Worried about poss. child abuse. What should i do?

[expecto patronum]

Well its a very long story, but here goes... I was with my previous boyfriend for 4 years until the end of last year (December). Something happened in October that shed a new light on what I had found out a year and a half previous to that and changed my whole perspective on what was already a very serious situation. On 5th April 2004 (my then boyfriends birthday in fact) something happened that totally turned my world upside down; I witnessed a hideous argument between my boyfriend and his mother that ended in us being thrown out of the house, during which I found out that my boyfriend had been abused as a child by his mother. Afterwards I talked about it loads with my boyfriend because my mind was reeling, but from the very beginning I quickly learnt that there were some questions he would'nt answer or even think about. These were mostly questions like 'how could she do that to her own child'; the only explanation I was ever offered for this was that her father had done it to her, which - ok- is a pretty big reason, but still cannot possibly justify it.
Anyway, I learnt from having to listen to my boyfriends accounts specifics of what happened,(he didn't want to tell me such details and I didn't want to know, but the argument and me finding out had brought up a lot of buried memories for him, and he had to share them with someone)- which i will not repeat here, suffice to say that she is a sick, sadistic and deeply disturbed individual who seemed to take pleasure in weilding her power as a mother and an adult over two terrified children, using emotional and mental abuse as well as sexual. I learned that my boyfrind's sister had also benn abused but that she, at 28 and married, does not know about it - it sounds unbelievable but until the mother had a breakdown and the whole thing came out when my bf was about 14, they really were unaware of what was happening; it seems their brains completely blocked out the traumatic experiences; my bf only remembered thru having hypnotherapy.
It sounds mad, but even though I hated her like you can't even imagine, I did swallow the story that my bf told me that she was 'cured' (ie no longer a danger) to a certain extent (tho i vowed never to leave her alone with my children - when i had them-, ever) I thought she MIGHT still be dangerous, but was probably ok, as I did give her the credit for at least feeling hugely guilty about it all, and also I trusted my bf's judgement; however I eventually found out that I was wrong on both thses counts
At this point I should probably mention that my bf's parents have two nephews, aged about 5 and 7, who they see maybe half a dozen times a year. For a long time I really didn't think that they were in serious danger (I know that probably sounds mad) because they only saw her along with their parents, so I thought even if she wanted to hurt them she could'nt. I only realised last October that people like her are so devious, they can find ways around these obstacles, and they know exactly how to silence their victims. The two things that I found out that made me see the light are as follows; First, I found out that she didn't stop abusing my bf thru her own free will; before it all came out, he was powerless to stop her, but once he was fully aware this served to empower him and when she tried again (AFTER she was supposedly 'cured') he punched her. That was what it took to make her stop; physically overpowering her. So that begs the question, if he could only do this because he had accepted what was happening, how could his siter (still in denial) stop herself being abused? She couldn't; so is she then, at the age of 28, still being abused? I think she must be. The second bombshell was when I randomly decided to check her computer. I looked at the internet 'history', I could'nt believe it, dozens of sites with names including words like 'rape' 'forced' 'violent' 'teenage' and there were some that I was sure were child ones, tho I couldn't bare to actually look at the sites, I just saw the names.
That was what really made me realise that those c

[expecto patronum]

Thanks for your reply Lucy. I'm sorry that you didn't really see justice done for you. That's kind of my point though, that the justice system is so ****ed up and weighted in favour of the criminal, that there is very little they can do. For instance I don't think the police will be albe to take her computer unless my bf actually gives first hand evidence about the abuse, which he never will do. And the sister will never be capable of protecting her future children, and the nephews will never be able to protect themselves, so the only thing that makes sense is to tell the people who CAN and WILL protect those at risk; not the police, but the sisters husband, and the nephews parents.

[Insomniac]

hi Rossie

Sorry to hear you're in such a tough situation. It must be horrible to feel there are children at risk and you cannot help them. I know what you mean about grooming, I was abused and feel guilty about it, no matter how much I know I shouldn't and I have never confronted the person concerned. Which I also feel guilty about...

But I agree with Lucy, there is only so much you can do if your bf won't speak to police. Speaking to the family probably won't help (they might close ranks or turn on you!), but NSPCC will be able to give you good advice. Give them a call.

Lisa.

[creatrix]

Unfortunately, the police probably have to view such reports with a bit of suspicion, but they might just be doing their research. They can't just storm into someone's house based on a tip. One time, a friend of mine was really angry that her father was letting her brothers deal drugs out of the house. She said she wanted to, but she was afraid to report them. she had to live there and was afraid of what kind of trouble she'd get into. so i waited a few weeks and called in an anonymous tip explaining that the sister was worried that she would get in trouble. nothing happened right away, but they eventually did raid the boys' rooms amd busted them.

[piglits pal]

Social services are your first point of call if you think a child may be in danger. Just give your local office a call and have a chat with them and they can advise on what action, if any, needs to be taken.

[saintdee]

hiya, not a nice tale, but a very common one in my line of work im afraid. i am a care home manager for abused children and have been involved in many a case horrid case. you need to contact the local child protection team, you phone social services an dask to be put through to the childrens duty officer, if you can not get them then phone the emergency child protection team in your area an dinform them. its your duty to inform the appropriate people but at the same time its your right to do what you want to. not a nice situation to be in, but much better than the poor suffering children who might be going through this ordeal.

[tam]

hi rossie i kind of agree with saintdee with this to contact social services,they have to look at what you say and investigate by law.i kind of agree with telling sister and parents of the other children so that they can be on guard and protect them.the only thing is what backfires and the hassle you could get.tc tracy

[expecto patronum]

Thanks for your advice everyone. Maybe i should go to the social services and see what happens with that. I know it would be a very dangerous thing to do (exposing her to members of the family that think she is normally would cause her whole world to fall apart, and i've seen her get angry - its the scariest thing i've ever seen in my life) But I just keep thinking, how would I feel if they were my kids? :(