expecto patronum
24-10-06, 13:21
Well its a very long story, but here goes... I was with my previous boyfriend for 4 years until the end of last year (December). Something happened in October that shed a new light on what I had found out a year and a half previous to that and changed my whole perspective on what was already a very serious situation. On 5th April 2004 (my then boyfriends birthday in fact) something happened that totally turned my world upside down; I witnessed a hideous argument between my boyfriend and his mother that ended in us being thrown out of the house, during which I found out that my boyfriend had been abused as a child by his mother. Afterwards I talked about it loads with my boyfriend because my mind was reeling, but from the very beginning I quickly learnt that there were some questions he would'nt answer or even think about. These were mostly questions like 'how could she do that to her own child'; the only explanation I was ever offered for this was that her father had done it to her, which - ok- is a pretty big reason, but still cannot possibly justify it.
Anyway, I learnt from having to listen to my boyfriends accounts specifics of what happened,(he didn't want to tell me such details and I didn't want to know, but the argument and me finding out had brought up a lot of buried memories for him, and he had to share them with someone)- which i will not repeat here, suffice to say that she is a sick, sadistic and deeply disturbed individual who seemed to take pleasure in weilding her power as a mother and an adult over two terrified children, using emotional and mental abuse as well as sexual. I learned that my boyfrind's sister had also benn abused but that she, at 28 and married, does not know about it - it sounds unbelievable but until the mother had a breakdown and the whole thing came out when my bf was about 14, they really were unaware of what was happening; it seems their brains completely blocked out the traumatic experiences; my bf only remembered thru having hypnotherapy.
It sounds mad, but even though I hated her like you can't even imagine, I did swallow the story that my bf told me that she was 'cured' (ie no longer a danger) to a certain extent (tho i vowed never to leave her alone with my children - when i had them-, ever) I thought she MIGHT still be dangerous, but was probably ok, as I did give her the credit for at least feeling hugely guilty about it all, and also I trusted my bf's judgement; however I eventually found out that I was wrong on both thses counts
At this point I should probably mention that my bf's parents have two nephews, aged about 5 and 7, who they see maybe half a dozen times a year. For a long time I really didn't think that they were in serious danger (I know that probably sounds mad) because they only saw her along with their parents, so I thought even if she wanted to hurt them she could'nt. I only realised last October that people like her are so devious, they can find ways around these obstacles, and they know exactly how to silence their victims. The two things that I found out that made me see the light are as follows; First, I found out that she didn't stop abusing my bf thru her own free will; before it all came out, he was powerless to stop her, but once he was fully aware this served to empower him and when she tried again (AFTER she was supposedly 'cured') he punched her. That was what it took to make her stop; physically overpowering her. So that begs the question, if he could only do this because he had accepted what was happening, how could his siter (still in denial) stop herself being abused? She couldn't; so is she then, at the age of 28, still being abused? I think she must be. The second bombshell was when I randomly decided to check her computer. I looked at the internet 'history', I could'nt believe it, dozens of sites with names including words like 'rape' 'forced' 'violent' 'teenage' and there were some that I was sure were child ones, tho I couldn't bare to actually look at the sites, I just saw the names.
That was what really made me realise that those c
Anyway, I learnt from having to listen to my boyfriends accounts specifics of what happened,(he didn't want to tell me such details and I didn't want to know, but the argument and me finding out had brought up a lot of buried memories for him, and he had to share them with someone)- which i will not repeat here, suffice to say that she is a sick, sadistic and deeply disturbed individual who seemed to take pleasure in weilding her power as a mother and an adult over two terrified children, using emotional and mental abuse as well as sexual. I learned that my boyfrind's sister had also benn abused but that she, at 28 and married, does not know about it - it sounds unbelievable but until the mother had a breakdown and the whole thing came out when my bf was about 14, they really were unaware of what was happening; it seems their brains completely blocked out the traumatic experiences; my bf only remembered thru having hypnotherapy.
It sounds mad, but even though I hated her like you can't even imagine, I did swallow the story that my bf told me that she was 'cured' (ie no longer a danger) to a certain extent (tho i vowed never to leave her alone with my children - when i had them-, ever) I thought she MIGHT still be dangerous, but was probably ok, as I did give her the credit for at least feeling hugely guilty about it all, and also I trusted my bf's judgement; however I eventually found out that I was wrong on both thses counts
At this point I should probably mention that my bf's parents have two nephews, aged about 5 and 7, who they see maybe half a dozen times a year. For a long time I really didn't think that they were in serious danger (I know that probably sounds mad) because they only saw her along with their parents, so I thought even if she wanted to hurt them she could'nt. I only realised last October that people like her are so devious, they can find ways around these obstacles, and they know exactly how to silence their victims. The two things that I found out that made me see the light are as follows; First, I found out that she didn't stop abusing my bf thru her own free will; before it all came out, he was powerless to stop her, but once he was fully aware this served to empower him and when she tried again (AFTER she was supposedly 'cured') he punched her. That was what it took to make her stop; physically overpowering her. So that begs the question, if he could only do this because he had accepted what was happening, how could his siter (still in denial) stop herself being abused? She couldn't; so is she then, at the age of 28, still being abused? I think she must be. The second bombshell was when I randomly decided to check her computer. I looked at the internet 'history', I could'nt believe it, dozens of sites with names including words like 'rape' 'forced' 'violent' 'teenage' and there were some that I was sure were child ones, tho I couldn't bare to actually look at the sites, I just saw the names.
That was what really made me realise that those c