anna-sophie
22-09-13, 12:02
Hi im new here and thought I'd write a little bit about what i have been/am going through :)
At about the end of July I went over to visit my boyfriend in another country - he was doing a course over there for a few months, it'd been about 3 months since i had seen him. From the moment I got there I was just not myself, I was quite withdrawn and just a bit low. I wasn't acting the way I usually do with my boyfriend which is very unusual for me because I've always been totally head over heals in love. When I got home a week later I started developing really bad anxiety and completely lost my appetite. I went to the doctor who told me to try practicing mindfulness - I gave it a try but i didnt really have the patience for it at the time! The anxiety continued and then seemed to develop into quite bad depression. I'd wake up every morning wishing I hadn't and I'd look forward to going to bed because it meant I had a few hours where I could just switch my brain off and not have to think (thankfully it never effected my sleep too much) My boyfriend then returned home 3 weeks later and I was like a completely different person around him, very dis-affectionate and anxious and just wanted to be on my own. Over the next few weeks things got a little better with him, i started getting used to being around him again but i just couldnt handle affection at all! Saying that, I was definitely feeling a bit better. I then had to start a practice placement (im a student nurse) I was quite looking forward to starting it because I had been doing nothing with my time for the past 6 weeks except moping around my house overthinking everything so I thought actually being busy might be good for me. It did quite the opposite. I was just incredibly overwhelmed by it all, couldnt handle the pressure of anything and on my 3rd day in there I had a panic attack. I rang my mum (who was away in france at the time) crying and telling her I couldnt handle this and that I was seriously considering dropping out - On a side note I am in my final year of nursing, I have done SO many placements that have been so much more stressful than this one and had never had any kind of issues with being able to handle them before - Anyway my mum insisted I go to the doctor that evening and he decided the best thing for me was to go on antidepressants to help me through this hump without destroying my future career in the process. I was extremely reluctant to go on them but I have to say from the very beginning I felt a lot better, I think partly because it took some of the pressure off me and I could just let something else handle everything going on in my brain (if that makes any sense). I've been on them about 3 weeks now and I'm a different person, things with my boyfriend are a lot better though the affection thing is still a bit of a problem for me, and I'm doing really well on my placement and enjoying it a lot! I'm also going to a counsellor who is great and really helping sort out everything going on in my head and why exactly this all happened to me. This experience has been absolutely terrifying, the very disturbing thoughts, the loss of appetite and severe weight loss, the feeling of total flatness - you never think you're going to be happy again! I'm so much better now though and hopefully i stay this way!! This experience has taught me so much, I'm a different person after it but I think there is a lot of growth in pain and sometimes you have to go through these things to become the person you're suppose to be. Never give up, there's always light at the end of the tunnel!
At about the end of July I went over to visit my boyfriend in another country - he was doing a course over there for a few months, it'd been about 3 months since i had seen him. From the moment I got there I was just not myself, I was quite withdrawn and just a bit low. I wasn't acting the way I usually do with my boyfriend which is very unusual for me because I've always been totally head over heals in love. When I got home a week later I started developing really bad anxiety and completely lost my appetite. I went to the doctor who told me to try practicing mindfulness - I gave it a try but i didnt really have the patience for it at the time! The anxiety continued and then seemed to develop into quite bad depression. I'd wake up every morning wishing I hadn't and I'd look forward to going to bed because it meant I had a few hours where I could just switch my brain off and not have to think (thankfully it never effected my sleep too much) My boyfriend then returned home 3 weeks later and I was like a completely different person around him, very dis-affectionate and anxious and just wanted to be on my own. Over the next few weeks things got a little better with him, i started getting used to being around him again but i just couldnt handle affection at all! Saying that, I was definitely feeling a bit better. I then had to start a practice placement (im a student nurse) I was quite looking forward to starting it because I had been doing nothing with my time for the past 6 weeks except moping around my house overthinking everything so I thought actually being busy might be good for me. It did quite the opposite. I was just incredibly overwhelmed by it all, couldnt handle the pressure of anything and on my 3rd day in there I had a panic attack. I rang my mum (who was away in france at the time) crying and telling her I couldnt handle this and that I was seriously considering dropping out - On a side note I am in my final year of nursing, I have done SO many placements that have been so much more stressful than this one and had never had any kind of issues with being able to handle them before - Anyway my mum insisted I go to the doctor that evening and he decided the best thing for me was to go on antidepressants to help me through this hump without destroying my future career in the process. I was extremely reluctant to go on them but I have to say from the very beginning I felt a lot better, I think partly because it took some of the pressure off me and I could just let something else handle everything going on in my brain (if that makes any sense). I've been on them about 3 weeks now and I'm a different person, things with my boyfriend are a lot better though the affection thing is still a bit of a problem for me, and I'm doing really well on my placement and enjoying it a lot! I'm also going to a counsellor who is great and really helping sort out everything going on in my head and why exactly this all happened to me. This experience has been absolutely terrifying, the very disturbing thoughts, the loss of appetite and severe weight loss, the feeling of total flatness - you never think you're going to be happy again! I'm so much better now though and hopefully i stay this way!! This experience has taught me so much, I'm a different person after it but I think there is a lot of growth in pain and sometimes you have to go through these things to become the person you're suppose to be. Never give up, there's always light at the end of the tunnel!