katesa
24-09-13, 15:48
Hi everyone,
I'm just curious and wondering, how do you all stop your HA crossing the line in to destructive or selfish behavior?
As an example, I recently posted on another board similar to this one (though not specifically for HA) about my "survivors guilt" over the fact that my then fiance died of a rare cancer aged 24 and how I believe it has affected my psyche/feelings towards death.
I was amazed that the entire thread, and a bunch of PM's then became ALL about people asking me very specific questions about his symptoms, how long did it take for diagnosis, did he get this symptom, that symptom etc. As I am having a bout of HA myself, I try to be sympathetic and understanding but I was very taken aback by it.
I've also seen people posting on cancer forums asking people in the final stages of fighting for their lives for reassurance that they don't have the thing that is killing them - it boggles my mind.
Then of course, we hear about so many people who can't afford private tests but still have them, leaving their family short of funds. I actually understand and sympathise with this but hope to get myself better before I go down that path.
As for myself, I realised last week what a selfish cow I was being, constantly talking about my lung cancer worries, tiring myself out with worry so that my poor husband was having to do everything and and had to listen to me going on and on. My 6 month old son, usually a very chilled out and content baby started getting edgy and crying often, he had clearly picked up a difference in me. That's when I went to the doctors and got some meds - I'm starting therapy next month but I cant put them through this until then.
So, I wonder if any of you have any tips on how to avoid going down that path. Do you have triggers that you recognise and act upon?
I'm just curious and wondering, how do you all stop your HA crossing the line in to destructive or selfish behavior?
As an example, I recently posted on another board similar to this one (though not specifically for HA) about my "survivors guilt" over the fact that my then fiance died of a rare cancer aged 24 and how I believe it has affected my psyche/feelings towards death.
I was amazed that the entire thread, and a bunch of PM's then became ALL about people asking me very specific questions about his symptoms, how long did it take for diagnosis, did he get this symptom, that symptom etc. As I am having a bout of HA myself, I try to be sympathetic and understanding but I was very taken aback by it.
I've also seen people posting on cancer forums asking people in the final stages of fighting for their lives for reassurance that they don't have the thing that is killing them - it boggles my mind.
Then of course, we hear about so many people who can't afford private tests but still have them, leaving their family short of funds. I actually understand and sympathise with this but hope to get myself better before I go down that path.
As for myself, I realised last week what a selfish cow I was being, constantly talking about my lung cancer worries, tiring myself out with worry so that my poor husband was having to do everything and and had to listen to me going on and on. My 6 month old son, usually a very chilled out and content baby started getting edgy and crying often, he had clearly picked up a difference in me. That's when I went to the doctors and got some meds - I'm starting therapy next month but I cant put them through this until then.
So, I wonder if any of you have any tips on how to avoid going down that path. Do you have triggers that you recognise and act upon?