My family are really racist/homophobic, help :(

[GirlAfraid23]

I can't bear it any longer.

My family are so backward in their views, they insult gay people all the time, despite the fact I have 3 close friends who are.

They put down anyone who isn't white and act as though they are better than them.

Mainly it's my mum and sometimes my dad. I can forgive my nan because she comes from a different generation (she is 88 years old).
The thing that's worrying me is that my brother is now coming out with the same/similar derogatory things and putting gay people/anyone who isn't white down.

It's really becoming a nightmare for me as I don't agree at all with these views and it makes me want to cry. Especially with my friends being gay also.

[Speranza]

When you are younger, you feel as though your family's opinions reflect on you. But they don't. My ex-husband didn't come out to his family until his fifties because they were all homophobes! But they were fine when he told them, and have changed a lot since then.

Just be who YOU are, and remember, it helps if we are accepting of people who are intolerant, just as we want them to accept people who are different. If they know that you are always gently going to challenge them, they may eventually change - or at least not say so many things.

Example: Where I live there are hardly any black people and many of my friends unthinkingly tell racist jokes. I used to feel bad but now I just say, "Erm, sorry - can't laugh at that one, you know why!" In fact they began by saying, "Why? It's not racist is it?" and some have now progressed to realising that certain things are better NOT said, and have stopped saying them.

It's all about education.

[Anxious_gal]

You can educate people but you can't change them. Just got to accept the bad sides of people, or cut all contact I'm afraid.

[sophiethestar]

My Dad and his girlfriend are exactly the same. They are so racist it's unbelievable. Like if there's a parked car and the driver isn't white they said stuff like "He must be dealing drugs". They complain when they see immigrants working here and say "They're taking all our jobs." Yet if they hear of immigrants not working they call them lazy and say they're scroungers. It makes me so angry how, in this day and age, people still think like this and judge people. I just try to be grateful and be happy that I don't have that point of view and that I'm more open-minded.

[gypcyg]

Their views and opinions are their own - to cut all ties sounds incredibly harsh and dramatic. You just have to accept them for who they are just like they accept you for who you are. I'd rather have a name-caller in my family than a liar, thief, rapist or murderer.

[AuntieMoosie]

When you are younger, you feel as though your family's opinions reflect on you. But they don't. My ex-husband didn't come out to his family until his fifties because they were all homophobes! But they were fine when he told them, and have changed a lot since then.

Just be who YOU are, and remember, it helps if we are accepting of people who are intolerant, just as we want them to accept people who are different. If they know that you are always gently going to challenge them, they may eventually change - or at least not say so many things.

Example: Where I live there are hardly any black people and many of my friends unthinkingly tell racist jokes. I used to feel bad but now I just say, "Erm, sorry - can't laugh at that one, you know why!" In fact they began by saying, "Why? It's not racist is it?" and some have now progressed to realising that certain things are better NOT said, and have stopped saying them.

It's all about education.


Totally agree with this post Speranza :)

To my mind, we are all human beings, it doesn't matter 2 jots to me what anyone's sexual preferences are, what colour they are, what shape they are, whether they have disabilities, whether they have a mental illness, or anything else for that matter :)

What matters to me, is the person themselves, I'm talking about the "heart" of the person and the warmth of the person :)

All the other stuff is totally unimportant to me, who says what's right and what's wrong anyway? Does any one of us have a right to stand in judgement? I know I don't.

GirlAfraid it really isn't worth getting stressed about it all though hun :) Your parents have their opinion and you have yours, and that's fine both ways :)

Best, if you can, to just try and stay off of the subject, but if they do bring it up, I'd just say "it's ok, you have your opinions but I also have mine which differ to yours" and then just leave it like that hun :hugs:

[Magic]

Yes Girl Afraid,
I too had to put up with my husbands relation. I am afraid I have cut ties with her.
not only her being racist but other things too.
I should have said something at the time, but I was afraid of what my husband might have said. So I kept quiet.
Good posts from this thread though.