Frobi19
15-09-13, 21:44
Hello everyone,
This seems like a real;y nice forum and everyone seems to be so friendly and everyone can relate to each others problems. It already feels good inside me to read so many people going through the same things as myself.
My name is Andy but most people call me Frobi which is a shortened version of my surname.
I found this site out through a friend of mine who has suffered from anxiety issues a lot longer than me and told me to visit here, so here I am.
A major thing happened in my life in October 2008, my mother dropped dead and was totally sudden. It was a massive shock for myself and my family. I soon found myself alone in her house with no one else around to help me, the rest of my close family lived away.
I suffered from depression but refused to seek any help as I was in dis-belief and was kind of afraid to open up to someone about how I was feeling.
My mothers house was sold and I moved in with my Dad (my mum and dad divorced when I was 5 or 6). I've never really had a close relationship with my dad and I suddenly became obsessed with finding a girl friend and falling in love. I didn't realise at the time I was trying to fill a void inside me left by my mother and I just couldn't have that closeness in which I felt I could connect to my dad like I did with my mum.
3 failed relationships later and I thought I had found the one. I fell in love so quickly and I proposed to her after two months. She said yes and the next two months were amazing. But then it started to hit home for her that maybe we had done the wrong thing, and my family were trying to tell me this also. I was so blinded by the love I couldn't realise what I was doing and what I was letting myself into. My girl friend told me it was a mistake and did not want to get married. I couldn't handle this and had a sudden massive feeling of no one loving me, I felt so alone. This along with the stress of a new job role at work and falling out with my family over the marriage proposal I completely broken down and rang the doctors as I was so scared about what I might do.
I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression, and was referred to my local primary health care trust who did an assessment on me to review my needs. I heard nothing back from them and in the mean time my girl friend and I were going through a lot of problems. I get anxious and then paranoid and then I take it out on the person I love as I long and need the same unconditional love which I feel for them. She's younger than me and couldn't handle the pressure and stress of it all.
She broke up with me a few times, it made me feel so down, depressed and lonely. I started longing for my mum again. I suddenly started to have suicidal thoughts and tried to kill myself (very badly) two times.
My anxiety started to get really bad and it was affecting my job. I couldnt concentrate on my day to day life, all I could think of was her and how I could get her to love me again, or feeling constantly anxious about how she felt about me and if she loved me or not.
This went around in circles for months until recently I realised it was the constant need to be felt loved, to replace that unconditional love a mother gives you that was causing most of my problems.
I've pretty much lost my girl friend now, were not together and not really speaking. I feel so lonely and lost. I can suddenly be feeling fine, quite happy in fact and then suddenly out of no where I can be anxious about anything.
I've developed anxiety over money and finances, my job, my family, my relationship and my self esteem (which I've always had problems with).
I'm sorry for waffling on, but just being able to write this and know that no one I know will see it and the people reading this are going through similar problems has made me feel so much more at ease. Only an hour ago I was having a large anxiety attack and I even tried to cut myself to punish myself for being like this. I feel stupid now for doing it :(
I'm hoping to meet people that have been through similar losses or major life changing events, or just to make friends who understand and can relate to me.
Thanks for reading
Frobi
This seems like a real;y nice forum and everyone seems to be so friendly and everyone can relate to each others problems. It already feels good inside me to read so many people going through the same things as myself.
My name is Andy but most people call me Frobi which is a shortened version of my surname.
I found this site out through a friend of mine who has suffered from anxiety issues a lot longer than me and told me to visit here, so here I am.
A major thing happened in my life in October 2008, my mother dropped dead and was totally sudden. It was a massive shock for myself and my family. I soon found myself alone in her house with no one else around to help me, the rest of my close family lived away.
I suffered from depression but refused to seek any help as I was in dis-belief and was kind of afraid to open up to someone about how I was feeling.
My mothers house was sold and I moved in with my Dad (my mum and dad divorced when I was 5 or 6). I've never really had a close relationship with my dad and I suddenly became obsessed with finding a girl friend and falling in love. I didn't realise at the time I was trying to fill a void inside me left by my mother and I just couldn't have that closeness in which I felt I could connect to my dad like I did with my mum.
3 failed relationships later and I thought I had found the one. I fell in love so quickly and I proposed to her after two months. She said yes and the next two months were amazing. But then it started to hit home for her that maybe we had done the wrong thing, and my family were trying to tell me this also. I was so blinded by the love I couldn't realise what I was doing and what I was letting myself into. My girl friend told me it was a mistake and did not want to get married. I couldn't handle this and had a sudden massive feeling of no one loving me, I felt so alone. This along with the stress of a new job role at work and falling out with my family over the marriage proposal I completely broken down and rang the doctors as I was so scared about what I might do.
I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression, and was referred to my local primary health care trust who did an assessment on me to review my needs. I heard nothing back from them and in the mean time my girl friend and I were going through a lot of problems. I get anxious and then paranoid and then I take it out on the person I love as I long and need the same unconditional love which I feel for them. She's younger than me and couldn't handle the pressure and stress of it all.
She broke up with me a few times, it made me feel so down, depressed and lonely. I started longing for my mum again. I suddenly started to have suicidal thoughts and tried to kill myself (very badly) two times.
My anxiety started to get really bad and it was affecting my job. I couldnt concentrate on my day to day life, all I could think of was her and how I could get her to love me again, or feeling constantly anxious about how she felt about me and if she loved me or not.
This went around in circles for months until recently I realised it was the constant need to be felt loved, to replace that unconditional love a mother gives you that was causing most of my problems.
I've pretty much lost my girl friend now, were not together and not really speaking. I feel so lonely and lost. I can suddenly be feeling fine, quite happy in fact and then suddenly out of no where I can be anxious about anything.
I've developed anxiety over money and finances, my job, my family, my relationship and my self esteem (which I've always had problems with).
I'm sorry for waffling on, but just being able to write this and know that no one I know will see it and the people reading this are going through similar problems has made me feel so much more at ease. Only an hour ago I was having a large anxiety attack and I even tried to cut myself to punish myself for being like this. I feel stupid now for doing it :(
I'm hoping to meet people that have been through similar losses or major life changing events, or just to make friends who understand and can relate to me.
Thanks for reading
Frobi