Frozen with fear re anal 'lump'

[JustJules]

I'm sitting here at work absolutely frozen to my seat in fear - how I got in I don't know as I've been awake since 3am worrying myself into a right state. I can't even get up off my chair to go and make a cup of tea as I feel so anxious.

Just want to get in my car and drive off somewhere and not come back as I can't cope with this fear of being ill and dying any longer...

I have had this latest bout of HA since May this year after a supposed UTI and had ultrasound on abdomen, kidneys, bladder, ovaries - all clear. I was so anxious that I had loose bowels all and was running back and forward to the loo all day (I do have IBS as well sometimes so this is not unusual for me...) but for the last month or so, I've got the sensation in my back passage that there's something there. It's not a painful feeling, more a sensation of fullness and when I felt around the area last night with my hand whilst standing up (I can't feel it when I am lying down), I could feel a 'hard, lumpy area' around the end of my coccyx/bottom. I've no bleeding so I am assuming now that it's an anal tumour/anal cancer and I've literally freaked out. I can't face going to the Dr as I'm terrified of the news that it won't just be piles - I can't see it being piles as it's not bleeding or really painful. I can feel it more when I am in the car driving and it then spreads right across my bottom cheeks - more when I sit back than sit right forward on my front bits... my recent blood tests were all okay - just slightly raised white cells dr wasn't worried about but hadn't mentioned all this...

I can't cope with the worry of this any more - it's never ending...

[sparkle_1979]

Don't we all have a lump there... I know I do and worried sick about it..let me find a post I made :)

---------- Post added at 10:51 ---------- Previous post was at 10:50 ----------

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=135486

[suki300]

Piles don't necessarily bleed and they're not necessarily painful - i once had a 'pile' which was neither (it irritated me more than anything else). When you're sitting down on a slightly harder seat with something that might be like a spot - it will cause the pressure to spread. We push and strain and all sorts with our toilet habits, they do sometimes break out in lumps with the stress of it, but usually that's all it is.

Just as an aside - I said to someone the other day on here that when my mother was worried she had cancer - the very worst part was the not knowing, once she knew, she could cope - even with the treatment (and now she's fine). Please don't wait if you are worried, the chances are you will be reassured at that appointment and worst case scenario - it was something bad they will be able to do something and you won't be sitting there worrying about the what if's you will be able to do something about it.

[Speranza]

As we're all adults can I say my piles have varied from soft and squishy to feeling as though a small tribe of monkeys had run off for dinner and left their peanuts up there... ;)

After I had my first baby I felt a little sore. but I was fine until a nurse came round and said, "Oooh Dear! It's like a BUNCH of GRAPES down there!"

Immediately I could see them. 27 years on, I still can... :scared15:

[debs71]

Hello JustJules,

You say you have IBS, and I am confident that your symptoms are very similar to mine, and I also have IBS. They do sound very much like my own a month ago.

Every time I sat down I felt a pressure up and inside my bottom, like there was 'something there' as you say. My IBS swings between loose stools and constipation, and although I generally open my bowels regularly, I can also go days without, and I found that once I opened my bowels after having this pressure and fullness, I felt a lot better.

I am certain this is due to constipation.

Even if you are opening your bowels consistently, you can STILL be constipated, as what you are experiencing is a 'backlog' of stools being released, but you can still be pretty full inside. I have sorted out my issue with increasing my fibre intake and drinking more water.

Another thing to consider is internal piles. Not all piles are seen outside the anus. Again, this is no big deal. You can buy suppositories over the counter (which are the same content as the cream you would put on external piles) and they calm it all down.

As for the lump you are feeling, I have to agree with sparkle 1979. It is normal to feel a lumpy pad at the base of the spine/coccyx/top of bottom. I can actually see mine in a mirror (I have a very bony back) I am sure that if you truly had what you are worried about - something internally anal - that is something only a colonoscopy/scan could see.

Due to the area you are concerned about, it may also even be something as innocuous as a back problem rather than what you think it is, seeing as you feel something when driving and sitting. We have a nerve that runs right through our bottom cheeks which when compressed can cause 'bottom' sensations.

Please do try not to think that worst possible thing. With your existing problem of IBS, it is far more likely to be related to that and your anxiety rather than anything more sinister. The possibilities are numerous in fact that it ISN'T what you think it is, especially since you have also had a blood test and that was normal. If you had something iffy going on, your cell counts would be off.

Big hug to you.:hugs:

[JustJules]

Thanks everybody - that's reassured me a bit. I've had it a few months now so worrying that it will have spread or that it's going to develop into something nasty whilst I am trying to pluck up the courage to go and get it looked at. I have felt unwell in spells lately too so that was an added worry as I doubt piles would make you feel ill - not just an anxious ill I don't think.

Suki, I've heard people say that before about once you know, you cope with things better but all I can think of is that I'd be one that wouldn't cope as I don't seem to cope with anything anymore! I hope your Mum continues to get well.

I've been trying to think lately, where exactly my anxiety stems from and I firmly believe that because I almost died in my 20's (I'm now in my 50's) from a neglected bowel abcess and peritonitis, together with my 25 year old son being diagnosed initally with cancer, but not thankfully, it was Crohn's 7 years ago, have taken it's toll on my over anxious mind and I'll never shake this constant fear of illness off.

---------- Post added at 13:17 ---------- Previous post was at 13:13 ----------

Forgot to say as well, did the dreaded Google thing last night re anal/rectal cancer and 'pressure in rectum' was one of the symptoms......clicked off it quick but obviously thought they'd say bleeding was the most common one...and then at the bottom of the page it also said "anal cancer doesn't always produce symptoms"!!!!

[suki300]

I'm sorry, i didn't mean to worry you - I meant even if it really was the worst case scenario and my mum was the most anxious before - I wondered where I got my anxiety from and I found out! She is a lot better though thanks.

[JustJules]

Suki, don't worry, you didn't worry me any more than I am already! I know what you meant and you were trying to point out that if the worst happened, I'd cope and you're probably right - it's this stupid fear and the hypno lady I see said that fear is just a 'thought' and nothing more and that we can change our thoughts - I'm truly working on that believe it or not!

[suki300]

Thanks JustJules,

I did hypno for being petrified at giving birth on my second and it really pulled through for me in my moment, far more than I imagined.

[MilaHurricanes]

Yep that's a hemeroid, sometimes they don't pop... Sometimes they do., just gotta apply the right amount of force... But don't, they hurt ;3; and bleed and itch they're miserable little things