mother had bad news today

[hangingbasket]

Im not sure where to post this. I hope it doesnt cause anyone any more worry.
My mum has been ill for a while now and is in hospital.
After a CT scan yesterday,and bloods,and xrays, she's had a pretty much 99% diagnosis of lung cancer which has also spread to her stomach.
I dont know how to cope with this.
Im so very worried about her and how my younger sisters will cope.
But also, my anxiety is sky high now, along side feelings of guilt because Im being so selfish.
I shouldnt be feeling HA about myself. I should be concentrating on her.
What can I do???

[Annie0904]

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. You can't help being anxious about your own health so please don't feel guilty about it. The best thing to do is just to take each day at a time and try not to think too far ahead. I would also see your doctor as you may need support yourself to help you to cope with this. sending you hugs :hugs:

[lizzie29]

I'm sorry to hear this too. You can't just switch off your anxiety because of this, so don't blame yourself for that. I think Macmillan cancer has a support forum, that may be helpful. You're bound to be upset and in shock, like Annie says, focus on one day at a time.

[Tessar]

I'm sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis. Really sad news for you and your sisters.
First off... You are NOT being selfish, really you aren't. Far from it.
you sound to me like a very caring and considerate person. A selfish person wouldn't concern themselves with other people's feelings and from your post, not only did you consider the feelings of people here in the forum but in your moment of sadness, you are also thinking if your younger sisters. Those are the thoughts if a very compassionate person. That is why you are.
When it comes to coping with a situation like this, it's hard to know if you will cope. There are no rules. There is no right or wrong way to feel. When it comes to responsibility, as you re older than your sisters, then of course it is natural to assume greater responsibility. But perhaps as a family, you can cope together. Lean on each other. Help each other. As things unfold, I imagine each of you will react in your own way. I suppose we never know quite how we will feel.
It's alot to take in, isn't it? Do make sure that amongst all this feeling of responsibility that you give yourself time Time to relax or think, to reflect. Look after yourself properly. There may be times you need to put yourself first and that will perhaps make you feel some guilt. But in any of this, you are still an individual with your own thought and feelings. And you need not ever feel guilt for that. So do look after yourself won't you.
And feel free to come here and share what you are going through because sharing in this way gives you access to friends who will be very happy to support you.

[AuntieMoosie]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear of your news hun, it must be dreadfully upsetting for you and your family.

You are most certainly not a selfish person at all hun, you are obviously extremely concerned for your Mum and you younger Sister, that shows a loving caring side to you.

Anxiety and panic are pigs to live with, and when we get sad news like this, it makes it so much more difficult to try and cope with, but you will cope hun, just take it as it comes, don't try to muddle your mind by trying to think of what's to come, just take each day, it's much easier to cope with if we break it down into small chunks.

We're always here, don't think you've got to cope alone hun, because you haven't :) Keep updating your thread and letting us know how you're doing so that we can support you through this hun. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Daisy Sue]

I'm so sorry to hear that your family's had such sad & shocking news, and I hope your Mum can be made as comfortable as possible, now that they know what's been making her feel poorly.

You sound an extremely caring and unselfish person, so try to put those negative thoughts aside straight away. We don't get an instruction manual on how to cope with situations like these, we just have to cope as best we, as individuals, can when life throws hard times at us.

Just do your best, spend as much time with your Mum as you feel able, maybe enlist the help of other family members to support your siblings and yourself, and definitely contact Macmillan - they support the immediate family as much as the patient.

[hangingbasket]

Thank you so much for all the replies,and thank you for telling me I'm not being selfish. I just don't know how to look after everyone. My mum is divorced. She was also adopted as a baby and doesn't really have much family. My one sister has a 4year old and she is single. She has been very ill in the last few years and my mum was the only person she trusted to help her. My youngest sister has recently had her first child and has a whole heap me problems. I also have two children under 9 and things need to be kept normal for them.
I am the oldest childand my mums next of kin. So everything falls on me. My phone was like a hotline all day yesterday. People were calling and textimg all day and night and I felt like screaming 'leave me alone'.
I'm expected to know all the answers and I just don't.
I feel like I can't look after everyone properly and will let everyone down.
My anxiety is as high as ever with my mums diagnosis. I'm terrified of hereditary illnesses because my mum is adopted so we don't know what runs in the family.

I can't tell anyone how I feel because everyone will think I'm a bad person because it needs to be alo

---------- Post added at 08:23 ---------- Previous post was at 08:22 ----------

All about her

[Daisy Sue]

You're not a bad person! Just because we struggle when hard times hit us, doesn't mean we're bad. You have a lot on your shoulders just now, it's not surprising you're finding it hard.

Maybe you could pull a family meeting, and see what friends you all have between you who could help, at least with the children if nothing else? Most mums make friends with other mums at nursery/school, and I'm sure there'd be someone who could help each of you out a few times a week.. I know my friends from my kids' schools were a real source of help & support when I went through struggles & needed people to take some of the weight off me.

[unsure_about_this]

I'm sorry to hear this news.