Returning fears I thought I was over. Help! ):

[Tator]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post on this board and I found it while searching around on Dr. Google! I'm hoping a discussion with some like minded people will help me calm down. Right, here's the story..

I used to suffer from a terrible health anxiety. When I was living away from home I literally had myself in A+E for every twinge that couldn't be explained. I did however, get over it. Thanks to a lot of discussion with some friends and medical professionals. I thought I was back to normal, but this past few days I've been physically sick with worry that I have contracted a serious illness and that I have infected someone else. Last summer, I was on holiday for a month, I wound up drinking far too much a lot of that holiday and had unprotected sex with two guys I met in a bar. It was something totally reckless and I've hated myself for it ever since.

Here's the thing though, I remember after returning from that holiday, coming down with a bad flu/cold. Sore throat, achey and runny noses etc. I thought nothing of it because I'm always coming down with colds. I figured it was probably because of the climate change or whatever. I have been in a committed relationship since last december, with a guy that I love very, very much. This past couple of days though, I have convinced myself that I have HIV and that I have now infected him. I haven't spoken to him about any of these concerns. I know that the only way to be sure is to get tested which is something I should have done a long time ago especially given my current relationship status. I'm making an appointment in the morning for a test but I know I'll be sick with worry until then.

It's not just the worry about the test, it's the anger and guilt thinking that I have done something to put my boyfriend at risk. He is without a doubt the love of my life and I would hate myself so much if I turn out to have contracted this horrible illness and given it to him. I am so sick that I'm having severely dark thoughts about what will happen when I get results. I haven't slept properly in two days and I know it's just going to continue. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What can I do to calm down until I can get results?

Any help so very much appreciated, I don't know how to deal with this level of panic.

:weep:


***Currently considering going to a+e because the anxiety has now gotten severe.

[SimonGT]

Don't symptoms of HIV appear many years, poss 7 or 8 years later? ie: Your cold symptoms are I believe too soon after the sex to be HIV?

Mind you, I can completely identify with the fear you feel.

rgds

Simon

[Tator]

Thanks for the reply, Simon! Although that thought is encouraging, the stuff I've read on the Internet tells me a different story:

Symptoms can occur anywhere from
3-10 days after infection. Or 2-3 weeks.

I just got off the phone with the clinic and I can't get an appointment until next Monday. I don't know if I can wait that long considering the of panic I'm feeling. I feel at this point I'm going to have to book myself in for an expensive private test that I can't really afford at the minute, just because I want to be able to feel ok. I didn't sleep at all last night and now I feel worse. This is going to be a hellish week.

[cpe1978]

Hi Tator,

A few years ago I had a similar fear. However let me try and put your mind at some sort of ease based on what I learned.

Firstly HIV in the western world is still incredibly rare. In addition, most people with HIV would be sufficiently conscientious as to not knowingly put others at risk through unprotected sex.

Furthermore, HIV is not as easy to spread as some people think. I can't remember the exact odds, but the odds of transmission from a single heterosexual encounter is extremely small - let's say one in a hundred (although I think in reality it is less than that). That means a 1% chance that you have HIV and that assumes that the two people you are worried about had it at all. So let's say for instance there is a 1 in a 1,000 chance that they did. So that means your odds of contracting it are 1/100*1/1000 or in real terms ludicrously small.

Dont get me wrong. If you had unprotected sex with someone you dont know then it is worth getting tested for all STDs but in reality HIV should be a very small concern. However if it is keeping you awake and driving you crazy, find the £100 it would cost to get tested privately if you can. The results can be available in a day.

A final thought. If you did defy all the odds and have HIV then it is no longer a death sentence. People with HIV can expect to lead perfectly normal long lives.

Good luck, not that i think you will need it as I think you are fine.

[Tator]

Thank you so much, cpe! That answer has put me at ease a little. I feel a lot of added anxiety comes from the feeling that the city was a 'high risk' area.

I'm definitely going to try and get the money together for a private test hopefully this week, but I'm still going to go for the full screening on Monday. Can't believe I've been so selfish and possibly putting my bf at risk ):

[Tator]

Sorry for another post, but I am back in freak out mode after a relatively ok day today. I need to stop looking up symptoms!! My illness last year probably wasn't as severe as I'm currently thinking it was.

I thought I would sleep tonight, I was wrong ):