Charky
21-09-13, 21:53
Hi!
I'm new to this but I read through a lot of the posts and information on here and everyone seems very supportive and I think I need this now.
I think my issues have always been present even during school, I was always worrying about something even as a child and whilst I didn't start having panic attacks until around 18 months ago, I think it's been a slow decline throughout my life. I was bullied by my best friends at school which made me feel isolated and it damaged my confidence. I developed a very sarcastic sense of humour as a defense mechanism and I would sometimes quip at those who gave me a compliment with a sarcastic remark. Going to college was a great confidence boost, met great friends, got a long term boyfriend and left college to work full time. Once I started working however, I was very stressed, I started drinking a lot of coffee and energy drinks to stay awake as I had a 2nd job in a pub on certain evenings. I became irritable and split up with my boyfriend. I then began seeing a guy who was a great friend who ended up using me for a year so my confidence really took a hit. After 3 years working the chest pains got worse and I once drove so fast to the doctors because I thought I was having a heart attack as the pains were so bad. I moved out and went to the next city for uni and had a brilliant time, but was involved with a guy who treated me so badly, cheated, lied, insulted and knocked my confidence. I stopped eating, lost weight (I'm quite slim as it is) and started going out and getting drunk with my friends. My anxiety after drinking gets so much worse and is usually when I will have an attack but mainly just feel completely on edge! I have now finished uni and work in a call centre. The anxiety I had before was manageable but now it feels like it's getting out of control, I constantly doubt myself, my confidence is low, I pull the split ends from my hair when I feel bad, I have OCD ways which are frustrating and restrictive, and my dad is depressed so I haven't really turned to my family. I have been really fighting against having a panic attack at work mainly because I feel much more safe at home. If someone says anything in a sharp manner or is offended by something I say then I worry about it all day. I always go above and beyond for others even if it's against what I want to do. I went to the doctors yesterday and he has given me 10mg citalopram and has recommended CBT. I have never taken anti depressants before and I am worried how much worse I will get before I start to see an improvement! At the moment I'm very anxious, I went out with work friends last night and kissed one of my best friends who I work with, now I'm confused about what I want with him and feel like running away. I have been measuring my heart rate today, it is always over 80 to 100 bpm and today it was 146 at worst and is now 118! I have stopped drinking coffee and energy drinks over the last year but when personal matters come to a head then my panic attacks are unbearable. About 6 months ago I had one so bad that my friend called an ambulance because I couldn't move or speak properly, the speech didn't improve for about 4 days and I am so scared that will happen again. I'm quite good at talking myself through it but it's getting harder and harder! Even when I feel relaxed and things are going well I always have some worry at the back of my head and I don't want to feel like that forever! I try not to drink as much anymore but being a 24 year old it's hard to say no when there's an occasion or an organised night out, but it's making me think about cutting out alcohol altogether. Any advise you guys have would be much appreciated! Sorry to have such a long drawn out post!
I'm new to this but I read through a lot of the posts and information on here and everyone seems very supportive and I think I need this now.
I think my issues have always been present even during school, I was always worrying about something even as a child and whilst I didn't start having panic attacks until around 18 months ago, I think it's been a slow decline throughout my life. I was bullied by my best friends at school which made me feel isolated and it damaged my confidence. I developed a very sarcastic sense of humour as a defense mechanism and I would sometimes quip at those who gave me a compliment with a sarcastic remark. Going to college was a great confidence boost, met great friends, got a long term boyfriend and left college to work full time. Once I started working however, I was very stressed, I started drinking a lot of coffee and energy drinks to stay awake as I had a 2nd job in a pub on certain evenings. I became irritable and split up with my boyfriend. I then began seeing a guy who was a great friend who ended up using me for a year so my confidence really took a hit. After 3 years working the chest pains got worse and I once drove so fast to the doctors because I thought I was having a heart attack as the pains were so bad. I moved out and went to the next city for uni and had a brilliant time, but was involved with a guy who treated me so badly, cheated, lied, insulted and knocked my confidence. I stopped eating, lost weight (I'm quite slim as it is) and started going out and getting drunk with my friends. My anxiety after drinking gets so much worse and is usually when I will have an attack but mainly just feel completely on edge! I have now finished uni and work in a call centre. The anxiety I had before was manageable but now it feels like it's getting out of control, I constantly doubt myself, my confidence is low, I pull the split ends from my hair when I feel bad, I have OCD ways which are frustrating and restrictive, and my dad is depressed so I haven't really turned to my family. I have been really fighting against having a panic attack at work mainly because I feel much more safe at home. If someone says anything in a sharp manner or is offended by something I say then I worry about it all day. I always go above and beyond for others even if it's against what I want to do. I went to the doctors yesterday and he has given me 10mg citalopram and has recommended CBT. I have never taken anti depressants before and I am worried how much worse I will get before I start to see an improvement! At the moment I'm very anxious, I went out with work friends last night and kissed one of my best friends who I work with, now I'm confused about what I want with him and feel like running away. I have been measuring my heart rate today, it is always over 80 to 100 bpm and today it was 146 at worst and is now 118! I have stopped drinking coffee and energy drinks over the last year but when personal matters come to a head then my panic attacks are unbearable. About 6 months ago I had one so bad that my friend called an ambulance because I couldn't move or speak properly, the speech didn't improve for about 4 days and I am so scared that will happen again. I'm quite good at talking myself through it but it's getting harder and harder! Even when I feel relaxed and things are going well I always have some worry at the back of my head and I don't want to feel like that forever! I try not to drink as much anymore but being a 24 year old it's hard to say no when there's an occasion or an organised night out, but it's making me think about cutting out alcohol altogether. Any advise you guys have would be much appreciated! Sorry to have such a long drawn out post!