View Full Version : I cannot do this anymore
I'm crying so much that I can't even breathe. I can't do this. My family are planning a holiday with a friend and I've been invited but I can't go because of anxiety. I can't be around people anymore. But I can't bare the thought of being alone for a week, I struggled being alone for 1 day a couple of weeks ago. This anxiety is torture for me. It's ruined my life. I have other family, big brother that I could stay with while they went away but I can't even speak to my own brother or visit his house. I just can't stand this anymore I have nobody other than my mum and sister who I can be around without being anxious and I have no friend or parter to spend time with. It's caused a big argument with my mum, she said she should be able to go away without me, I'll be 21 next year but I have no independence. She should be able to go away without me, I agree, I should be able to be on my own, there's people my age alone at uni, I wish that was me. I'm trying not to dwell and trying not to cry but I am hurting so much I feel like I don't want to be here. But then I feel guilty even thinking that. I want help, I want to get better, I want to try medication but I'm so damn scared of everything, scared if living. I can't get out of this rut. I was all set to try meds just a few hours ago until this hit me. Now I just can't think about it. I feel in such a state I just want to stay here in bed until I feel better again. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, we are all in the same boat here, I just feel like I'm drowning and just needed to write this down.
Hi JayJoe,
I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling so anxious, just know that people are always here ready to talk to you and offer company in whatever way they can. You might not be able to see it right now, but I assure you that you will get through that week. It will be difficult, but you know you are going to get through it. Staying with your brother might be a good thing to do, contacting him may feel uncomfortable at first, but that will pass soon enough. Perhaps he could pop in and visit you during the week a few times? I think what will be most important is keeping yourself occupied, stay off the bed and stay active, read, watch films, go for walks if you feel comfortable with it. Give yourself tasks and jobs that you can lose yourself in. There are people you can speak to if you start to struggle, you are not alone.
You can get out of this rut, you will. Taking medication will be a step in a right direction, it took me ages to accept I needed to take it and I was very reluctant, but once I started I realised how easy it was. Things will get better for you, it will take some work but you are capable to do it. If you aren't already seeing someone for your anxiety, I would really like to encourage you to speak to your doctor about how much you are struggling and that you would like to get some extra help. Get the ball rolling, I know how tough it is to see how anything will help you, but take those first few steps and things will become much easier from there.
I hope you feel more relaxed soon
Hi JayJoe,
I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling so anxious, just know that people are always here ready to talk to you and offer company in whatever way they can. You might not be able to see it right now, but I assure you that you will get through that week. It will be difficult, but you know you are going to get through it. Staying with your brother might be a good thing to do, contacting him may feel uncomfortable at first, but that will pass soon enough. Perhaps he could pop in and visit you during the week a few times? I think what will be most important is keeping yourself occupied, stay off the bed and stay active, read, watch films, go for walks if you feel comfortable with it. Give yourself tasks and jobs that you can lose yourself in. There are people you can speak to if you start to struggle, you are not alone.
You can get out of this rut, you will. Taking medication will be a step in a right direction, it took me ages to accept I needed to take it and I was very reluctant, but once I started I realised how easy it was. Things will get better for you, it will take some work but you are capable to do it. If you aren't already seeing someone for your anxiety, I would really like to encourage you to speak to your doctor about how much you are struggling and that you would like to get some extra help. Get the ball rolling, I know how tough it is to see how anything will help you, but take those first few steps and things will become much easier from there.
I hope you feel more relaxed soon
Thank you very much for your response, I read your post the other day when I was feeling so low and it really helped so thank you. May I ask, did the medication work for you? My anxiety is so bad that I can't go out and the thought of people coming to see me makes me feel even worse, so I really do need help. I still don't know what to do, I feel like I'd be better to go to a mental health unit for the week (if that's even possible, I don't know!) than stay home alone. I don't know why, but the thoughts of being alone are just horrible.
Hi, part of the problem with anxiety is the helplessness you feel. You could go back to the doctors and see what they say, or find out if there is anything available.
However, I would say part of your gripe is that it's a problem for you to stay at home, you feel bad about it. I think sometimes you have to say - "It's okay - I'm just going to stay home, it's not illegal, it's frustrating but i shouldn't feel bad about it. One step at a time and I'll do things when I'm ready".
I remember on my 21st birthday (I'm 37 now) I was plagued by anxiety and panic attacks. I was with a group of friends in a nightclub and the dj said over the microphone that if I went to the dj booth I could have a t-shirt and a bottle of champagne. I remember being so upset and frustrated that I was too frightened to make my way through the crowds to collect a probably naff t shirt and probably cheap bottle of champagne, that wouldn't be allowed to be called champagne anymore. It annoyed me that my illness stopped me from enjoying myself and that we went back to the house and I was too frightened to drink while two of my friends who had picked up girls were all enjoying the other bottles of champagne I had got from family. Life seemed like crap.
However - if i had just accepted things a bit more - it wasn't the end of the world that I didn't pick up the t shirt and champagne - they didn't ruin my life - the problem was that I felt I was letting myself down - i was being unnecessarily harsh on myself when I didn't need to be. The thing is although I have blips I'm so much better - I did get there and you will too. I would look at all those things you're worrying about and find out which are the ones that are simply you being harsh on yourself. For example not going on holiday - that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things - it might feel like your illness is stopping you from doing things - but it's not like you'll never go on holiday again - you will when you're ready and that's okay.
Hope you're okay.
Rennie1989
23-09-13, 14:50
How long will they be away for? What is it about going away that is causing you anxiety? What is it about being alone that's causing you anxiety?
Hi, part of the problem with anxiety is the helplessness you feel. You could go back to the doctors and see what they say, or find out if there is anything available.
However, I would say part of your gripe is that it's a problem for you to stay at home, you feel bad about it. I think sometimes you have to say - "It's okay - I'm just going to stay home, it's not illegal, it's frustrating but i shouldn't feel bad about it. One step at a time and I'll do things when I'm ready".
I remember on my 21st birthday (I'm 37 now) I was plagued by anxiety and panic attacks. I was with a group of friends in a nightclub and the dj said over the microphone that if I went to the dj booth I could have a t-shirt and a bottle of champagne. I remember being so upset and frustrated that I was too frightened to make my way through the crowds to collect a probably naff t shirt and probably cheap bottle of champagne, that wouldn't be allowed to be called champagne anymore. It annoyed me that my illness stopped me from enjoying myself and that we went back to the house and I was too frightened to drink while two of my friends who had picked up girls were all enjoying the other bottles of champagne I had got from family. Life seemed like crap.
However - if i had just accepted things a bit more - it wasn't the end of the world that I didn't pick up the t shirt and champagne - they didn't ruin my life - the problem was that I felt I was letting myself down - i was being unnecessarily harsh on myself when I didn't need to be. The thing is although I have blips I'm so much better - I did get there and you will too. I would look at all those things you're worrying about and find out which are the ones that are simply you being harsh on yourself. For example not going on holiday - that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things - it might feel like your illness is stopping you from doing things - but it's not like you'll never go on holiday again - you will when you're ready and that's okay.
Hope you're okay.
Thank you suki300, I am always very hard on myself and do expect too much of myself. I constantly compare myself to my peers and family members of a similar age and look at what they are achieving in comparison to my life and it does make me feel horrible and hopeless. I know that I do it, and I can give advice, I just can't seem to stop myself.
It's difficult but I know I'm probably holding myself back with regards to recovery as I put too much pressure on myself and give up easily if I fail at bigger tasks. I know it's about little steps, I'm just so impatient!
How long will they be away for? What is it about going away that is causing you anxiety? What is it about being alone that's causing you anxiety?
Nothing has been booked yet, but at the most a week (as it will be school holidays). I don't know exactly what I'm afraid of, I'm just terrified of being alone. I've never been alone before (I'm 20 now) and have little independance because of my anxiety. I also have no friends and very little family, I'm not comfortable around anyone apart from my mum and sister so I guess it's scary to be away from them. I know I rely too much on my mum and that's a problem. I also look for reassurance when I get anxious about different things each day and I know I'll have nobody to turn to if she's not here. I know I have to reassure myself but it's hard sometimes to talk yourself down from panic! Actually, come to think of it, I think alot of it may be to do with my health anxiety. I'm afraid of getting ill and having nobody here to help me. And having to go in hospital, being out in public alone scares me so much too. Even though I have other family who would be there, I'm anxious around them, so that would just add to it.
I feel so stupid for feeling this way, I feel like a baby. I hate being like this!
---------- Post added at 16:01 ---------- Previous post was at 15:54 ----------
Also, just to add, I'm that nervous being alone that I'm even contemplating going with them (and I'm practically agoraphobic) just so I don't have to be on my own. But, I don't want to spend that kind of money to just hide away in a hotel room and not enjoy the holiday. Maybe when I get there I might be OK? I just don't know what to do?
I think those feelings of being impatient are part and parcel of mental illness - we never look at things in a good light when we're feeling anxious, that's why you end up thinking "I can't even do anxiety right". I don't think there's any right or wrong answer in terms of going on holiday or not and it really doesn't matter if you go away and stay in a hotel room - you're only 21 and you'll have plenty of holidays in the future where you'll probably go outside and do what the rest of the tourists do.
You're not a baby by the way, you're just going through a pretty tough time.
Rennie1989
23-09-13, 16:22
I think going on holiday with them will do you a world of good. Not only are you with your mum and sister but you'll be somewhere relaxing. What I love about holidays is that it doesn't matter what people think of you because you'll never see them again and the general anxieties at home get left behind, no bills to pay, no washing up, no laundry, just lots of positive memories and fun.
Don't worry about being attached to your mum. When I went through a tough patch and as long as I lived with my mum I felt OK, the idea of moving out terrified me. I was 21. Now I live two counties away from her. There's no age that people have to move out of home and be independent, you have to be ready to do it. I know people who moved out when they were 18, I was far too immature and too close to my family to do that! I know people in their 30's who still live with their parents. Don't focus on what otherwise people think is the norm.
I think those feelings of being impatient are part and parcel of mental illness - we never look at things in a good light when we're feeling anxious, that's why you end up thinking "I can't even do anxiety right". I don't think there's any right or wrong answer in terms of going on holiday or not and it really doesn't matter if you go away and stay in a hotel room - you're only 21 and you'll have plenty of holidays in the future where you'll probably go outside and do what the rest of the tourists do.
You're not a baby by the way, you're just going through a pretty tough time.
Thank you very much, that makes me feel much better :)
I think going on holiday with them will do you a world of good. Not only are you with your mum and sister but you'll be somewhere relaxing. What I love about holidays is that it doesn't matter what people think of you because you'll never see them again and the general anxieties at home get left behind, no bills to pay, no washing up, no laundry, just lots of positive memories and fun.
Don't worry about being attached to your mum. When I went through a tough patch and as long as I lived with my mum I felt OK, the idea of moving out terrified me. I was 21. Now I live two counties away from her. There's no age that people have to move out of home and be independent, you have to be ready to do it. I know people who moved out when they were 18, I was far too immature and too close to my family to do that! I know people in their 30's who still live with their parents. Don't focus on what otherwise people think is the norm.
Thank you Rennie :) I thought maybe if I managed to get there I could even try to branch out on my own if I wasn't comfortable being around everyone, the slow holiday pace might help, even if it's just a walk to the local town or walk out somewhere. Even just sitting by myself at the pool would be an achievement! I'm not sure yet what to do, it doesn't help matters that I don't like the person they are going away with, but I guess then I won't care as much what they think of me! They are going to the travel agents tomorrow so maybe I'll know more then, it helps if I know where they want to go, the distance on the plane etc. I always need to know all the little details before making a decision which is annoying. I'm also hopefully going to start medication next week so I'll be posting updates no doubt!
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