SH412
23-09-13, 20:57
This site really helped when I was at my lowest and it sprung into my head tonight and I thought I'd post my story to hopefully help others!
Up until 2010 I was a normal, happy woman with a son, job and Partner. Everything was going relatively well. Then one horrible day completely out of the blue a very close family relative took unwell and collapsed and died very unexpectedly in my arms. The whole event was extremely traumatic, but I considered myself to be quite a strong person and I managed to hold it together although I was obviously desperately sad.
Fast forward 3 months. I had a really horrible dizzy feeling after coming out the shower, 'Impending doom' as I later found out it is called. I had to phone my dad to come and take me to his house as I simply felt like something bad was going to happen. I slept well, and the next day felt normal enough to go for lunch. Then the dizzy feeling kept coming and going. I got to my mother in laws later to collect my son and I just became overwhelmed with this dizzy horrible feeling. So much so that she phoned an ambulance. My whole body was shaking, my skin was grey and I was hyperventilating. I spent the night in hospital and they concluded I'd had a panic attack. I got home and never left my bed for a week, not even to wash. I didnt eat except some slices of toast and some tea which was brought to me. I felt like I'd collapse everytime I stood out of bed.
Eventuall Diazepam allowed me to become mobile and eventually take my son to nursery on my own. But life wasn't the same. Id literally panic at the slightest thing, a cough, heartburn, niggly pains, sounds. I had disturbing thoughts that I was going to loose my mind and harm myself. I no longer enjoyed anything and I was trapped in my own head with depersonalisation and panic.
I was prescribed Citalopram and I managed to get back to work, although after 6 months and I had panic attacks at work regularly and had to go home. Then I had a strong moment. I seperated from my Partner who I knew I wasnt happy with (but too scared to be on my own) and I gradually gained control of my life.
All of a sudden I could think clearly without my head tricking me into a panic. I could go days without anxiety and then weeks. It actually got to a point I forgot that I was ever in this state. I just feel totally free now, like the curse has lifted. Dont get me wrong I still have emotional days where I think about how easy it would be to fall back into it. But I dont. I dont know why, I just lost the fear of the feelings I guess.
Im now in a new relationship, I jacked in my job that I was also unhappy with and Im now retraining at Uni to be a Mental Health nurse. I cant remember being this happy or content.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.... so dont give up :)
Up until 2010 I was a normal, happy woman with a son, job and Partner. Everything was going relatively well. Then one horrible day completely out of the blue a very close family relative took unwell and collapsed and died very unexpectedly in my arms. The whole event was extremely traumatic, but I considered myself to be quite a strong person and I managed to hold it together although I was obviously desperately sad.
Fast forward 3 months. I had a really horrible dizzy feeling after coming out the shower, 'Impending doom' as I later found out it is called. I had to phone my dad to come and take me to his house as I simply felt like something bad was going to happen. I slept well, and the next day felt normal enough to go for lunch. Then the dizzy feeling kept coming and going. I got to my mother in laws later to collect my son and I just became overwhelmed with this dizzy horrible feeling. So much so that she phoned an ambulance. My whole body was shaking, my skin was grey and I was hyperventilating. I spent the night in hospital and they concluded I'd had a panic attack. I got home and never left my bed for a week, not even to wash. I didnt eat except some slices of toast and some tea which was brought to me. I felt like I'd collapse everytime I stood out of bed.
Eventuall Diazepam allowed me to become mobile and eventually take my son to nursery on my own. But life wasn't the same. Id literally panic at the slightest thing, a cough, heartburn, niggly pains, sounds. I had disturbing thoughts that I was going to loose my mind and harm myself. I no longer enjoyed anything and I was trapped in my own head with depersonalisation and panic.
I was prescribed Citalopram and I managed to get back to work, although after 6 months and I had panic attacks at work regularly and had to go home. Then I had a strong moment. I seperated from my Partner who I knew I wasnt happy with (but too scared to be on my own) and I gradually gained control of my life.
All of a sudden I could think clearly without my head tricking me into a panic. I could go days without anxiety and then weeks. It actually got to a point I forgot that I was ever in this state. I just feel totally free now, like the curse has lifted. Dont get me wrong I still have emotional days where I think about how easy it would be to fall back into it. But I dont. I dont know why, I just lost the fear of the feelings I guess.
Im now in a new relationship, I jacked in my job that I was also unhappy with and Im now retraining at Uni to be a Mental Health nurse. I cant remember being this happy or content.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.... so dont give up :)