Travel or stay and face the music??

[scotland2013]

Hi Im new on here, Im 27,male
On may 26th I went to my local pub as I did every Sunday for 3 or 4 pints before Sunday dinner with the family, this particular Sunday I went back to the pub after my dinner and had quite a late one.
On the Monday it all started, I was sitting on the sofa after work watching tele and my heart was beating fast, I felt as if I was going for a big job interview, my nerves started to fail, I was nervous lying in bed, nervous if I heard something outside, I couldn't sleep, started worrying about everything, started crying all the time, was time for the doctor!!
Went to the doctor he said whats been going on in your life, worke home etc?
So I told him, split up with my girlfriend last year, dad had cancer of the voice box and needed it removed(horrible experience for the whole family), bought my 1st house on my own(had lived with parents before that) my job was ending in september, my house mate who was paying rent to me lost his job and moved out, I was working 8-5 at my normal job as a mechanic and working from 5-10 every night, saturdays and sundays on a campervan i had bought to do up and make money on, I was spending every penny I had on it and getting into more debt with my credit card!!
He said STRESS has triggered anxiety you need to take time off but I couldn't I needed the money to pay morgage and bills and to finish the campervan as I was only half way through it! But it got worse, one day when went for lunch at my mums I just broke down, cried for an hour, my mind had gone, I thought I was going crazy, am useless at my job, I'll never get another job,Iv'e no confidence, I would drive to work in a total daze worrying about everything, I could hardly lift a spanner at work without getting stressed, after work I would just drive for hours in daze or walk up and down the beach for hours, I stopped replying to texts or calls from friends, stop seeing friends, cancelling trips etc, could hardly get out of bed! Negative thought started, bad thoughts, untrue thoughts, would stay for weeks, couldn't fight them off!
Went back to the doc about 2 days after seeing him the 1st time couldnt handle it anymore, couldn't even go to doctor myself (27 year old man and needed his mum to go to the doctors) I was prescribed setraline, it made me worse, went back again prescribed prozac, reluctant to take it but I did!
In the mean time I somehow managed to continue with work and with help off my dad continue with the campervan at nights, I sold the campervan which was a great relief and am now redundant as off 1st of sept!
The stress and nerves seem to have settled but i'm left with the depression, washing the dishes or making the t is a major operation, if i won the lottery I wouldn't care, just want to lie in bed or on the sofa all day, have no interest in anything its horrible! I was never like this, was always doing something, am I going to be stuck like this or will things just take a while to level out!
I'm not sure if I should take time off ( which i dont think is helping my depression) try find some work which is not stressful or jump on a plane and go travel?? I dont know if I'm in the right frame of mind to do that considering some days I cant get ou of bed!
Phew, maybe to long for some people to read
1 reply would be nice

[Breezy]

Hi Scotland. Wow, no wonder you've experienced stress and then depression. That's a lot for a person to go through. I hope your dad is doing well :)

Maybe there is some in-between to the options to you have thought about? Travelling alone can in itself bring about some stress and anxiety and perhaps at the moment it isn't the right time for you. That is certainly a great goal to aim for and work towards.

Perhaps a part time job to start with would get you back on track? I know for me, when I am fragile throwing myself into anything doesn't help, yet baby steps do. Volunteering is another great way to get yourself out there and give you a reason to push through the depression, a purpose to get up for. Find something YOU enjoy, so that you give of your time but also get something enjoyable back.

I know doing anything in your frame of mind feels impossible. I have felt it. Work day by day doing a little more each day. If you slip back don't worry, just promise yourself to try again the next day. The strength and courage is there, you've just got to find it and see it again my friend.

You are not alone. You can do this. Look after yourself, make the effort each day and the rest will follow :)

[scotland2013]

Thanks, Im not sure if the tablets are helping (don't know what i would be like without them)i'm on 40mg prozac, doctor says i should stay on them, no side affects which is good! Dad is doing great thanks, better than me

[Breezy]

How long have you been on them? It takes 4-6 weeks for the tablets to be in full effect so to speak. Hang in there.

[xvolatileheart]

Personally I wouldn't jump on a plane and travel. The stress of feeling like I have to enjoy myself and be on the go constantly to maximize my holiday would be too much. Like you, I find it hard to get out of bed some days so I wouldn't be able to make the most out of a big trip like that. If I could do anything right now, it would be to take a few weeks off, go stay on a beach or in a cottage somewhere and have "me" time. I would bring some books and movies, some nice food to cook, and just RELAX. No judgements, no responsibilities, no pressure.

[scotland2013]

Thanks! Think you could be right about the travelling, just trying to think of something that will get me back on track! How do you start to feel better when you don't want to do anything, see anyone? Do you just need to sit it out and wait for a spark? I have been taking them for 6-8 weeks, can't remember, everyday seems like the same just now! Need to find some motivation soon, dont want to waste all the money I made on the campervan paying the morgage

[scotland2013]

9 weeks on prozac now, upto 60mg
Starting to feel better, not sure if its the tablets or just time

[Andria24]

Are you having any therapy? Asking because the two together are known to be far more successful. And good to know that you're feeling better in general :)

[scotland2013]

I had 3 self help sessions. been 5 month now since my nervous breakdown and 8 weeks since stopped working, I think the time off has really helped, no stress, nothing to worry about! Things like doing the dishes now or cooking the t dont feel like a major job now, long way to go but gettin there! Still on 60mg

---------- Post added at 15:07 ---------- Previous post was at 15:05 ----------

Also gave up alcohol completely for time being, was making my nerves worse

[SarahH]

Hang in there:)

[scotland2013]

Bit of an update
Nearly 4 months now since stopped work, which has really helped, my housemate got a job and has moved back in which helps with the bills (altho he has currently been paid off but I'm not worrying about which shows I am a good bit better!
In the New year i need to try and get back to work, which will be hard but feel as if I need to for the next step of my recovery. Currently still on 60mg prozac!
My nerves still haven't totally settled, in the morning when I wake up i'm fine but then within a couple mins i can feel them creeping back and a nervous feeling in my chest and my hands are still shaky.
Last week I started running 2 mile 6 days a week, because every where you read everybody always on about exercise being good for mental health so giving it a try!
I still struggle alot with motiavation and just don't feel right when im doing things but I am alot better than I was. Just going to take time, been 7 month now, most articles I have read on nervous breakdowns say between 6-12 months to recover so might not be far away.
I'm now dealing with my gran who has just been through a double heart bypass but is getting home on Xmas eve :), and my mum whose got chronic back ache (which docs think might be kidney stones, waiting for results of a scan hopefully tomorrow!
3 weeks ago my sister had a little baby which I would say is helping my recovery and pulling everyone through this hard time for us all.
Also 3rd of Jan I need to go for a scan on my testicles for a lump, so hoping that doesnt come to anything to major but I feel as if my mental state could cope now!
Merry xmas and New Year x

[scotland2013]

Little update, managed to find a job in February planting trees, gets me out the house, exercise, fresh air, communication with other people, really helped me, also tapered myself of the tablets so not taking anything anymore! :)
Sleep is back to normal, my nerves still haven't completely settled, seems to b when im at home watching tele my nerves annoy me, its like a feeling in my chest like the nerves are rattling, don't know how to explain it, pretty horrible but not as bad as i was, depression has totally lifted now :)
All in all doing pretty good, still not really back drinking, have the odd one in the house but that's it, scared it messes me up if I go on a night on the booze so staying off it just now!
In my case time is a healer, 9 month now since it all started, I'd be hoping to be back to my old self by 12 months hopefully

#Ps from the last post the lump was a cyst :)

[Magic]

Hi Scotland, well it sounds to me like you are on the right track. Getting out and about is a good thing and seem the meds are working.
What about the cyst is it going to be removed or left alone?
All the best to you :hugs:xx

[scotland2013]

Oh no 😞!
Had interview last week for job on oil rigs (dream job)!
So went to Aberdeen Monday for interview, couple panic attacks in morning but when I got there for interview I wasn't actually to bad, it went well!
They phoned yesterday to say I got the job and for an hour or too I was over the moon but after that all my anxiety has came back, my chest been so tight, heart beating fast, feel warm all the time, just feel disabled by fear, shakey, don't want to see anyone or watch te just want to sleep to make it go away,mind is racing, "I can't to this I can't do this" all keeps going throw my mind!

I was doing so well as well, has this came to soon for me, I don't want to make myself I'll again, I couldn't go through all that again! But it's my dream job( I don't care about the money) altho it is really good, I will never get the chance to make that money again!
Is it worth making myself I'll again or am I just panicking?

[Sunflower2]

I was just reading through this thinking it sounded quite similar to me.. Major stresses and then my brain like melting down into a big panicky depressed mess. And then I saw you mention aberdeen, and hey that's me too! Just thought it was nice seeing someone from way up north!

[scotland2013]

Hi kimberley yeah that what happens to me, i get so stressed and flustered my head just go's blank and i can't do simple things, it's horrible and everyone thinks you are useless but its just the nerves getting on top of us, not good when need to start a new job!

I'm seriously considering phoning in on Monday and turning the job down, maybe I need to fully get control of my anxiety before I take a big step like this or maybe taking this big step will help me and prove that i can do it, I'm not sure but everyday since i was told i had the job has been a nightmare and I haven't even been giving a date for my medical and induction never mind a start date!
Having anxiety is such a daily struggle:weep:

[Sunflower2]

I wouldn't turn it down I understand your reasoning though as I've done the same In the past.. But the only way to get through it is to do the things that scare you and act as if you didn't have any anxiety. Easier said than done though...
I've found if you are always waiting until things get better, then nothing ever changes. You've got to take the step forwards before the anxiety starts to subside. Then you can be amazed at what you can achieve! :)