Party dilemma

[Sparkle1984]

Last year I was invited to a new year's eve party by one of my best friends. Her work colleague came along as well. When I said I wouldn't be drinking alcohol that night, my friend asked me why so I said it's because I'm on medication. My friend asked me what it was for so I said anxiety. My friend's colleague then made some comments and asked some questions which made me feel very uncomfortable. It felt as if I had to justify to her why I need treatment for anxiety. I was too scared/embarrassed to admit that I had been suffering from intrusive morbid thoughts so I just said it was due to stress at work. The friend's colleague didn't seem very convinced by this and she said that when she's under stress she just deals with it.

So now I'm worried about what I should say if I get invited again this year. They usually book these parties well ahead of December. Should I tell my friend the truth about my intrusive morbid thoughts and that I need the meds to keep them under control? Or should I just make an excuse not to attend the party at all? My friend's colleague would almost certainly be there as she has been for the last 2 years. I'm not very close to my friend's colleague and I usually only see her one or twice a year. I haven't seen her since last new year's eve. I wouldn't mind so much if it was just my friend going, but her colleague makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Rennie1989]

Why avoid a party because of one close-minded person? I highly doubt she even remembers the conversation, if she does then dismiss it, she does not have to know the truth and she doesn't have the right to, if she doesn't remember then don't bring it up. I know plenty of people who don't drink, I'm not a big drinker myself, if anyone asks why I just say that, if they're not satisfied with the answer then stuff them, their problem, not mine. If you're uncomfortable being around her then talk to other people.

[debs71]

What narrow-minded, rude idiots!

You are under no obligation whatsoever to these people as to what you tell them or how much you tell them about your own private and personal health, and they should not be so rude as to put you in that position.

She (and your friend to be honest) just sounds like the typical closed-brained, uneducated fool who is clueless about true stress and anxiety. Wouldn't it be fabulous if we COULD all 'just deal with it', but unfortunately we are not all that lucky, and they are not helping you at all!

My advice would be to do EXACTLY as you choose. If you don't go, don't go because that is YOUR choice not to (I wouldn't blame you at all with people like that present) and if you do go, again, go because you choose to, not through being pressured by anyone. If you don't want to drink, you need not give ANY REASONS or justify yourself. Just tell them that is your preference.

It is none of their business!!! :lac:

[Tessar]

I definitely agree with Rennie. Don't let this one person out you off. Also, look at it this way. So what if this person "just deals with it" when they are stressed. I also agree it is likely she has long forgotten the conversation ..... Something I learned in therapy is that I was the one with the long memory. All the situations, conversations etc etc that I was convinced "other people would remember forever" ..... Well, seemingly they didn't. Needless to say I did. It's worth looking into how not to dwell on stuff from the past like this. whether it is something that happened last week, a month ago, six months or a year ago .....
For me, a big part of getting better has been letting go of things that really do not matter. Doing what I can not to concern myself with what other people might be thinking, with what they "might" remember about conversations with me ("might" being the operative word because generally speaking, people do forget alot of what they converse about).
You'll feel better, much better if you are able to find ways of letting things go. I don't pretend it's easy as it plagues me still at times. The best thing we can all do is get on with life, do what we really enjoy doing. Get stuck in every day. Again it's not easy but it is worth doing. So If you fancy going out, rather than worrying for the next few months about perhaps one member of the group (who might not go, even if invited) instead if its what u want to do.... look forward to mixing with the people you do like. If it were me, the only reason not to go would be because you'd not enjoy any of their company.
Hope this helps.

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks for your replies. I agree it would be a shame to miss out on a party just because of one person. Last year we had dinner round my friend's colleague's flat before we went to the party. That is when my friend asked me about my medication. I wouldn't have minded explaining more to her if it was just us 2 on our own. I agree it was rude of her to ask me personal questions in front of her colleague, but she has always had the sort of personality where she can sometimes cause offence without meaning it. I suppose I could say she's not very tactful sometimes. But apart from that, I get on with her well.

It's my friend's colleague who I don't feel comfortable with - I've always found her a bit cold and distant, and in the past when the 3 of us used to go out nightclubbing, she never really spoke to me much. That's why I was so shocked she made those comments to me about anxiety. It made me feel very uncomfortable.

If I was invited to the party again this year, it would be very difficult for me to avoid my friend's colleague as we all sit on the same table.

To be honest, I do usually get invited to several other parties during Christmas, eg with work and my social club. So I'm not really that bothered about going out on new year's eve as well. Up until a couple of years ago, I always had a quiet night in on new year's eve. At these new year's eve parties they always seem to insist on people wearing fancy dress, and I've never really been into that and find it a bit of a hassle to be honest. So in some ways I would prefer to have a quiet night in with my family. But I also realise that by trying to avoid this girl it might increase my fear of her in the future.

[shakey1961]

Go to the party and if anyone says anything tell them it's none of their business. Ask them if they're on any medication and what is it for? Then tell them to sod off.

[jackie13]

Hi Hun

This other person sounds a bit of a wally! Maybe she's jeleous of you and your mate?

Just tell her you have to take medication as it stops you from growing a beard and 2 heads!

You should go to the party, treat her the same way as she has treated you! Tell her it's personal stuff and to sod off! Oh and make sure you look MILES better than what she does:)

Luv & hugs
Jackie xx