Desperate for help (maybe from Skippy?) I'm nuts.

[katesa]

Hi everyone,

First of all, thank you to everyone who responded to my last thread about an abnormal smear test result - I had the colnoscopy done and just have to repeat the test in a years time as the abnormality was very small. Sorry for not coming back and thanking you all sooner, I've had problems with my keyboard.

Now please, somebody tell me to get a grip and help me stop doing this to myself. Skippy, I put your name in the title because I've read some of your posts and think I could really do with a bit of your brand of truthful advice.

I'm a 29 year old woman with a gorgeous 6 month old baby boy and a wonderful husband but I've stopped enjoying life the way I should. I was doing so well with my HA - stopped smoking (I was smoking for 10 years, stopped when pregnant then started again like an idiot when my baby was 2 months old) and was exercising and losing some of the huge 6 stone weight gain I put on in pregnancy.

Then I had the abnormal smear test result and through panic started smoking again. When the Colnoscopy was clear I was relieved but then started getting lower back pain. I went to the doctors and they asked whether I had pelvic pain, I said I did sometimes. They wanted to send me for an ultrasound and while waiting, I convinced myself I had ovarian cancer.

During the ultrasound the technician said my ovaries and uterus looked fine and then said he was going to take a little look at my bowel but then didn't comment on it. At the time I was too relieved that my ovaries looked ok to worry about that but when I got home, I looked on google and saw that abdominal pain can also be a sign of bowel cancer and I have also had other symptoms.So, because the technician hadn't catergorically said to me that my bowel looked fine like he did everything else, I immediately assumed I had bowel cancer.

And then the scan came back perfectly clear. I also had blood tests - full blood count, liver and kidney function etc and all were clear. Yay.

Except I am now fixated on cancer and have started noticing the cough that I have had for years (I had a chest x ray at 19 when it started and it was clear so I just assumed it was a smokers cough - it did ease when I stopped smoking). I've had a mild cough for as long as I can remember. I sometimes cough up clear fluid that seems to come from my throat. I am also noticing that I am sometimes a bit breathless carrying my baby or going upstairs too quickly and I still have the lower back pain with shoulder pain now and then.

I have an overactive thyroid and graves disease which is currently out of control and this can cause digestive issues, muscle pain and breathlessness (basically every symptom except the cough) and also can cause heightened anxiety and even psychosis. My breathlessness could also be down to my increased weight and to be honest I only notice it when I think about it so logically, it cant be that bad. A doctor has listened to my chest and heard nothing untoward. And all my blood tests have been perfect.

But despite all this, I now keep convincing myself that I have lung cancer and depressing myself. My poor husband is getting frustrated as I've gone from one cancer to another over the last month or so and nothing has been found.

Guys, I don't want to go to the GP with lung cancer concerns and start the whole process of tests, waiting in fear, relief then finding something else to worry about again. I am spoiling our lives with this. Please somebody tell me to knock it off and advise me. I just want to stop it - I'm living in fear.

[skippy66]

Firstly I have to say that no-one on here is a doctor so you're not going to get any professional medical advice and you probably know that.

You are in the vicious circle of health anxiety, the fact that you are going from one cancer to the next confirms that. This is something I used to do regularly. I would also interpret the most vague of symptoms as cancer, or something serious. e.g. my little toe went numb once for a few weeks, which I was convinced was either a sign of brain cancer, or a tumour somewhere in my foot blocking the blood supply to my little toe. When I type this it actually makes me cringe how bad I was. But that's what HA does to you.

You have to realise that the chances of you having lung cancer are very very low, and that's before you have been checked by a doctor - they are even lower after that. I don't want to give you any more reassurance as I know that looking for reassurance is what keeps you locked in the HA cycle - plus I'm not a doctor.

Here's what I did about my cancer fears. I thought to myself 'OK then, what if I DO have cancer and there's nothing any doctor can do about it?' I played out that scenario in my head, that i was dying of cancer and would be dead in a few weeks. It terrified me, as it would anyone, but then I thought 'How would I want to live my last few weeks?' Would I want to be in a hospital ward? No. Would I want to be worrying myself silly over the fact i didn't have long left? No.

Would I want to enjoy whatever time I had left to the absolute full? YES.

Now I realise this sounds impossible to you right now because you're in the vicious cycle and you can't get away from the symptoms, but I would urge you to do the following things to rectify this:

Get a distraction in your life, something that truly takes your focus off your symptoms and onto something else. A hobby, work, game, book - anything you can think of to distract you.

Listen to some uplifting songs. Google 'most uplifting songs ever' for ideas.

Face your fears. Tell your symptoms: 'go on then, do your worst - I'm going to get on with my life regardless of you'.

Google Nick Vujicic and watch his video.


Finally, and this is the real kicker - start being more afraid of a life wasted due to health anxiety than the symptoms themselves. When I look back I know I wasted 8 years of my life because of this - it was time I will never get back. Ever. Start living life to the full with whatever hand you've been dealt. I think too many of us have a focus on QUANTITY of life when our real focus should be on QUALITY of life.

Hope this helps.

[katesa]

Thank you Skippy. I really appreciate you giving me such a well thought out reply -as I said, I've seen some of your posts and I've always been nodding my head to everything you have said.

I hadn't had an episode of HA for years until recently and I think a little of it is my thyroid issue (nervousness, agitation and anxiety are common symptoms) and I am working with a doctor to adjust my medication and get it back under control. However, that can take a long time so I needed a little advice to help me in the meantime.

I think the saddest part of this whole thing is that many of us on here will one day face a serious illness (certainly we will all face death) and I imagine us all looking back at these times thinking "what a fool I was to waste my years of health worrying".

You are so correct that reassurance doesn't work long term. We wouldn't all be constantly going to the doctors if it did. I gave so much background to show how absurd I have been - and to be to read it back for myself because I reallllllly did cringe when I did.

Thank you for your advice, I am going to try and take it. Starting with taking my baby for a good long walk in his pram once he wakes x