Worried I will take my own life soon? :(

[xgraceex]

Hey, not posted on here in a long time... its been a tough summer. I decided to quit my anti depressants after trying them all over a period of a year and a half and none of them working for long... and I hated to feel numb. Now I feel such intense pain every day, such low moods that I can't get out of bed, or out the house, and my life is slipping away :( the friends I had do not want to be around me, the little business I run from home is slipping and I don't think I have felt this low in all my life. I am trying to beat depression without medication, but this is so much harder than I first thought. I am only 20 and I can't stop thinking about suicide, and my self esteem is so low, I feel I don't deserve a good life :( I also recently left my partner of one year because he was very big headed and pushed me around, and I think it was a positive step for me, but now I am lonelier than ever... and have nothing to distract me from the pain. I am hoping someone on here can help me, I am at the end of my tether, and just want to wake up and not feel like hurting myself immediately or cry. Please help x

[inCOGnito]

and have nothing to distract me from the pain.

Too many people do this for too long (including me). You hurt your ankle you feel pain. It feels difficult to walk on so you go get it checked. You have listened to the pain. Emotional pain is no different. It's a message if you are quiet and attentive enough to listen. Distraction is an avoidance technique. What are you avoiding? What is the message in the pain?

I know that is easily said but avoidance is not the answer. My advice would be to take up meditation and mindfulness. This isn't a miracle cure, for most, but it will help.

[Fishmanpa]

Hi Grace,

There's nothing worse that feeling the way you do except reading about it and knowing there's nothing one can do from behind a computer screen. The admins don't know who you are or where you live and can't send help, nor can we.

It's my hope that you contact the appropriate health facilities or pick up the phone to a suicide help line that can direct you and help.

Psychotropic drugs are prescribed for a reason and going off of them is unwise without a doctors consent. I was on Zoloft for depression after my heart surgery. Yes, I understand the feeling of being drugged and I hated it too, but I needed it at the time and despite how they made me feel, they helped me through a difficult time in my life. When I and my doctor felt it was time, I was weaned off of them as going off cold turkey can be detrimental and cause more issues. Just the fact that you stated you feel more pain since quitting them affirms my statement.

Positive thoughts and prayers

[Sparkle1984]

Sorry you're going through this. All I can say is please go back to your doctor and ask to be switched to a different medication. There are dozens of different ones available so if the ones you've tried are no longer working for you then there's a good chance something else will. You should be able to get an emergency appointment first thing tomorrow morning if you're getting suicidal thoughts.

I hope things will be sorted out for you soon. :hugs:

[stay_gold]

Are you getting counselling too, if not maybe you should try it along with the new medication.
If you wanna talk pm me or we could email each other if that helps you.

[nataliewoods88]

hi hun this sounds really difficult, you seem to be in a dark place right now and i hope you feel better soon. My advice would be to try some new medication and try to get cbt as a side help, it seems like you need a mood boost and someone to make you feel like you are worth something! I know how it feels to be lonely because of mental illness so if you ever need anyone to chat to just send me a pm :) im 23 btw.

[Sparkle1984]

I agree with the others, it's a very good idea to ask for some form of counselling or therapy alongside any new medication. Also learning about mindfulness meditation could help you. :)

It may not seem like it now, but with the right treatment, you can and will get better. No one is beyond help. :hugs:

[anx mum]

Hey, not posted on here in a long time... its been a tough summer. I decided to quit my anti depressants after trying them all over a period of a year and a half and none of them working for long... and I hated to feel numb. Now I feel such intense pain every day, such low moods that I can't get out of bed, or out the house, and my life is slipping away :( the friends I had do not want to be around me, the little business I run from home is slipping and I don't think I have felt this low in all my life. I am trying to beat depression without medication, but this is so much harder than I first thought. I am only 20 and I can't stop thinking about suicide, and my self esteem is so low, I feel I don't deserve a good life :( I also recently left my partner of one year because he was very big headed and pushed me around, and I think it was a positive step for me, but now I am lonelier than ever... and have nothing to distract me from the pain. I am hoping someone on here can help me, I am at the end of my tether, and just want to wake up and not feel like hurting myself immediately or cry. Please help x

Hi gracie I can really relate to u. Like yourself my health anxiety is back in full swing its horrid, really I wouldn't wish it on my worse nightmare. U need some help and soon have u been to your gp maybe u need some meds just to help u short term. Everyone deserves a life with me this anxiety keeps coming back and it does get me so low, have u got any family support. Ive just got my hubby but even he dosent understand there is light at the end of the tunnel just believe it I cry a lot too that's the depression. pm anytime if u wanna talk im anx mum

[ForeverThinking]

Hi Grace,

I'm new to this forum but I've been reading it for quite a while now. First of all, I think you should get back on some anti depressants, maybe different ones. I've never responded well to anti depressants. I respond better to anti psychotics, so May that's an option as they can help lift your mood. Maybe discuss this with your doc.
As for your post, your life sounds terribly difficult. It's awful to feel so low that you feel there's no light at the fend of the tunnel but there really is. You'll come out of this depression soon enough. Until then I think you should seek help. Ending it is not the way forward - it's a bad option and you're worth more than that. I get you're an amazing person. There's no one in this world like you, remember that. Nobody can take your place. If you want to private message me I'd be happy to speak to you. I'm only 18 myself so we'd maybe get along and be able to help each other.

Remember you're loved, and you always will be - Linkin Park.

Don't give up now. You're so young, you have so much life to fulfil. Private message me. F you fancy a wee chat. :)

[Speranza]

Hi Grace, so sorry this is such an awful time for you.
It sounds as though you would rather not be feeling suicidal... and although the drugs numbed you, you didn't want to kill yourself when you were on them. So maybe it would be a good moment to try something different.
I do know what you mean but you know... if you had diabetes you wouldn't be trying to fight it without insulin, would you?