Ferry1995
14-09-13, 22:03
This may not exactly be totally anxiety/panic related but as a former panic sufferer I used to frequent this forum and got a lot of good advice from members.
I suffered from anxiety throughout my childhood for various reasons, predominantly social and GAD, I was in and out of mental health services but never really considered it a life afflicting problem and was generally pretty happy growing up, I was on and off meds for a while but they generally really helped the anxiety so I stayed on a pretty low dose up to about the age of 16.
After Coming out of secondary with A's across the board I went on to sixth form which I initially enjoyed, my concentration dropped an over the months my attendance slipped resulting in and eventual drop out with the intention of starting a different sixth form and taking different A levels. During my time off I started voluntary work and started a relationship which pretty quickly broke down, following this I had my first panic attack, these weren't too bad to begin with but this soon evolved into pretty bad health anxiety which generally restricted my life, after a pretty eventful holiday I went to the doctors to restart meds, quickly came off these due to pretty nasty side effects, the heart palps just made the anxiety worse.
After coming off the meds ( the same week I began college and my parents went on their first holiday without me ) I crashed suddenly, hitting a terrible bout of depression, it was probably spurred on by my parents going away due to a close relationship with them as a child, they had to come back early which sent my dad into a deep depression, same happened with my mam who has terminal cancer. During the next 3 or 4 months I was apsoloutely convinced I was developing schizophrenia, it became an obsession and I was sure one day I'd begin hallucinating ( I'm generally a pretty logical person ) Christmas was the worst time of my life and the only time I felt safe was when I was with my parents, I began to think conversations with my friends were becoming pointless and I found it difficult to have fun any more.
Once the new year came around everything began to improve, got back on the meds, started taking nights away from my parents , made lots more friends, go a girlfriend , began taking excersize seriously, began taking my music seriously and got all my grades up to the point that they were the best on the course. There were a couple of blips but everything was looking up, I've become very productive recently and find it difficult to sit down and watch the tv or do something basic, I'm out every day with friends and feel wasted if I'm not doing something to improve my life, I've even picked up 2 extra a levels.
In the last week I've totally crashed again and feel worse than before, I still feel incredibly productive and the gym and band practise still make me happy and I have no trouble at work/speaking to people, no problem socialising with friends or parents, however my parents are going away soon and my parents are both in a bad way, I want to be able to get through the week without them having to cut their holiday short but I'm scared if I do have schizophrenia it might spur it on
I have a lot of hope but I'm not sure what to do, if its caught early can it be stopped or at least made easier to manage? I'm not sure if what I'm describing sounds like schizophrenia or is perhaps just another spell of severe depression. My parents think I'm still happy as I don't really want to upset them given the current situation. Other symptoms include forgetfulness, difficulty sleeping,cloudy mind etc, not neglecting my personal appearance or tidiness, quite the opposite, I feel more inclined to stay tidy and fresh.
I'm just needing some advice and some reassurance, I appreciate anyone who's taken the time to read this, I've just got nowhere else to turn as I can't let my parents know about this.
I suffered from anxiety throughout my childhood for various reasons, predominantly social and GAD, I was in and out of mental health services but never really considered it a life afflicting problem and was generally pretty happy growing up, I was on and off meds for a while but they generally really helped the anxiety so I stayed on a pretty low dose up to about the age of 16.
After Coming out of secondary with A's across the board I went on to sixth form which I initially enjoyed, my concentration dropped an over the months my attendance slipped resulting in and eventual drop out with the intention of starting a different sixth form and taking different A levels. During my time off I started voluntary work and started a relationship which pretty quickly broke down, following this I had my first panic attack, these weren't too bad to begin with but this soon evolved into pretty bad health anxiety which generally restricted my life, after a pretty eventful holiday I went to the doctors to restart meds, quickly came off these due to pretty nasty side effects, the heart palps just made the anxiety worse.
After coming off the meds ( the same week I began college and my parents went on their first holiday without me ) I crashed suddenly, hitting a terrible bout of depression, it was probably spurred on by my parents going away due to a close relationship with them as a child, they had to come back early which sent my dad into a deep depression, same happened with my mam who has terminal cancer. During the next 3 or 4 months I was apsoloutely convinced I was developing schizophrenia, it became an obsession and I was sure one day I'd begin hallucinating ( I'm generally a pretty logical person ) Christmas was the worst time of my life and the only time I felt safe was when I was with my parents, I began to think conversations with my friends were becoming pointless and I found it difficult to have fun any more.
Once the new year came around everything began to improve, got back on the meds, started taking nights away from my parents , made lots more friends, go a girlfriend , began taking excersize seriously, began taking my music seriously and got all my grades up to the point that they were the best on the course. There were a couple of blips but everything was looking up, I've become very productive recently and find it difficult to sit down and watch the tv or do something basic, I'm out every day with friends and feel wasted if I'm not doing something to improve my life, I've even picked up 2 extra a levels.
In the last week I've totally crashed again and feel worse than before, I still feel incredibly productive and the gym and band practise still make me happy and I have no trouble at work/speaking to people, no problem socialising with friends or parents, however my parents are going away soon and my parents are both in a bad way, I want to be able to get through the week without them having to cut their holiday short but I'm scared if I do have schizophrenia it might spur it on
I have a lot of hope but I'm not sure what to do, if its caught early can it be stopped or at least made easier to manage? I'm not sure if what I'm describing sounds like schizophrenia or is perhaps just another spell of severe depression. My parents think I'm still happy as I don't really want to upset them given the current situation. Other symptoms include forgetfulness, difficulty sleeping,cloudy mind etc, not neglecting my personal appearance or tidiness, quite the opposite, I feel more inclined to stay tidy and fresh.
I'm just needing some advice and some reassurance, I appreciate anyone who's taken the time to read this, I've just got nowhere else to turn as I can't let my parents know about this.