NE21 worrier
28-09-13, 12:53
Hello everyone,
Straight after my wonderful time in Prague for my 30th birthday, I hit another rough patch at work almost immediately: it was mid-year review time and a meeting with a manager for whom I felt I just couldn't do anything right.
We had to prepare a write-up reviewing our perceived progress, not exactly an ideal situation for someone with ongoing self-esteem issues - and, indeed, I had to take Wednesday afternoon off and stay behind just to make sure I would do it as I knew I would not if I took it home.
Anyway, write-up was completed on time and I held the meeting today with my manager. Basically, it went a lot better than I thought it might and her only 'criticism' of me was that I had not sold myself enough, that I was doing far better than my own perception, and needed to demonstrate this more in my write-up.
There are three possible indicative markings available - 'must improve', 'achieved' and 'exceeded'. And, while I thought as I wrote my piece that I might fall into the first category, my manager today confirmed that she was never going to put me down for anything other than 'achieved'.
It's a brilliant result considering I was signed off for eight weeks from the start of April with anxiety/panic, and only returned of my own volition. In fact, I recognise so much progress being made in my life: mornings are getting easier, I'm feeling more able to cope with situations or problem-solve my way out of them by using the resources available (e.g. taking leave was the only way to stop me getting stressed about that mid-year review), and I just feel more comfortable in my skin with fewer stomach/chest pains etc.
Of course, that is not to say that I don't still get in a heightened state. I was still pretty bad with anticipatory anxiety before Prague as my post history shows - but I never let it overwhelm me. I just got on with it and had a brilliant time over there. The only thing I'm struggling with a little right at this moment is allowing myself to believe just how far I've come - but it's quite refreshing to 'worry' about something so positive.
To anyone struggling - don't rush your recovery, it will happen in time. Time is on your side and you will get better. To everyone else, thanks for reading,
Peter x
Straight after my wonderful time in Prague for my 30th birthday, I hit another rough patch at work almost immediately: it was mid-year review time and a meeting with a manager for whom I felt I just couldn't do anything right.
We had to prepare a write-up reviewing our perceived progress, not exactly an ideal situation for someone with ongoing self-esteem issues - and, indeed, I had to take Wednesday afternoon off and stay behind just to make sure I would do it as I knew I would not if I took it home.
Anyway, write-up was completed on time and I held the meeting today with my manager. Basically, it went a lot better than I thought it might and her only 'criticism' of me was that I had not sold myself enough, that I was doing far better than my own perception, and needed to demonstrate this more in my write-up.
There are three possible indicative markings available - 'must improve', 'achieved' and 'exceeded'. And, while I thought as I wrote my piece that I might fall into the first category, my manager today confirmed that she was never going to put me down for anything other than 'achieved'.
It's a brilliant result considering I was signed off for eight weeks from the start of April with anxiety/panic, and only returned of my own volition. In fact, I recognise so much progress being made in my life: mornings are getting easier, I'm feeling more able to cope with situations or problem-solve my way out of them by using the resources available (e.g. taking leave was the only way to stop me getting stressed about that mid-year review), and I just feel more comfortable in my skin with fewer stomach/chest pains etc.
Of course, that is not to say that I don't still get in a heightened state. I was still pretty bad with anticipatory anxiety before Prague as my post history shows - but I never let it overwhelm me. I just got on with it and had a brilliant time over there. The only thing I'm struggling with a little right at this moment is allowing myself to believe just how far I've come - but it's quite refreshing to 'worry' about something so positive.
To anyone struggling - don't rush your recovery, it will happen in time. Time is on your side and you will get better. To everyone else, thanks for reading,
Peter x