I am now at a crossroads

[I'mdave27]

I've been on a spiritual journey for quiet sometime now and I don't know where or what I'm supposed to do now , If anything. I've been suffering with depression and anxiety for the past few years there has been some lows and highs which have all contributed to where I am now a better place , a much better place. I started off on 20mg fluoxetine that helped me get out of my dark place but after some time it stopped working so , as is the norm , I was put on 20mg citalopram. This helped me a lot but I had to be put on 40mg citalopram with 15mg mirtazapine at night because I went back to feeling bad and for some strange reason my mind as well as my body never wants to shut down leaving me tired , extremely tired. So thanks to the added mirtazapine I can now sleep and feel very positive about things which is good for me because even though I'm only happy due to medication I can get on with my life and love it. I have no external problems only internal problems , all in my head , but thanks to eckhart tolle I can now see those problems for what they are. I have read a DOZEN books about spiritual growth etc so now my problem is where do I go from here ? How do I live being spiritual instead of just reading about it ? My journey has led me to believe as we grow we disconnect from love so when we are ready we have to find ways back to that love which is all from the source (God if you like). So where do I go ?

[inCOGnito]

I don't think you will get the advice you want here, although I hope to very happily surprised!

Like you I started on a spiritual journey after a very hellish period. Tolle got me started then I moved on to Adyashanti. Although I (figuatively speaking) was more conscious for a while I seemed to have slipped back into unconsciousness, which has been a kick in the balls. But maybe it is all a part of the process once awakening has happened (even if awakening was only a glimpse). Fear has been the thorn in my side and its my mission to transcend it. all fear is illusion after all...so I believe. I've started a blog in an effort to confront fear and anxiety on the spiritual path.

The thing I have learned over the last 16 months is that 'you' are the only one who can do this. It's all about investigating the truth in your own experience. If you are ready for it you can try Liberation Unleashed. There are guides there that help see through the illusion of the separate self. Alternatively, Adyashanti has a free ebook you can download called "The way of liberation". It is a guide for the attitude and practices that help you on your way.

It's not an easy journey for everyone so I wish you all the best. just remember that you or no you there is still a body/brain that needs looked after. One of my many mistakes was neglecting that. Feel free to PM or converse here. It can be a lonely journey sometimes when other around you haven't the faintest clue where you or at or what you are referring to.

[nosweat]

Part of being spiritual is just being aware. Embracing your life whether it is bad or good is a good place to start. Tolle teaches living in the present moment which is a great practice too. We are always connected to love but sometimes our ego strays from a state of love. You don't need to go anywhere to live a spiritual life because you are exactly where you are meant to be for the moment. Try finding the beauty in this moment instead of a "future time" when you are more "spiritual." I hope this helps :)
Also, try to do the things you love to do. What are some of your favorite things in life?

:)