everyday, after everything i eat..
Im so scared to go over 50KG, even if i gain 1KG i wont eat until it goes back down to 45KG. I really don't know whats going on with my thoughts.
I dont really know what i'm writing, but i just don't know what to do. I just want to weigh 30KG. But i don't know how to do it, and i don't want people that i know, to know that i'm struggling..
I don't have the motivation to go to the gym, or to buy healthy food, i don't even have the motivation to eat..
Straight after i eat, i feel it go to my legs, stomach, neck, arms, and face. I always feel disgusting
The other night i was so fed up with my body, that i thought if i cut my stomach open all the fat would fall out, and if be happy.
I did that... But obviously it did nothing but leave marks. No one knows i did that, and i want to keep it that way.
I just don't know what to do.

[PeterC]

Hello Kourtney
Throw them scales away!! they will be your biggest demise.
Just be you! don't be modelled by society!
You are young and have a whole life ahead of you and when you get older you will realise that this is just silly thoughts and there are bigger problems in life and people far worse off you and I.
Always look at your positive points in life and concentrate on them Please
Take care and hope you keep well
xxx
Pete

[Fishmanpa]

I'm going to reply with the fear that this will fall on deaf ears. To be so young with the issues you have must be frightening. Immediate intervention and help is what's needed most in this situation IMO. Cutting yourself in the manner you suggested and for the reasons you stated is serious.

As suggested, the scale is not your friend. Obviously, if you eat 8oz of food, you'll weigh 8oz more until your body digests and eliminates what it doesn't use or need.

I worked at a gym as a PT for a time. It's not about "weight" it's about body fat vs. lean muscle. Two people can weigh the same and be totally different in clothes size and appearance due to body composition. The only way to do this is by exercise and proper diet. This is a physiological fact.

Good luck, positive thoughts and prayers

[anthrokid]

Kourtney,

What is it about that weight that is worrying you? I understand the fear in weight gain, but is there a particular reason you are so fearful of it?

I will be completely honest with you and say that 30kg is ridiculously unhealthy and very dangerous. Your body requires a certain amount of energy and fat to function. Weighing only 30kg would be insuffient weight to support your body, and will make you very sick.

I am a healthy 23 year old at 58kg.