bellesstarr
20-09-13, 19:03
Hi all i've just joined in desperation and the hope that someone, somewhere might be able to help me.
I've suffered with some sort of 'mental issue' for as long as i remember. It became worse as i got older and became more self aware until i took an overdose of paracetamol aged 14. It was a big cry for help but the help was just a stern talking to and a box of anti depressants. After always slipping under the mental health radar despite numerous visits to various gps, i gave up and began self medicating and was an iv heroin user for arond 5 years. I was so happy not to have any anxiety and so was an intoxicating discovery and a secret ive always hidden.
Fast forward to now and im 27 and have a child that i gave up drugs for, but mentally ive bren struggling with 'real life' . I went to my gp a couple of times and he was excellent and regerred me. Whilst waiting the 6 weeks for an appt i deteriorated as i became paranoud that if i revealed the full extent of my anxiety they'd take my child off me.
At the moment im struggling to go out alone, i cant work, im paranoid about people watching my home and worry they will attack me. On really bad days i feel i have lice on me and in my home so the manic cleaning starts.
I can then wake up some days feeling really powerful mentally and think how silly i've been. But sometimes i say inappropriate things when like this, such as sexual stuff and be overly confident/crude.
Im starting to want answers so i dont feel like the worlds only nutcase, but im worried a diagnosis could bring social services to my door. I dont want to lose my precious baby, but nor my mind.
I've suffered with some sort of 'mental issue' for as long as i remember. It became worse as i got older and became more self aware until i took an overdose of paracetamol aged 14. It was a big cry for help but the help was just a stern talking to and a box of anti depressants. After always slipping under the mental health radar despite numerous visits to various gps, i gave up and began self medicating and was an iv heroin user for arond 5 years. I was so happy not to have any anxiety and so was an intoxicating discovery and a secret ive always hidden.
Fast forward to now and im 27 and have a child that i gave up drugs for, but mentally ive bren struggling with 'real life' . I went to my gp a couple of times and he was excellent and regerred me. Whilst waiting the 6 weeks for an appt i deteriorated as i became paranoud that if i revealed the full extent of my anxiety they'd take my child off me.
At the moment im struggling to go out alone, i cant work, im paranoid about people watching my home and worry they will attack me. On really bad days i feel i have lice on me and in my home so the manic cleaning starts.
I can then wake up some days feeling really powerful mentally and think how silly i've been. But sometimes i say inappropriate things when like this, such as sexual stuff and be overly confident/crude.
Im starting to want answers so i dont feel like the worlds only nutcase, but im worried a diagnosis could bring social services to my door. I dont want to lose my precious baby, but nor my mind.