JCRyanDenton
20-09-13, 18:19
Today was rather horrible. I recently have been getting more desperate to interact with non autistic people for quite some time, especially meeting some new people to have some positive social interaction with. Its been 7 years since i started secondary and i have rarely interacted with someone who i felt could understand most of the shit i talk about, since most of these kids have moderate autism or even worse are so low functioning they won't understand me. I yelled my head off at one in my taxi since i couldn't cope with his screaming anymore and the fact these are the only people i am made to interact with. Its also been 7 years since i actually felt happy with the people i was "friends" with. I have no friends at my current school as they are *******s due to their autism (they have obvious autistic traits that make them like that) and my social skills have been badly stunted in the process. I have been in this state for 7 years and i want it to ****ing end this year. I was only sent to these stupid schools since i was a douche sometimes in primary and thought i would get bullied in other places -_-. So they chose that stunting my education, social skills and self esteem was a great idea rather than me improving my education and social skills. I never got on with low functioning autistic people, and i always felt like i belonged with the so called "neurotypicals" (in the words of the special ed workers). I don't even know what real people are even like since i have been kept away from them for so long, i only spoke to one female during that period around my age too and im heterosexual so this strains my sexual hormones (not saying that to be funny or sexist since i respect females, it genuinely feels like my hormones are hard to handle right now). My grammar has been quite poor lately due to the stress affecting my concentration.
I feel like im in hell right now...or stuck in the past since these special ed schools aren't exactly like a mainstream school but for autistics. They are often lower budget and very dumbed down and have low standards for how students should act during class. As in you are allowed to act like a freaking clown during class but its okay since they have autism. My previous one was even worse since he allowed bullying in class (even if it was disruptive). Current one doesn't but doesn't try to get the students to stay on topic rather than talking about video games during a history lesson for example.
Ugh i have a headache, and im tired. Thats all im going to write for now.
I will lastly say though that online social interaction isn't doing it for me anymore, i need real physical interaction since i find it much more satisfying and doesn't make me paranoid like online interaction can do.
I feel like im in hell right now...or stuck in the past since these special ed schools aren't exactly like a mainstream school but for autistics. They are often lower budget and very dumbed down and have low standards for how students should act during class. As in you are allowed to act like a freaking clown during class but its okay since they have autism. My previous one was even worse since he allowed bullying in class (even if it was disruptive). Current one doesn't but doesn't try to get the students to stay on topic rather than talking about video games during a history lesson for example.
Ugh i have a headache, and im tired. Thats all im going to write for now.
I will lastly say though that online social interaction isn't doing it for me anymore, i need real physical interaction since i find it much more satisfying and doesn't make me paranoid like online interaction can do.