Laylora
17-09-13, 00:09
First of all please excuse my messy typing. I can write properly, just not when I'm feeling like this, it tends to pour out uncontrollably.
It's a strange one for me, I'm having anxiety about the fact that I might be overreacting and people will think I'm attention seeking. I'm really too scared to go and see my doctor for help now because I turn into a nervous crying wreck unable to articulate anything these days, I'm sure she thinks I'm just a time waster.
My anxiety is really causing problems at work. I left for a graduate job but quit that when the pressure became too much. My current job took me back because I'd been so good at it. Now I've let them all down because my depersonalisation and derealisation has caused me to make mass upon mass of silly mistakes, so much so that they are coming back to me every day. This of course makes things a million times worse for my worry. I don't feel as though I can bring my mental health issues into the equation though in this economy, I'm lucky to have a job at all (if I can hang on to it)
Is this a problem others have? Not being able to get proper help for fear of being judged as silly or a time waster? I feel doomed to a life of panic attacks, feeling ill constantly and going nowhere because the minute I make any progress, something sets me off and I run away.
Honestly, and please don't look at this as a cry for help, I'm really bored with being like this. I can't see a way out and if I had the confidence I'd take the permanent route. I don't want to die though, I'm just not sure I want to live.
I'm currently enrolled on a part time masters degree in an attempt not to feel like a total failure. My catch 22 is, if I'm not begin successful and bettering myself, I'm panicking about going nowhere, but once I am bettering myself, the pressure of the job gets to me and I'm panicking. I can't win, I had to quit a fantastic opportunity in PR and journalism because the stress of having the director disagree with my work was causing me to stop eating, sleeping and functioning like anything other than a robot.
I'm 24, single, I live with my parents and I work part time in a low level job you don't need qualifications for. Another source of anxiety for me, it's a vicious circle. I guess I'm posting here, A, to get it off my chest and B, for reassurance that I'm not being deluded and this isn't just every day stress that everyone has to deal with.
I'm feeling derealised right now, so I hope that made sense.
Thanks for reading.
Rx
---------- Post added at 00:09 ---------- Previous post was at 00:01 ----------
Oh and one more thing I wanted to ask..
I think I'm going quite mad. I've started talking to myself, is this normal? I's not like musing out loud it's more like tics that I can't control. The main one is blurting out to myself "Are you feeling any better" and I literally have no control over it. I always do feel obliged to answer myself with 'no'. There are a few other negative things that I come out with, but that's the main one. Is this a symptom or have I actually gone mad?
It's a strange one for me, I'm having anxiety about the fact that I might be overreacting and people will think I'm attention seeking. I'm really too scared to go and see my doctor for help now because I turn into a nervous crying wreck unable to articulate anything these days, I'm sure she thinks I'm just a time waster.
My anxiety is really causing problems at work. I left for a graduate job but quit that when the pressure became too much. My current job took me back because I'd been so good at it. Now I've let them all down because my depersonalisation and derealisation has caused me to make mass upon mass of silly mistakes, so much so that they are coming back to me every day. This of course makes things a million times worse for my worry. I don't feel as though I can bring my mental health issues into the equation though in this economy, I'm lucky to have a job at all (if I can hang on to it)
Is this a problem others have? Not being able to get proper help for fear of being judged as silly or a time waster? I feel doomed to a life of panic attacks, feeling ill constantly and going nowhere because the minute I make any progress, something sets me off and I run away.
Honestly, and please don't look at this as a cry for help, I'm really bored with being like this. I can't see a way out and if I had the confidence I'd take the permanent route. I don't want to die though, I'm just not sure I want to live.
I'm currently enrolled on a part time masters degree in an attempt not to feel like a total failure. My catch 22 is, if I'm not begin successful and bettering myself, I'm panicking about going nowhere, but once I am bettering myself, the pressure of the job gets to me and I'm panicking. I can't win, I had to quit a fantastic opportunity in PR and journalism because the stress of having the director disagree with my work was causing me to stop eating, sleeping and functioning like anything other than a robot.
I'm 24, single, I live with my parents and I work part time in a low level job you don't need qualifications for. Another source of anxiety for me, it's a vicious circle. I guess I'm posting here, A, to get it off my chest and B, for reassurance that I'm not being deluded and this isn't just every day stress that everyone has to deal with.
I'm feeling derealised right now, so I hope that made sense.
Thanks for reading.
Rx
---------- Post added at 00:09 ---------- Previous post was at 00:01 ----------
Oh and one more thing I wanted to ask..
I think I'm going quite mad. I've started talking to myself, is this normal? I's not like musing out loud it's more like tics that I can't control. The main one is blurting out to myself "Are you feeling any better" and I literally have no control over it. I always do feel obliged to answer myself with 'no'. There are a few other negative things that I come out with, but that's the main one. Is this a symptom or have I actually gone mad?