Please help me

[sam1878]

Hello I am very sad as it is a number of years since I have logged on to the forum and posted but today is day I am once again at rock bottom and need some help
Since April when my 4 year old Labrador dog passed away suddenly my depression, GAD and health anxiety have reared their ugly head. I noticed that prior to a few weeks ago my last post on here was the day I got my dog and that made me realise what a crux he was to me. Anyway I found out a month later that my husband was text messaging another woman inappropriately and then a month later my IBS started really flaring up quite badly. I have now had two months of terrible IBS and you can only imagine how bad this has affected my health anxiety. To make things worse i was sent for a scan yesterday of my abdomen and to cut a long story short the whole scan brought back bad memories of a scan I had four and a half years ago where I found out I had lost my second baby in space of nine months. I broke down yesterday and fell to pieces on my own and then today got up late for an important meeting and since then everything has gone down hill - I feel like I just can't go on anymore and I am stressed that I have cancer as the radiographer seemed to keep going over the same spot when she was scanning me and I am at point now where i just think I may as well do myself in as it will save the pain of cancer treatment - I feel spaces out and a failure - I'm paranoid the people in work hate me and all think I am mental and that my husband texts his woman all the time because I am a burden and a nusience - he called me dramatic on Sunday as our new puppy had something in this mouth and I shouted at him to get it off him before he choaked. This morning I felt like a failure to our new puppy as he pulls on lead and he hates me so was going to give him away
I am meant to be going on a holiday next week but I think it might be the last one ever once I get the scan results and to make things worse my husband invited his parents to come along last minute which has upset me a lot
In my head I am saying goodbye to people and I just want to go home and crawl up
I have a stepped up therapy appointment tomorrow as the last therapist said I needed some more therapy more than she could deliver so I've been waiting four weeks - I don't know what to do anymore

[DaisyPolly]

Just been reading your post & I can sympathise with you regarding losing your dog. I lost mine 4 years ago (she ran out infront of a car). We have since got two dogs (infact my user name on here is may dogs names put together). Don't give your puppy away, he doesn't hate you, you are the most important thing in his life. All puppies pull on the lead. Just think how much pleasure he is going to bring you.

Regarding your health anxiety, have you talked to your GP about medication. I suffered all manor of symptoms which I certainly wouldn't have put down to anxiety but it was! My Dr did a range of blood tests which were all negative except I found I was going through the menopause. I'm now on Citalopram for the anxiety/depression, Omeprazole for my stomach and HRT for the menopause. After suffering some side effects at first I'm now so much better.

Please talk to your GP, they really can help.

Good luck :hugs:

[sam1878]

Thank you for replying - i am sorry to hear about your dog am already on all those medications except HRT I had a breakdown four years ago and so have been on citalopram for ages - I'm just feeling really low and feel like I can't go on

[cpe1978]

Hi Sam,

the very fact that you and I are here means that at least at some level we can accept that much of what we are experiencing is anxiety and is overwhelmingly unlikely to be anything significant to worry about.

One of my ways of coping is to look at things in statistical terms.

At my age - 35 there is roughly a 0.1% chance of me dying in the next 12 months. This figure roughly doubles every 8 years, but remains staggeringly low for the most part until you reach old age. By the time you filter out people who have accidents, people who have phenomenally poor lifestyles and people who have congenital conditions that I think that figure drops significantly.

Ok - I have been worried alot about cancer recently. Take kidney cancer for example. Last year in the UK there were only 71 people aged 35-39 diagnosed with renal cancer. That is a miniscule %. I know terrible things happen, but the reality is (I can say it but not sure I believe it) that the chances are very slight. The normal and most usual trajectory if you lead a healthy lifestyle is to live into your mid to late 70s.

You can never predict the future, but would you put £10 on a 1:50000 chance if it were a positive outcome. I am not sure I would waste a tenner. But I, like others are prepared to apply almost certainty to the odds the other way around.

Stay strong - you will get through it.

[suki300]

There's nothing worse when you're going through the lows, they really are the pits. You have lots going on.

I can really empathise with the IBS as I have really suffered from it in the past. I've never owned a dog, but the very reason, is i've seen the pain people go through when they lose one. In fact it's the only time I've even seen my dad cry when his dog passed away. I really feel for you - it must be devastating.

To top it all off, your husband, well he doesn't sound very supportive and I know it can be difficult living with someone when they have a mental illness - but you are exactly that - ill. I don't think he is being very nice by contacting "his woman", you deserve far more respect than that.

Puppies don't hate - they are enthusiastic, all dogs pull at their leads.

I also don't think people at work hate you, but when you're feeling like you are, it's very difficult not to see the worst in things.

Radiographers are trained to be very thorough, I think they have to so that when the doctors check results afterwards they're not calling you back just to double check. I know mine was when they did it to me with my IBS, but there was nothing. It's annoying when they don't explain what they're doing, but it's usually just routine.

I think many of us on here will be able to relate to that rock bottom feeling and know how dreadful it is to focus on the negative and think the worst. I don't really have any advice, but I hope you feel a bit brighter soon.

[DaisyPolly]

Isn't it amazing how we can all give such solid sensible advice and yet we find it so hard to apply it to ourselves. When you're on the outside looking in it's all so clear.

Anxiety is a pain in the butt.

Thank god for this site and all you good people on it.

[sam1878]

There's nothing worse when you're going through the lows, they really are the pits. You have lots going on.

I can really empathise with the IBS as I have really suffered from it in the past. I've never owned a dog, but the very reason, is i've seen the pain people go through when they lose one. In fact it's the only time I've even seen my dad cry when his dog passed away. I really feel for you - it must be devastating.

To top it all off, your husband, well he doesn't sound very supportive and I know it can be difficult living with someone when they have a mental illness - but you are exactly that - ill. I don't think he is being very nice by contacting "his woman", you deserve far more respect than that.

Puppies don't hate - they are enthusiastic, all dogs pull at their leads.

I also don't think people at work hate you, but when you're feeling like you are, it's very difficult not to see the worst in things.

Radiographers are trained to be very thorough, I think they have to so that when the doctors check results afterwards they're not calling you back just to double check. I know mine was when they did it to me with my IBS, but there was nothing. It's annoying when they don't explain what they're doing, but it's usually just routine.

I think many of us on here will be able to relate to that rock bottom feeling and know how dreadful it is to focus on the negative and think the worst. I don't really have any advice, but I hope you feel a bit brighter soon.
Thank you

---------- Post added at 18:00 ---------- Previous post was at 17:59 ----------


Hi Sam,

the very fact that you and I are here means that at least at some level we can accept that much of what we are experiencing is anxiety and is overwhelmingly unlikely to be anything significant to worry about.

One of my ways of coping is to look at things in statistical terms.

At my age - 35 there is roughly a 0.1% chance of me dying in the next 12 months. This figure roughly doubles every 8 years, but remains staggeringly low for the most part until you reach old age. By the time you filter out people who have accidents, people who have phenomenally poor lifestyles and people who have congenital conditions that I think that figure drops significantly.

Ok - I have been worried alot about cancer recently. Take kidney cancer for example. Last year in the UK there were only 71 people aged 35-39 diagnosed with renal cancer. That is a miniscule %. I know terrible things happen, but the reality is (I can say it but not sure I believe it) that the chances are very slight. The normal and most usual trajectory if you lead a healthy lifestyle is to live into your mid to late 70s.

You can never predict the future, but would you put £10 on a 1:50000 chance if it were a positive outcome. I am not sure I would waste a tenner. But I, like others are prepared to apply almost certainty to the odds the other way around.

Stay strong - you will get through it.

Thank you

---------- Post added at 18:00 ---------- Previous post was at 18:00 ----------


Isn't it amazing how we can all give such solid sensible advice and yet we find it so hard to apply it to ourselves. When you're on the outside looking in it's all so clear.

Anxiety is a pain in the butt.

Thank god for this site and all you good people on it.

Yes I wish I could take my own advice a lot of the time too and I am glad for the site

---------- Post added at 18:02 ---------- Previous post was at 18:00 ----------


Isn't it amazing how we can all give such solid sensible advice and yet we find it so hard to apply it to ourselves. When you're on the outside looking in it's all so clear.

Anxiety is a pain in the butt.

Thank god for this site and all you good people on it.

Yes I wish I could take my own advice a lot of the time too and I am glad for the site