st0rch
25-09-13, 07:24
PLEASE READ, it could very well save my life...
I'm just going to jump right in... I've always had panic attacks, typically due to marijuana & drug use, which I have completely stopped. I went to a doctor in march and was prescribed Xanax (.5mg) / 40 pills. , which were finished by May, at which point I had read too much into the side effects and quit cold turkey. I moved in with my parents after 5 years due to financial strife aroudn this time as well. In may we also found my brother on facebook, whom was 27 that we had never met (he was put up for adoption). It was something that only seemed to happen in movies. Oddly enough, he had the EXACT same interests in me, and I loved him like a brother the first time I saw him.
Then my entire life was destroyed. In July, my parents had a pretty bad yelling / screaming fight and the cops were called & my mom was taken to jail. It was pretty hard for all of us, but I had seen worse and felt better by night time. After watching some dexter and eating a huge thing of fruit with sugar and whipped cream on it (I'm not sure if it's relevant, but im hypoglycemic), I went to bed. I woke up with the most terrifying derelization / Jamais vu you could imagine. I looked in the window and almost had a heart attack when I thought my reflection was someone else coming through. I thought if I went to bed I would feel better in the morning... wrong. In the morning, my entire family had the stomach flu, including myself. The derealization was EXTREMELY strong, which through me into the worst panic attack i've ever had. It lasted 4 days, making me go to a doctor and eventually the ER.
Eventually I was able to calm myself to a functioning level about a week later, still completely shocked and scared as I had no idea what was happening. I have not been the same since... For 2 months I suffered and recorded the following symptoms:
Fatigue
One arm jolting up and waking me up from sleep (stopped happening, and only when I slept)
Head shocks when taking naps or trying to sleep (went away but came back recently)
Extreme derealization and feeling like im in a dream when I go to anyone else's house.
Odd head pains, so annoying they induced nausea for a while ( not quite headaches, as they moved around and felt strange)
Blurry vision that only lasted a day. (had my eyes checked, they were fine)
This extreme anxiety feeling in my head, for no reason at all. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, what I'm thinking about, it is persistent and NEVER leaves... (this is 1000x times worse when I wake up from sleeping or a nap for some reason)
strange joint pains when waking up.
Panic attacks when I go out to eat, unable to keep these from happening regardless of what I do.
Smells bring back VIVID memories... not bad memories just very strong memories of when I smelled them before. Very scary to me.
I have been suffering. And I don't feel I had much to be anxious about at the time, it just doesn't make any sense. Well if that wasn't bad enough, that brother I just met... he overdosed on Heroine and died last week. I am so heartbroken, he was going to be my only true friend, and I've never had a brother. At the funeral, to make things worse, his family kept hugging me as if I was his reincarnation because of how I looked and acted like him. I miss him so much.
Even with that happening, this anxiety feeling and the symptoms came well before that happened, and are persisting well after his death. I know my body, and I have NEVER felt like this before. The unbearable sadness just stacked on top of this, and its too much.
Are there any PHYSICAL or Neurological explanations for what was and is happening to me? Temperal lobe seizures do give very similar symptoms... but all the time? Could I be withdrawing from xanax starting 2 months after my last dose? even a small dose? Or was it something to do with the sugar I ate and then getting the flu? I try to live my life as if it's not happening, thinking "hey, maybe this is in my head, just anxiety I can conquer" but it NEVER leaves... and it is there without provoking it with any thoughts whatsoever. I am suffering. I can't go out with my friends, go to the movies, go to my girlfriends house, as I this constant anxious feeling is debilitating.
I have a Nuerologist appointment next week to rule some things out, and psychologist in about 3 weeks if that doesnt help. I would LOVE anyone that could give me insight for now. Life is so hard right now... And I can't deal with my problems like this. I lack the strength some people have, and won't be able to live like this for long.
I'm just going to jump right in... I've always had panic attacks, typically due to marijuana & drug use, which I have completely stopped. I went to a doctor in march and was prescribed Xanax (.5mg) / 40 pills. , which were finished by May, at which point I had read too much into the side effects and quit cold turkey. I moved in with my parents after 5 years due to financial strife aroudn this time as well. In may we also found my brother on facebook, whom was 27 that we had never met (he was put up for adoption). It was something that only seemed to happen in movies. Oddly enough, he had the EXACT same interests in me, and I loved him like a brother the first time I saw him.
Then my entire life was destroyed. In July, my parents had a pretty bad yelling / screaming fight and the cops were called & my mom was taken to jail. It was pretty hard for all of us, but I had seen worse and felt better by night time. After watching some dexter and eating a huge thing of fruit with sugar and whipped cream on it (I'm not sure if it's relevant, but im hypoglycemic), I went to bed. I woke up with the most terrifying derelization / Jamais vu you could imagine. I looked in the window and almost had a heart attack when I thought my reflection was someone else coming through. I thought if I went to bed I would feel better in the morning... wrong. In the morning, my entire family had the stomach flu, including myself. The derealization was EXTREMELY strong, which through me into the worst panic attack i've ever had. It lasted 4 days, making me go to a doctor and eventually the ER.
Eventually I was able to calm myself to a functioning level about a week later, still completely shocked and scared as I had no idea what was happening. I have not been the same since... For 2 months I suffered and recorded the following symptoms:
Fatigue
One arm jolting up and waking me up from sleep (stopped happening, and only when I slept)
Head shocks when taking naps or trying to sleep (went away but came back recently)
Extreme derealization and feeling like im in a dream when I go to anyone else's house.
Odd head pains, so annoying they induced nausea for a while ( not quite headaches, as they moved around and felt strange)
Blurry vision that only lasted a day. (had my eyes checked, they were fine)
This extreme anxiety feeling in my head, for no reason at all. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, what I'm thinking about, it is persistent and NEVER leaves... (this is 1000x times worse when I wake up from sleeping or a nap for some reason)
strange joint pains when waking up.
Panic attacks when I go out to eat, unable to keep these from happening regardless of what I do.
Smells bring back VIVID memories... not bad memories just very strong memories of when I smelled them before. Very scary to me.
I have been suffering. And I don't feel I had much to be anxious about at the time, it just doesn't make any sense. Well if that wasn't bad enough, that brother I just met... he overdosed on Heroine and died last week. I am so heartbroken, he was going to be my only true friend, and I've never had a brother. At the funeral, to make things worse, his family kept hugging me as if I was his reincarnation because of how I looked and acted like him. I miss him so much.
Even with that happening, this anxiety feeling and the symptoms came well before that happened, and are persisting well after his death. I know my body, and I have NEVER felt like this before. The unbearable sadness just stacked on top of this, and its too much.
Are there any PHYSICAL or Neurological explanations for what was and is happening to me? Temperal lobe seizures do give very similar symptoms... but all the time? Could I be withdrawing from xanax starting 2 months after my last dose? even a small dose? Or was it something to do with the sugar I ate and then getting the flu? I try to live my life as if it's not happening, thinking "hey, maybe this is in my head, just anxiety I can conquer" but it NEVER leaves... and it is there without provoking it with any thoughts whatsoever. I am suffering. I can't go out with my friends, go to the movies, go to my girlfriends house, as I this constant anxious feeling is debilitating.
I have a Nuerologist appointment next week to rule some things out, and psychologist in about 3 weeks if that doesnt help. I would LOVE anyone that could give me insight for now. Life is so hard right now... And I can't deal with my problems like this. I lack the strength some people have, and won't be able to live like this for long.