Tator
29-09-13, 22:26
Hi everyone,
This is my first post on this board and I found it while searching around on Dr. Google! I'm hoping a discussion with some like minded people will help me calm down. Right, here's the story..
I used to suffer from a terrible health anxiety. When I was living away from home I literally had myself in A+E for every twinge that couldn't be explained. I did however, get over it. Thanks to a lot of discussion with some friends and medical professionals. I thought I was back to normal, but this past few days I've been physically sick with worry that I have contracted a serious illness and that I have infected someone else. Last summer, I was on holiday for a month, I wound up drinking far too much a lot of that holiday and had unprotected sex with two guys I met in a bar. It was something totally reckless and I've hated myself for it ever since.
Here's the thing though, I remember after returning from that holiday, coming down with a bad flu/cold. Sore throat, achey and runny noses etc. I thought nothing of it because I'm always coming down with colds. I figured it was probably because of the climate change or whatever. I have been in a committed relationship since last december, with a guy that I love very, very much. This past couple of days though, I have convinced myself that I have HIV and that I have now infected him. I haven't spoken to him about any of these concerns. I know that the only way to be sure is to get tested which is something I should have done a long time ago especially given my current relationship status. I'm making an appointment in the morning for a test but I know I'll be sick with worry until then.
It's not just the worry about the test, it's the anger and guilt thinking that I have done something to put my boyfriend at risk. He is without a doubt the love of my life and I would hate myself so much if I turn out to have contracted this horrible illness and given it to him. I am so sick that I'm having severely dark thoughts about what will happen when I get results. I haven't slept properly in two days and I know it's just going to continue. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What can I do to calm down until I can get results?
Any help so very much appreciated, I don't know how to deal with this level of panic.
:weep:
***Currently considering going to a+e because the anxiety has now gotten severe.
This is my first post on this board and I found it while searching around on Dr. Google! I'm hoping a discussion with some like minded people will help me calm down. Right, here's the story..
I used to suffer from a terrible health anxiety. When I was living away from home I literally had myself in A+E for every twinge that couldn't be explained. I did however, get over it. Thanks to a lot of discussion with some friends and medical professionals. I thought I was back to normal, but this past few days I've been physically sick with worry that I have contracted a serious illness and that I have infected someone else. Last summer, I was on holiday for a month, I wound up drinking far too much a lot of that holiday and had unprotected sex with two guys I met in a bar. It was something totally reckless and I've hated myself for it ever since.
Here's the thing though, I remember after returning from that holiday, coming down with a bad flu/cold. Sore throat, achey and runny noses etc. I thought nothing of it because I'm always coming down with colds. I figured it was probably because of the climate change or whatever. I have been in a committed relationship since last december, with a guy that I love very, very much. This past couple of days though, I have convinced myself that I have HIV and that I have now infected him. I haven't spoken to him about any of these concerns. I know that the only way to be sure is to get tested which is something I should have done a long time ago especially given my current relationship status. I'm making an appointment in the morning for a test but I know I'll be sick with worry until then.
It's not just the worry about the test, it's the anger and guilt thinking that I have done something to put my boyfriend at risk. He is without a doubt the love of my life and I would hate myself so much if I turn out to have contracted this horrible illness and given it to him. I am so sick that I'm having severely dark thoughts about what will happen when I get results. I haven't slept properly in two days and I know it's just going to continue. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What can I do to calm down until I can get results?
Any help so very much appreciated, I don't know how to deal with this level of panic.
:weep:
***Currently considering going to a+e because the anxiety has now gotten severe.