View Full Version : I so dont need all this right now, please help
where do I start? I feel such a mess and my pan.atts. are at an all time high, I have an elderly relative in London (an uncle, my mums side) who has been having problems with the woman underneath him (in a block of flats) playing loud music till early morning sometimes even all night for the last 6years, Ive been fighting with his council and the noise nuisance people since the start as all his council seem to do is tell him to keep diaries of it all or to offer to move him which A, wouldnt solve the problem and B, would probably kill him as he's 75 with a heart condition, on top of dealing with this I have also been trying to get my mum to forgive me for whatever I did wrong as a child and to agree to build some sort of bridge between us and try to talk things out, my uncle has also tried as he feels that 20years is a more than long enough punishment time for whatever she feels Ive done wrong, she's never said what Ive done wrong other than I was too much to handle when I was younger, I have explained to her that I was having problems with things as my father had been abusing me from a young age and I wasnt able to tell anyone, but no matter what I do or say she will not agree to any form of communication even email, I have people say to just ignore her and get on with my life but I cant seem to do this she has recently had a breast removed due to cancer and Im now even more scared that she will die before we ever get on talking terms again, and as if all this wasn't more than enough to deal with I have a 16 yr old daughter who has recently had a baby and due to her drinking and smoking pot during the pregnancy the social services took him away, (she has been in care for the last 5+ years as I had sought help for her as she told me she could hear voices in her head, the social services said I was attention seeking?) Id love to offer to be his gaurdian at least then I would have something good in my life to focus on etc but I cant put myself forward until my daughters case has fallen through, as I dont want the animosity (sorry if spelling wrong) that would ensue if I went against her in court and won then she came over for contact. then last night she dropped a bombshell and told me that she still heard the voices she used to hear when she was younger and that she often had thoughts of jumping out of windows, or sticking needles into someones eyes if she was having an arguement, she said that she has it under control and if I try to tell anyone about it she would deny saying it!, I am now feeling really confused and unsure as to what to do, she is fighting to have custody of her son even though she is having these thoughts ?!!! sorry to ramble on but I really needed to get this off my chest a bit any thoughts or ideas welcome
expecto patronum
24-10-06, 16:45
Hi, sorry u sound like you're having a really bad time at the moment. Did your mum stop communication right after u told her about the abuse? if so could it be that she either can't accept that your father did this (and so prefers to continue blaming you) or she feels guilty? The idea that you should be punished for being a 'difficult' this long would be ridiculous even without the fact of the abuse, but if she can't forgive you now that she knows the real reason, thats just unforgivable on her part.
I don't know what to say about your daughter; mentally ill people should still get achance to have kids, but if there is a real risk of her hurting someone... On the other hand, has she ever actually been violent? I mean, I sometimes have upsetting images of hurting someone or myself, but I know that I don't really want to and I never would.
yorkylover
24-10-06, 16:50
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it at the moment.get it all of your chest pet,better not to bottle it all up inside.You daughter needs to see a gp and be assessed I think.I hope someone on here can give you some better advise.stay strong.
take care
Ellen XX
thanks for your replies I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with my post, my mother has never really been the maternal type and I cant remember her ever telling me that she loved me which is why when my children were born I told them I loved them everyday, my older daughter was taken away from me when she was only 6months because I had what I now know was post natal depression, although this wasn't known about very much then (26yrs ago) so I was just thought of as a young single mother who wasnt coping so they decided it was best to take her away, I then had another daughter 5 years later but she died of a cot death when she was 6 months old, so my teenager was extra special to me and still is. she hasnt made things easy for anyone to think that she would be able to look after her son, when she was pregnant she was drinking and smoking quite heavily and was also smoking pot up to the few weeks of the pregnancy, although the social services suspect the drug side they dont know for sure as I didnt tell them, just before she was pregnant she was also taking things like cocaine and ecstacy and similar, then to cap it all when she went into labour she demanded a c. section when the midwife explained that they only did that if baby was in distress or either of their lives were at risk she became quite abusive, we tried to explain that we could see the baby's head and that if she gave 2 strong pushes he would be out but she said she didnt want to push and used the gas and air to get through the contractions then wrapped her legs tight and said that if she kept her legs closed and refused to push that he would get distressed and they would have to do the c. section, in the end the consultant was called and they took her to theatre, knocked her out and delivered him by forceps which meant he had a pointy head, a bad headache and I missed seeing him born, not a good start, then she left her bedside area looking a mess with dirty pants and clothes, plus used breast pads and sweet wrappers, she was also abusive to staff when they tried to help and was heard shouting at her baby to shut the **** up which was reported to soc.serv. and they got an emergency police order and took him away, when I got to the hospital to collect her she was smelt quite powerful to put it mildly, when we got to mine and she had calmed down I asked her when she had last bathed or showered and changed her towel and she said she hadnt been able to find time to bath or shower for 2or 3 days and hadnt changed her towel for a day and a half despite having had stitches and being told to keep very clean!!! she has been back at her flat now for about 2 weeks and has already had 3 males in the flat who were virtual strangers? I went to see her a couple of days ago and the pupils of her eyes were like large marbles? I am at a loss as to what to do especially about her latest confession, she said that she often sits thinking about different ways she would hurt certain people, she has said that when I have tried to get her to do things in the recent past like when I was trying to get her to tidy round the area of her bed in hospital, she was thinking of how she wanted to smash my head against the wall, I am really worried that if she were to get him back and he was to cry for any length of time she would lose control, she has hurt the animals in the past when she was younger and this has got me really worried, but she has said that if I tell anyone she will deny ever saying any of it
Sounds like you have a really troubled daughter on your hands here. Could you not have a talk with her and try and get her to see her GP because it sounds to me that she could have some mental health problems. All this anger is typical for someone her age. I am a carer for my god-daughter and she is exactly the same (without the baby though). She was sectioned a few weeks ago because voices in her head told her to drown herself. Every time something bad happens or things aren't going her way, she says she can hear the voices again. I thought it was just attention seeking at the time (I'm her carer because her mum abandoned her). She is seeing a psychiatrist at the moment which Social Services arranged but has stopped going to school because she says she thinks awful things and ends up crying. Everyone has been sympathetic with her, but you get to a point where enough is enough and you don't know how to cope any more. This is obviously causing you great distress and I really feel for you, but please try and get your daughter to seek medical or professional advice about her behaviour.
Let us know how you get on and take care of yourself.
Les
thanks ma larkin I am really at a loss as to what to do for the best I cant convince her to go to the dr and if by chance I tell the social services then she has said that she will deny ever saying it and that I must be making it up so I can get a better chance of getting custody of her son.
Ive tried to explain that its not the end of the world and that with the right medication she could carry on a normal life, but she wouldn't listen.
Then this afternoon she text me to say that she had been to see a different dr at her health centre and that he had said it was nothing to worry about and that it was quite normal??!!! she must think Im nuts (pardon the pun) if she thinks Im gonna believe that.
feeling really down and edgy its almost like a no win situation, if I tell someone like the soc.serv. about what my daughter has said she will deny ever saying it and I look like the baddy, if I try and get her to see sense and talk to her gp she says theres no need as she has got control of her actions and wont act on the voices or the thoughts in her head, and if I sit and do nothing then she could get worse or end up acting out one or more of her irrational and sometimes dangerous thoughts!!!
added to this Ive been trying and trying to get some sort of organisation in this house but whatever I do and however much I chuck out it still looks like a burglary gone wrong in my bedrooms, and all this has resorted in me doing some comfort eating which has stuffed the little bit of weight I had lost. :(
am having a really bad night tonight Ive posted on the panic attacks board about it I wish there was a 24 hr live chat available somewhere, I also wish I didnt live alone, am having a really rough time :(
just to say thanks for all those who have replied to this and who have sent me personal messages I have recently found a facinating web site that shows a watering hole in africa, Ive seen some brilliant animals and find it quite distracting from the stress and worry especially at this hour of the morning when most people are asleep.
hello love
ive just read your story im so sorry for all the truama youve experianced all i can say is this website is helping me through my problems i can honestly say that without it i think iwould have been sectioned we have a common bond all of us who use this website and you will have lots of friends out who have total empathy for you take care now you will have light at the end of the tunnel i can assure you
hi all just to update anyone who read this and wondered where Id got to Ive been having all kinds of problems, including connection problems which hasnt helped it appears that bt say theres nothing wrong with the line after sending out a broadband engineer, and aol say its not their fault meanwhile I cant stay online via the aol sign in page longer than 10-15 mins and although if I only sign on to internet explorer it stays on longer it also crashes eventually?? as for my daughter well she has now spoken to social services and manged to stop all arrangements that were being made for me to have contact with my grandson, I didnt know she would be able to do this but it seems that she can and has, all because I wouldnt jump to her request around bonfire night when she wanted me to get a taxi to her flat and take her somewhere and put some electric on her meter, so I am now faced with having to go to court to fight against her to be able to have contact which I didnt expect or want to do. added to that my back has been playing up real bad and Ive got to somehow clear out a load of stuff so as to get this house looking decent for when the social come over and do an assessment on me so I can be considered for being guardian to my grandson, which will be even harder if I win as I know she will go nuts, sometimes I wonder how I havent had a breakdown or topped myself with what Ive gone through but I guess its cos its all Ive ever really known, I get nervous when things go too well for too long Im just waiting for something to wrong even though I dont want it to.
Read your post and will reply tomorrow hun xxxxx
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi Spock
Cant say ive ever experienced any of the things you appear to be going through (especially not all at once) but just wanted to say that there appear to be a lot of people around here that have gone through some pretty hard times so i think you are in good company.
For what its worth i also think your daughter has some sort of (possibly mental health) issues but applaud you standing your ground with her on bonfire night. She may have 'punished' you for it but that doesnt mean you shouldnt have done it. She sounds like someone who will take advantage of you if she can which you should guard against, even if she only does it because of her condition.
I dont envy you having to deal with the council and similar institutions so much of the time. The nature of these peoples jobs often does not lend them the luxury of giving people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes the system is just bloody useless. If someone is playing loud music into the night for 6 years they should have been kicked out a loooooong time ago (i used to have this problem, as did a work colleague and i once spoke to a policeman who told me he had to move out of his house for exactly the same reason because even though he was a policeman he was powerless to do anything about it). I think if they have offered to re house him it may be worth thinking seriously about it because if its been allowed to go on for that long who knows how much longer itll continue.
Lastly, and this may not help, but all you can do is your best. You do have a lot on your plate (more than most) but the thing that has stood out to me in your posts more than anything else is the fact that you do actually try to do something about these things. You may not always be able to fix them or get what you want/need but you don’t seem to give up. There are many who would. You also manage to stay remarkably free from anger and bitterness despite it all.
I know you probably feel all alone but if there is anyone who can get through it all i think it is someone like you.
M
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